Status
Not open for further replies.

Citlalli

Member
Joined
May 25, 2007
Messages
26
Reason
CALS
Country
Mexico
State
Morelos
City
Tepoztlan
My beloved husband Andres passed away peacefully a week ago. It was all so very joyous and beautiful, he hardly suffered at all. From the day before he entered a magical space of feeling very good and laughing and telling all of us how much he loved us. We all had so much opportunities to express everything we wanted to say. His dad and I were with him at the moment of this death (his heart stopped, did not choke) and his brothers were in the next room and had been with him al day. We had a 3 day wake with buddhist meditation and an amazing memorial on sunday with hundreds of people. To share a little detail of the magic I'll tell you a little story. He wanted a band, a mexican brass band, traditional here in our little town. On the way back froom thje cremation saturday night we remember that no one had arranged that. So there we are making calls late im the night until we find one. After the ceremony they played andd people danced and rejoiced for Andres' life and when they are about to leave a friend tells me "There is something you have to see" and drags me by the hand to where the band is, and as they turn away to leave I see their name, painted on the back of their T shirts: Banda Citlalli !


It was all so amazing. It still is. Now I am home alone for the first time and feel an inmense sadness. so much grief...

He had arrranged everything, and made all the important decisions about treatment and funeral etc. I think everybody should take this to heart it made everything so much easier.

It also helps to read this letter he wrote for this moment and that I want to share with you.

With love and gratitude

Citlalli

My Last wishes

Dear family and friends,

The inevitable has occurred: I died. Please don’t be alarmed since I’ve been wishing and expecting this most precious and important event for many months. Although my ALS “disease” was an amazing blessing and the best teacher I ever had, it was an extremely arduous and difficult process. So, I’m really happy to finally be able to rest and most joyful to go home to my true nature. Therefore, this is in fact a very happy time for me and, since you were an important part in my life and touched my heart, I hope you can join me with a little celebration and prayer from wherever you are.

Please go to a silent place where you can feel calm and relaxed and sit comfortably. Light a candle and breath deeply a few times. Try not to think too much, just look at the flame, notice your breath and feel your body. Now think of some meaningful or happy time we spent together and do whatever feels right: pray, sing, cry, laugh, curse, or just stare at the candle. Please don’t suppress any emotion, just allow your heart to do what it needs. When you feel more released, please consider this:

1) Death is the most natural thing in life; it’s not our end, only the closing of a cycle.
2) Life cannot exist without death (just contemplate about the food we eat).
3) The only sure thing in life is death (all forms sooner or later disintegrate).
4) However the time of death is unknown. It could happen today, next month, or in 50 years. But one day, whether you are prepared or not, you’ll have to let go of your body, your loved ones and friends, all your money and possessions, all titles and achievements, all theories and concepts, all expectations and desires.
5) Have you lived the life that your heart wants?
6) Are you satisfied with the way your life is so that if you were to die tomorrow you could welcome death without regrets or remorse?
7) What things would you change, what would you do to be able to die tomorrow and feel satisfied and at peace?
8) What would you do to feel fulfilled and joyful with your life?

- Would you get married or divorced?
- Have a baby or adopt one?
- Spend more time with your family and less at the office?
- Heal the wounds from childhood or from past relationships?
- Reconcile yourself with your parents or other loved ones?
- Move to the city or the countryside?
- Go back to school or change careers?
- Ask for forgiveness or for an apology?
- Quit your job and go traveling?
- Buy a house or start your own business?
- Learn a new language or to play the piano?
- Learn to cook or to dance?
- Write a book or that important letter?
- Quit smoking or drinking?
- Begin to exercise or start eating healthier food?

What is it that you've been wanting to do but never have the time, courage or money to materialize it? Are you waiting for retirement, a raise or more time to do it? Please don’t waste more time wishing or complaining. Take action! Just do it.

In a nutshell, this is my “discovery” of what life is all about:

We are here, in this amazing planet, to learn from our experiences in order to open our hearts and minds so that we can grow in love and consciousness. To flow in the grace of God and become a conscious channel of Her/His divine love. The best way to do this is to try to live each moment as plentiful and aware as we can, to accept what IS and learn from what life -the NOW- is teaching us. To recognize that we and all beings are part of the ONE SACRED LIFE, part of God. Our true nature is perfect and eternal, is love, is divine. When our body disintegrates and gets recycled back to Mother Earth, the only thing we keep is the consciousness we gained and the love we gave and received while alive. So please don’t wait until you’re diagnosed with a fatal disease to start living. Live your life to the fullest and enjoy it. We are all involved in the most incredible and miraculous cosmic game; don’t take things too seriously!

You might wonder how can I know that only the body dies but our formless nature, our spirit, is immortal if I wrote this before dying? Well, as I experienced the degradation of my body and despite loosing my capacity to use my hands, legs and mouth, I always felt that I was the same. The sense of I AM was the same as when I was 3 years old; the same when I was 8, 13, 19, 25, 30, 34. Regardless of my age, health, physical strength, looks, titles, wealth, or experiences my spirit (consciousness, awareness, or whatever it is) remained pretty much the same. Maybe, as I grew older, this consciousness only got a bit more aware of itself and its interconnectedness with the rest of the creation and mesmerized by this awesome divine dance of forms and energies. However, this presence was unaffected by the sickness and disintegration of my body. So I just know that my real self, the silent watcher, is timeless.

My job is over as Andres A. Buenfil Friedman. I don’t know what my next job will be or what form my spirit will take to continue its growth and unification with God. I leave this beautiful body that was loaned to me with a feeling of completion, peace and satisfaction. I am very grateful for the extraordinary life that was given to me and for the privilege of knowing and interacting with all of you. Thank you very much for touching my life and walking next to me along my path. I feel especially grateful to the marvelous Shambhalacalli community, The Garuda community and The Sacred Fire Community, to my dear brothers David and Jacinto, to my wonderful dad Alberto, and to my beloved and amazing wife Citlalli for all their help, support and love during the most difficult, yet enlightening years of my life.


My last three wishes are these:

First, that you can do the candle contemplation/meditation I described above in order to help us both with this transition with acceptance. To let go with peace and gratitude, to say aDios (to-God).

Second, that my death can remind you -deep inside- that one day you too will die and motivate you to take the necessary actions to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

And third, and most important, that you may find yourself, that you may find the peace and love of God. This is actually much easier than you think since it is already inside you wherever you go, whatever you do.

Thank you very much! With all my love and blessings,
Andres


Andres Antonio Buenfil Friedman (10/23/1971 - 10/04/07)
 

ltr

Senior member
Joined
Feb 11, 2007
Messages
690
Country
US
State
NY
City
Elmira
My prayers are with you during your time of grief. Thank you so much for sharing Andres letter and wishes, it is beautiful.
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
State
Texas
City
Tomball
Citlalli, God bless you and your family. May Andres rest in peace. What a lovely, should I call it a "farewell letter?" Andres was a man with a big heart, such a fearless young man. I noticed that he too died a few days shy of his birthday like my son. I am totally out of words. It must have been quite a celebration. Thank you very much Citlalli for letting us know about Andres's departure. Keep us posted dear, and God bless!

Irma
 

brooksea

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 27, 2006
Messages
5,171
Reason
Other
Country
HM
Citlalli,

I am deeply touched by your willingness to share such a beautiful moment in time with all of us. I pray for you.

Thank you...
 

quadbliss

Distinguished member
Joined
Dec 12, 2006
Messages
392
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
07/1998
Country
US
State
California
City
Benicia
Citlalli,

I am grateful to have known you and Andres through your posts. Andres' example of how to live and die will remain with me always. I appreciate you sharing the intimate ups and downs of your journey, and especially the goodbye letter. It is luminous, inspirational, and humbling. I have learned alot from you two.

Thank you,

Mike
 

sherry0459

Active member
Joined
May 6, 2007
Messages
62
Diagnosis
03/2007
Country
US
State
Alabama
City
Jacksonville
Citlalli, What a wonderful man. He made sure you all knew how much he loved you and gave us wisdom, a insight into peace within ones self. To be reminded on a day when I was so down was a gift from you and Andres. Rest young man, for your spirit lives on. I will pray for you and his family as I light my candle. Blessing for us all found in one sweet enlighting letter. Visit us again please. THANK YOU ANDRES & CITALLI
Sherry Key
 

Al

Moderator emeritus
Joined
May 25, 2004
Messages
7,960
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2003
Country
CA
State
On
City
NW of Toronto
Thank you for taking the time to share this with us all during your time of sadness. He was a very special man for a very special lady I am sure.
AL.
 

CindyM

Moderator emeritus
Joined
Sep 17, 2006
Messages
3,543
Reason
Learn about ALS
Country
US
State
New England
City
Anytown
I am going to print Andre's letter and share it with a few of my friends and family who I think might be open to his message. He continues to teach even now. Thank you, Cindy
 

Beebe

Distinguished member
Joined
May 2, 2006
Messages
319
Diagnosis
4/2006
Country
oce
State
new jersey
City
forked river
Andres

Dear Citlalli, Just wanted you to know our thoughts and prayers are with you. What a beautiful passage your husband wrote. My best to youand your family. Fondly, Beebe
 

TerryO

Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2007
Messages
18
Reason
PALS
Country
CA
State
Alberta
City
Rocky Mountain House
Citlalli,
Thank you for sharing your husbands beautiful letter with us. i can hardly see to type through my tears of sadness, joy, comfort and friendship. Your husband was a very wise man. i hope that the end can be as special for my own dear husband. i can almost hear the brass band playing and will dance in honor of such a loving couple.
Yours , Terry
 

kelly

Senior member
Joined
Oct 6, 2006
Messages
661
Country
US
State
ny
City
saratoga springs
Amazing

I just recently started reading your threads...you are both an inspiration to me. I am so sorry for your loss...my heart definitely ached when I read of your dear husband passing. His words of wisdom....are absolutely amazing. My husband is 40..and struggling with bulbar als.....your story sounds so familiar. Sounds like you have faith...that is wonderful. Your family will be forever in my thoughts. Kelly
 

Frizzel

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 15, 2007
Messages
177
Reason
DX UMND/PLS
Diagnosis
03/2007
Country
US
State
WA
City
Vancouver
Thank you *

Andres shared: So I just know that my real self, the silent watcher, is timeless.
I believe this as well.

My prayers are with you Citlalli as you transition being without the love of your life.

Adios Andres~

Frizzel
 

ccox

Active member
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
71
Country
US
State
TX
City
austin
Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your journey, for being honest, and for sharing such an intimate letter. It is really meant for all mankind. You were blessed with his being and will continue to be blessed with his memory.
Prayers and peace for your soul and your heart in the days and weeks to come.
Carla
 

Lorie

Senior member
Joined
May 17, 2007
Messages
546
Reason
Loved one DX
Country
Uni
State
Alabama
City
Mobile
Citalli/Andres

I Love this Line:

We are here, in this amazing planet, to learn from our experiences in order to open our hearts and minds so that we can grow in love and consciousness.

This is very similiar to what I tell my husband often. A lot of people don't get it. It is very true and Andres knew it.

The impact he has made is tremendous!

You are in my Heart, Thoughts and Prayers.


Lorie
 

NvrGiveUp

Active member
Joined
Jun 12, 2007
Messages
42
Reason
CALS
Country
US
State
FL
City
Orlando
God bless you and your family

Hi Citlalli... I pray that God will give you strength to get through this time of immense loss. Andres seems to have known that his death was a release into a new life. From what you have described, I am happy for him to be free now. I know that you are the one who needs the most help now. I hope that you will be surrounded by many friends and family to watch over you and to help you get through this. You are very brave and very strong. I still have not given up hope for T, but when things have gotten tough I have thought of you and the things you have said, and it helps me be stronger. God bless you and I hope that you will continue to share with us when you are able, it really helps.

My deepest sympathy,
Pam
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top