My name is Michael and I am a "lovegiver" to my wife Vicki who has been diagnosed with als on Sep 11, 2007. Vicki's spirits and attitude have ALWAYS been "through the roof POSITIVE and HAPPY", and for that I am totally greatful, because she is keeping me from being super depressed all of the time. I've watching her slowly deteriorate, and it tears my heart out. We had just moved to our retirement home in Daphne Alabama ("Roll Tide!), and had bearly begun to dig in and thrive here, when she got als. We LOVE to sing karaoke, which she still does, and I have recently realized that the best I can do for her in the entertain department, is "walks" and car rides...
Just yesterday her doc said she needs a wheelchair when she leaves the house, and a walker is ok, at home. We both have "medical directives" saying that we don't want artificial life support.
I guess what I'm really asking is, What can I expect with her disease? I've prayer to Jesus that he would just come take us both and be done with it... but I know that won't happen. My greatest fear is being left alone after she passes... and my present fear is that I'll do something wrong, that makes her pass... I don't where and how to get help for her when I can no longer care for her around the house... I don't even know what a "bipbap" is. When I heard that term I thought it may have been a Canadian "boombox" of some sort.
It's funny... Since we've been singing we've managed to make hundreds of new friends, and have developed a great social life... but the only one person I've ever really been able to totally relate to and love is my wife Vicki! I'd have to ask her if anyone even applauded after I got off stage... I never heard a THING! Vicki has to pick the songs she wants to hear me sing because I'm so out of touch in my own little world... She's been my one and only love for the past 45 years... and now she'll be taken away from me...
I have always believed that a person can do anything they "imagine"... and I can't even IMAGINE what I'll do without her. She 's been my entire "life". I'm constantly sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I drink quite heavily from 4 pm on to bedtime 1000, so I can forget about it for just that little while. I know that isn't good for either one of us... but I do it anyway... Once when I needed treatment for stress a doctor asked me if I would or could give up drinking. I said I would, and I did for six months,cold. I began social drinking once again, and when Vicki developed als, I've started all over again...
I've recently told our pastor that maybe for the very first time in my 62 years, I feel totally helpless... totally without hope of ever being happy again.
Folks can live a long while without the use of many limbs or even organs... but I've just never heard of anyone living without a heart... and when my Vicki passes away, she'll be taking my heart with her...
Has anyone out there ever felt that way? What a DUMB question, HUH? EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS... AND DOES!
I'm just "Brand New To This"
Just yesterday her doc said she needs a wheelchair when she leaves the house, and a walker is ok, at home. We both have "medical directives" saying that we don't want artificial life support.
I guess what I'm really asking is, What can I expect with her disease? I've prayer to Jesus that he would just come take us both and be done with it... but I know that won't happen. My greatest fear is being left alone after she passes... and my present fear is that I'll do something wrong, that makes her pass... I don't where and how to get help for her when I can no longer care for her around the house... I don't even know what a "bipbap" is. When I heard that term I thought it may have been a Canadian "boombox" of some sort.
It's funny... Since we've been singing we've managed to make hundreds of new friends, and have developed a great social life... but the only one person I've ever really been able to totally relate to and love is my wife Vicki! I'd have to ask her if anyone even applauded after I got off stage... I never heard a THING! Vicki has to pick the songs she wants to hear me sing because I'm so out of touch in my own little world... She's been my one and only love for the past 45 years... and now she'll be taken away from me...
I have always believed that a person can do anything they "imagine"... and I can't even IMAGINE what I'll do without her. She 's been my entire "life". I'm constantly sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I drink quite heavily from 4 pm on to bedtime 1000, so I can forget about it for just that little while. I know that isn't good for either one of us... but I do it anyway... Once when I needed treatment for stress a doctor asked me if I would or could give up drinking. I said I would, and I did for six months,cold. I began social drinking once again, and when Vicki developed als, I've started all over again...
I've recently told our pastor that maybe for the very first time in my 62 years, I feel totally helpless... totally without hope of ever being happy again.
Folks can live a long while without the use of many limbs or even organs... but I've just never heard of anyone living without a heart... and when my Vicki passes away, she'll be taking my heart with her...
Has anyone out there ever felt that way? What a DUMB question, HUH? EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS... AND DOES!
I'm just "Brand New To This"