Anyone else finding stuff

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KatieNBoyd

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So, has anyone else had the "pleasure" (sarcasm) of finding things, notes, letter, photos, emails, and the likes while clearing out stuff.

No I am not talking about High School stuff I am talking about things during your marriage/togetherness.

Yep, such fun, (sarcasm again!)
I feel like i have left surgery to begin my recovery and there has been a knife left in me! I feel SO taken for granted. I feel so angry, sad, lonely and hurt.
He lead me to believe that we were soulmates. I hate this
 

starente15

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I was cleaning a closet after Christmas and came across several pics of my dad when he was well. It literally takes my breath away when I come across these things.

(((hugs)))
 

gooseberry

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I found savings bonds, money, a safe deposit box, bills, etc. The surprises suck
 

affected

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I'm not sure what you must have found, but it really sucks xxx

I do know I have questioned many, many things over the past couple of years. I can't figure if there is valid reason to, or if it's a part of grieving.
 

texastc

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Katie, I have no doubt that you WERE soulmates. We all have/had shortcomings and did things we regret...but somehow never got around to making it right by getting it out in the open and getting past it together. My advice is to get rid of that stuff and don't ever give it another thought. Don't let this come between you now, it will only fester and cause you pain...of which there will be no way to fix it. I know if he could, he would hold you and tell you he was sorry for the bad judgement or decisions or whatever...and he never intended to hurt you. Never. Soulmates don't do that. Give him this do-over, for your own sanity and good.
Just my opinion...from a past soulmate. I had some bad judgement once, but I did get to make it right...before ALS. But there were some papers Tracy had from that...about a week before she died, she and I 'walked' to the trash...and pitched em in, together. No reading or reminiscing...just over. In the past. Pitch yours in too...and keep the good times in the forefront.


tc
 

KatieNBoyd

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You would think that if you knew you had these things and didn't want your spouse to find them (as you were hiding them in the first place) and you knew you were dying you would get rid of it so you wouldn't cause this pain. And that is just it I don't have any of this stuff. My divorce I got rid of everything. The men I dated before I met Jon, I got rid of all that when we met. I didn't need any of it.

I have always been told that I am "too nice"

I have gotten rid of everything that he has left for me to find. Email, photos, letters, and the likes. Yep a great bonfire of many things. There it goes in smoke. But it does not undo the shock and pain of finding that I have been lied to and taken for grated because I was "too nice"

makes me want to lock myself up in order to never be vulnerable again.
 

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I don't know what there is anyone can say it just sucks way too much.

For now, you are incredibly vulnerable, and your anger is justified. In time, maybe you will work through it all and not feel so vulnerable, maybe not.

For now, I just hope you can concentrate on you - really get everything cleaned out, make sure you get rid of it all now, no more surprises for another time. Don't think about more future relationships just yet, just decide that you are going to look after yourself the way you would if this were happening to your best friend.
 

texastc

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I agree Katie...you would think...and it was wrong.
 

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Katie is this stuff from well before the ALS/FTD or was it stuff that he was doing with FTD?
 

scaredwifetx

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So Sorry Kate. It's so very tough and heartbreaking to find out that your soul mate was dishonest. All you can do is move forward for yourself. You have been through so much and now its time for you. You did great by burning it all and putting it where it belongs, in the trash.

There are just some things that loved ones do that even they do not understand. Never feel bad for being to nice. Yes you could learn from it and you will never be the same. Some of that will not be bad. I hope you can find a way to start over and live the best life you can for you. Time to reevaluate the way you want to live your life. You will slowly find trust, peace and strength.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I found out a huge secret my mother kept about me and my supposed father. Only after her death and from a family member I have only met once. It broke my heart and I wondered how she could hide something like that from her daughter. I stayed angry for awhile and then forgave her and put it behind me. Not important any longer. I am what is important.
Hope this make sense and is helpful.

My thoughts are with you Kate and its not wrong to feel everything you are feeling.
 

KatieNBoyd

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No Tillie, this is stuff that began to happen around the time of the diagnosis.

As we have talked here over and through all of this I am fairly certain that there was FTD involved. I know in my heart the man I knew left this world before his actual body did. His mind was not there. It doesn't hurt any less but knowing what I know about the FTD dementia shows all the signs of the things he was doing. So I reflect back to those beautiful days before all this appeared and I am comforted.
Thank you all
 

sunandsea

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I don't usually look at the Past Caregivers postings but for some reason, I did today and read your post Katie. I can relate to what you have said - my PALS is still with me but in many ways, he isn't because of the FTD and he has been a different person the past couple of years. I feel for you and so sorry for the pain you are in. I hope you can continue to remember the man you knew before all the ugliness of ALS and FTD entered the relationship.
Be kind to yourself. Listen to the advice of those who replied. I feel like I could be returning to this thread at some point and reminding myself of what was said.
 

Staying strong

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Yes.. when I got up the Nerve to clean out Liz's nightstand I found a Note for each of our Kids.. I'm still waiting for the " Right Time " to give them to them..
 

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Katie, I'm so sorry that you are dealing with S**T on top of S**T!

Can I maybe make you laugh by telling you that as we go through my father and stepmothers things (she was my pal who passed last year and my dad, her husband, died in January) we have found so many "sexy" photos of my stepmother that my boyfriend and I have instituted a rule that only I can look at new packs of photos when they turn up!

I mean, I knew they were a lusty couple, but OMG make a lock box! LOL

Take care of yourself, Katie. Find a way to let go and forgive. I will send you my loving thoughts.

<3
Jen
 

gooseberry

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Way to go Dad!!!!
 
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