Well, we had our family reunion and it was wonderful. It made Dick so happy and everyone was so loving and caring. Today the hospice social worker came and Dick asked her about assisted suicide. It is legal in Oregon. There is an advocacy group in Portland who will help with it. They locate a physician for you but you have to be able to administor the drug yourself which could be difficult since Dick can't use his arms. So she offered an alternative method where you starve yourself under heavy sedation, You refuse all water and food and pass in a peaceful way, or you just starve yourself without sedation. When you are close to death your body shuts down so you don't want food or water anyway, this speeds up the process. I am sitting there horrified this conversation is even taking place. I told the worker that starvation would never happen on my watch. I push him to eat and go places and I can't go there. Ultimately it is Dick's decision and I can support him by not stopping him. I feel I can't take much more. I talked to him about it and he said he wants to do assisted suicide as soon as his legs go because he does not want to be a burden on anyone and rely on equipment and he has always had control of his own life so why can't he control his own death, They gave him 1 to 3 months so now we are on our second month. I want to be supportive and respect his wishes, but it is so againt everything I believe in. You people live this disease daily and have your thoughts and know the psychological pain involved in ways I could never feel. Just for a minute take religion out of the equation and share your thoughts with me. I am having a really hard time with this. I can stand back on some things but this is beyond anything I ever imagined I would be faced with. It is one thing to have philosophical discusions on death with diginity etc, but when it becomes a reality it is such a different playing field. A year ago we are walking on the beach and I just can't believe where we are now.
Thanks,
Phyl
Thanks,
Phyl