Pandora
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2011
- Messages
- 130
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 01/2011
- Country
- US
- State
- Texas
- City
- Crowley
I fight my demons like everyone else here. Should have, could have, would have, guilt, all the stuff the comes up at night when I am alone. But for the first time I had to tell people who don't know me (or walk the same path as we do here) that my Husband died. That scary question "Are you married?" I replied "I was. He passed away late last year and it has been a struggle. I am doing OK and moving on with what life has to give." It was strange and I felt like someone else was saying it. I was nice and answered all the questions you get, how, why, and when. But as I walked away, a few of the people were still chatting among the group and I over heard one of them say "Pitty, how some people will say anything for attention." Now this just rubbed me the wrong way. Attention really? Yes please, I made this whole thing up and practice and being an emotional mess, fight back tears almost every moment of my day, just to impress some people at my mothers church event.
I didn't retort to their comments, I didn't have the strength. Is it so far fetched that a woman in her 30's could be a widow? Is it so hard to think that I am getting back out into the public after 9 months? I just don't understand. Am I doomed to be locked up for the rest of my life in morning? If I go out should I have to face the ridicule? Should it even be a thought that someone would make it all up? I just don't get it.
I know people are insensitive, and some down right rude. I just never thought that I would encounter people like that at a church after a simple question. It really struck me as maybe there was something wrong with me. I made an effort to get out of the house and into a community project thinking I would feel better about myself but ended up just feeling bad, maybe more alienated, and somewhat forced back into the shadows.
I am not dating, I was just doing something for others. I was trying to feel better and do things I used to do. I have always felt people in need should get a hand up not a hand out.
And I get a back hand so to speak for doing just that. It was just a bad day. Maybe I should have not said anything. Maybe then next time people ask if I am married, I should just say No, a half truth.
Anyone else encounter judgments? Anything to share would nice. Even if it was about dating after and peoples reaction .. anything. I just wanted to see if this is the norm.
I didn't retort to their comments, I didn't have the strength. Is it so far fetched that a woman in her 30's could be a widow? Is it so hard to think that I am getting back out into the public after 9 months? I just don't understand. Am I doomed to be locked up for the rest of my life in morning? If I go out should I have to face the ridicule? Should it even be a thought that someone would make it all up? I just don't get it.
I know people are insensitive, and some down right rude. I just never thought that I would encounter people like that at a church after a simple question. It really struck me as maybe there was something wrong with me. I made an effort to get out of the house and into a community project thinking I would feel better about myself but ended up just feeling bad, maybe more alienated, and somewhat forced back into the shadows.
I am not dating, I was just doing something for others. I was trying to feel better and do things I used to do. I have always felt people in need should get a hand up not a hand out.
And I get a back hand so to speak for doing just that. It was just a bad day. Maybe I should have not said anything. Maybe then next time people ask if I am married, I should just say No, a half truth.
Anyone else encounter judgments? Anything to share would nice. Even if it was about dating after and peoples reaction .. anything. I just wanted to see if this is the norm.
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