Barking!

[HeatherFeather]

Ron barks a lot at us but not at our palliative care person and she sees this. She talked to me and Ron's daughter about this yesterday and was wondering why he's so terse with us and yet when she is with him alone, she asks him if he's ok, needs turning, needs coffee, water etc. - Ron just smiles sweetly and says, "no I'm ok". But the minute either I or his daughter come into the room all hell breaks loose and he's constantly needing something from us AND barking at us when it's not to his liking - we don't understand this at all! The two of us cannot sit down for a minute to relax - he constantly needs and needs and NEEDS - sheesh!

 

[gooseberry]

can you leave the house when they come? Even if just to sit outside for a bit alone?

 

[rosec]

Sounds exactly like my PALS. He has zero tolerance for me, and minimal tolerance for our daughter. He used to be extremely well behaved around everyone else, but lately he is starting to get irritated around others as well. Since he can't speak anymore he will grind his teeth really hard you can hear it in the next room.

 

[HeatherFeather]

can you leave the house when they come? Even if just to sit outside for a bit alone?

All this starts when our palliative caregiver leaves for the day around 5 p.m. and there's just me and Ron's daughter.

By-the-way, Ron's daughter came for an extended visit and to help out - she's being an absolute angel helping me clean the house and help her dad. It's only been two weeks she's been here and she's leaving end May. Before her visit, I was alone with Ron and succumbing to his lashing out and barking. So after May, I will be again.

We have Lucie, our Palliative care person, come in from 9 to 5 Monday to Friday and someone else on the weekend (new - will meet her today) from 9 - 1. When they are gone, it's just me 'n the hubbs and his barking and screaming.

I emailed the social worker from our local community service and asked that she see all three of us next week - we need to talk!

 

[HeatherFeather]

He's started screaming now, when I put him on the commode because he's lost all fat on his bum. I need to find a padded seat... any ideas?

 

[HeatherFeather]

Sounds exactly like my PALS. He has zero tolerance for me, and minimal tolerance for our daughter. He used to be extremely well behaved around everyone else, but lately he is starting to get irritated around others as well. Since he can't speak anymore he will grind his teeth really hard you can hear it in the next room.

What do you do?

 

[Nuts]

Heather, great news that Ron's daughter is being so helpful!

Is it possible that CALS are the target of all this anger because PALS need to vent in some way and know that their CALS won't leave? I don't mean to compare our PALS to children (well, with a couple of well loved exceptions ), but I remember my kids driving me up a wall while other people thought they were angels. With me they felt safe being bad.

When your Pallative Care person is there are you able to leave?

I feel awful asking this, but what would he do if you barked back at him and told him to behave? Does he realize what he's doing and is he capable of behaving if you put your foot down?

 

[skipper66]

He's behaving that way because he knows he can can't away with it. He knows you will love him no matter what and will tolerate it. Put your foot down now and call him out on it. Otherwise, it's going to get a whole hell of alot worse. You have to call it to his attention. That is so great that Ron's daughter is helping out. Is there another family member or friend that would be willing to help you out when she leaves. You can't do this all physically and mentally yourself. You have to take care of yourself as well.

 

[lgelb]

The best commode padding we found is the "commode chair pad" by Action Products.

 

[rosec]

What do you do?

Sometimes I remind myself that he is doing that because he needs to vent his frustrations somewhere. Sometimes I remind him that God made babies cute so that their mothers will take care of them no matter how hard it is, and like wise he needs to be nice to me if he wants me to take good care of him :wink:

When I can clearly see the frustration and anger on his face, I avoid looking at him

Have you asked his doctor about something to treat his anxiety, like Ativan, or something similar?

 

[MaxEidswick]

If I barked at Sandy I think she would bite

 

[gooseberry]

I find when I get ordered about, I tend to take my time. Sometimes a long time.

 

[Atsugi]

When he barks, feed him a biscuit.

 

[affected]

When he barks, feed him a biscuit.

... and put him outside ...

 

[skipper66]

I thought I was the mean one! Feed him a biscuit? lol