Dear ones,
Thank you all for your messages. I am slowly regaining my energy now but I fell very ill ( with a cold that went to my lungs) when the whirlwind of energy that came with Andres' passsing subsided. When the people and the adrenaline were gone and I had time alone it was as if all the exhaustion from years of forcing my body beyond its limits, of not sleeping etc kicked in. I was in bed for more then a week without being able to do anything but feel this inmense grief, to be with what is and what is no more. The only activity I could do at times was read the e mails people sent me ( more than 200! many from people I didn't even know), and that was a blessing, so sweet and moving and painfully raw at the same time, to see all the people that Andres touched, and realize that we will never know the extent of the effect he has had and will keep having on so many others. I remembered how he always cried when he realized this at other points of this journey, he was so very moved by knowing his suffering had not been in vain, that it was all part of the Grat Mystery. As he used to say don't ask why, ask what for...
I am feeling better now and ready for what's next: I am entering a retreat this tuesday for a week, then I go with Andres' family to the beach, where we will disperse one part of his ashes as he wanted. From there I go to another retreat for a week. These 2 very special events were happening anyway and I wasn't going to be able to go, so I am happy and grateful for the timing that gives me this opportunity and beleive it's going to be very beneficial to my process. I am looking forward to having time to connect with you...
Thanks again and the best to you.
With love and gratitude
Citlalli
