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Brian Flies Free

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wishmobbing

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My post yesterday pulled the plug, I missed my boyfriend terribly. Major unravel in the middle of a psychedelic music festival with lots of friends there. Had to get out and be alone. Never had something like this. No point in sharing. Just have to get through it. The combination with Grand Marnier and sound fiscal decisions sounds like very productive grief work to me, Lenore.
 

Narrowminded

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Lenore you did what you needed to do. I have those that worry about me alone as well. Like you, I prefer to do much of my grieving alone. What we went through needs worked through in the best way for each of us personally.

Hang in there and know I’m still holding you tight.

Wish - sending hugs to you as well.
 

Jlynn

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Sending both Lenore and Wish a nice warm hug.
 

Roger4143

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Thanks you for your sharing your faithful, honest, journey with Brian. You will never know the extent of the blessings you have shared. You are strong and capable. You are ok now and you will be up to meeting every challenge in the days ahead. God bless you, Roger
 

affected

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Big hugs to you wish, those melt downs just hit so fast don't they?

Lenore you know we did most of the CALS stuff alone, and so we often need lots of time alone to grieve.
 

Lkaibel

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Oh Wish I’m sorry.

Yup we do all need to do this in our own way.

I finished taxes today and now I just want to go home and watch 60 minutes with Brian and be like none of this ever happened.
 

texastc

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Real sorry for your loss Lenore. Glad he's flying free. I wish peace and rest for you.

tc
 

Lkaibel

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Today, the ALS Society items get returned andthe death certificate is already available.

I thought one of my kitties had blood coming out of his butt, but it turns out it’s an external butt sore. He still needs the vet but it’s a normal appointment now (it stopped bleeding too) not an urgent care one.

My refi and tax projects continue apace. I am finalizing food for the gathering this coming Saturday. I have a Dr. appt myself tomorrow to re-up my blood pressure meds. I have at least one heath anxiety item too. My mind wanders, what if I have something bad? Some things never change.

People sort of gross me out quickly. Their adorable, sweet and kind concerns about me being “alone” continue.
 

Jlynn

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Lenore... as hard as things are I know your one tough cookie. The way I look at it is you have already had to endure the worst of the worst and while you will miss Brian terribly it has to be a bit easier than what came before doesn't it? I don't know. Maybe now it's just a different kind of suffering? My thoughts are with you as you navigate this new chapter.
 

Jrzygrl

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Thinking of you, Lenore. I hope you have people when you want them and not when you don't. Keep at it, my friend.
 

Narrowminded

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Hugs Lenore,

Yes that concern can get draining. I’m still getting it. Sometimes I avoid people because I just don’t want that right now. You will figure out what is best for you.

You have nothing horrible, you are stressed, you are anxious, all to be expected right now. Praying for peace and calm for you my friend.

Hugs
 

Lkaibel

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One thing I see in just six days- watching Brian’s decline had become truly a horror show. It’s good not to be seeing that now.

A switch flipped in January. He breathing declined, his cognitive skills were declining, and the last of his below the neck motion was just about gone. His voice got dimmer, and he slept more each week.

We got the trilogy, but he never really used it. No more could we sit and sip wine and talk. He’d be sleeping or crying or just vaguely out of it.

I had left anger at ALS and I was just heartbroken, just in sort of a walking state of grief. I think I was not even acknowledging to myself how much of my life was pain.

For Brian, I think it’s safe to say that from mid January forward he had little to no meaningful quality of life. It was notbsuper amazing he called me home on 2/27 to say he was done.

God forgive me, I am just so very relieved for both of us to be beyond that. For Brian it was time.

I’m off to the Dr today, and no doubt more fussing with refi docs latter. I’ll miss Brian the rest of my life, but I can’t be sad that what we went through is over.
 

Lkaibel

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Particularly because I had a little news today about myself, I'd like to close this thread and start the new one. It's true that our Celebration of Brian is still a few days away, but I think he'd want me to start another thread now. I'll still talk about the gathering on that thread, no doubt.
 
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