My heart is breaking for the man that I love and his recent (late Feb 2022) diagnosis with ALS. We are both in our mid-40's and have two kids each from previous marriages. We'd been together almost a year when I ended things with him about a month ago because things had dramatically changed between us.
It turns out that the reason he was detaching and things changed so much is that he'd been so terrified of this diagnosis since he'd scheduled the appointment in June. I get it, but now that he's shared it with me (and so far only me) he wants to be emotionally honest and have better communication. And in the 10 days we've been talking again, he's doing an amazing job at it, but I am so confused. It's so easy to fall back into old patterns of affection, texting and calling.
And although it feels amazing, like the relationship we had 6 months ago, I don't want to give him false hope of a future together because I don't know what to do right now. Without the diagnosis, I'd most likely give us another shot - after all, we have something so special and I'm in love with him. I had been alone as a single-single-mom for 6 years before him and he was such a welcome addition to our little family (with me and my boy, 13, and girl, 9.). He's the first person I've let into our lives since my kids' father and my son adores him and is already so attached.
But I've got to be honest about all the thoughts going around in my head. After 6 years of being a full-time mom, working and going back to school during covid, I felt like my time had finally come. It was my turn to coast on what I'd built in my life and enjoy it. After so many years of hard work, hustle being alone, and alot of tears, I am looking forward to the freedom that my mid-40's have on the horizon. But now there's this and I feel like I've lost my barrings.
I feel selfish for the idea of choosing me and not getting back together with him even though I still love him so much. I'm not even sure that's the right decision. And then I try to imagine not even having him in my life and that feels even worse. We've developed such a bond that I feel I can't just walk away from him - nor do I want to. But I don't know that I can commit to him either and what taking care of him would entail. What would it mean for my kids? I am so confused. I feel so much love and compassion for him right now and he has no one else to talk to. I'm the only person he's told about his illness so far and I'd feel so guilty not being there for him. But it's taking its toll on me emotionally when I'm not sure what I can offer without giving him false hope. How can I navigate these waters and still respect him and the bond we share? No matter which choice I consider, it hurts so much.
It turns out that the reason he was detaching and things changed so much is that he'd been so terrified of this diagnosis since he'd scheduled the appointment in June. I get it, but now that he's shared it with me (and so far only me) he wants to be emotionally honest and have better communication. And in the 10 days we've been talking again, he's doing an amazing job at it, but I am so confused. It's so easy to fall back into old patterns of affection, texting and calling.
And although it feels amazing, like the relationship we had 6 months ago, I don't want to give him false hope of a future together because I don't know what to do right now. Without the diagnosis, I'd most likely give us another shot - after all, we have something so special and I'm in love with him. I had been alone as a single-single-mom for 6 years before him and he was such a welcome addition to our little family (with me and my boy, 13, and girl, 9.). He's the first person I've let into our lives since my kids' father and my son adores him and is already so attached.
But I've got to be honest about all the thoughts going around in my head. After 6 years of being a full-time mom, working and going back to school during covid, I felt like my time had finally come. It was my turn to coast on what I'd built in my life and enjoy it. After so many years of hard work, hustle being alone, and alot of tears, I am looking forward to the freedom that my mid-40's have on the horizon. But now there's this and I feel like I've lost my barrings.
I feel selfish for the idea of choosing me and not getting back together with him even though I still love him so much. I'm not even sure that's the right decision. And then I try to imagine not even having him in my life and that feels even worse. We've developed such a bond that I feel I can't just walk away from him - nor do I want to. But I don't know that I can commit to him either and what taking care of him would entail. What would it mean for my kids? I am so confused. I feel so much love and compassion for him right now and he has no one else to talk to. I'm the only person he's told about his illness so far and I'd feel so guilty not being there for him. But it's taking its toll on me emotionally when I'm not sure what I can offer without giving him false hope. How can I navigate these waters and still respect him and the bond we share? No matter which choice I consider, it hurts so much.
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