ALS - Marriage and divorce

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Kiwi22

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This will be my first time posting in this forum. I'm recently going through a divorce, and one of the main reason was that my in-laws didn't like that fact that my mom was an ALS patient. They were worried about the disease being passed down to my children (if I were to get pregnant), and they were also worried that one day I might be diagnosed with ALS as well.

I was very honest with my husband and my in-laws when we first started discussing about marriage, and I tried my best to explain to them what the disease was about. They didn't seemed to have a problem w/ it and so we went on and proceed w/ the wedding.

However, couple months into our marriage, my in-laws started showing a change in attitude and became very literal about their concerns for my body and the whole ALS thing. At first, my husband seemed very supportive and he would try & communicate with his parents; however, his attitude started changing slowly and eventually started to use my mom's illness against me whenever we run into disagreements (he would say how much pressure he has knowing that I might have ALS but he still married me anyways so I should or shouldn't blahblahblah...).

Although I know this is his strategy to win over me in an argument, I can't help but feel angry & hurt because there was nothing I can say to defend myself against what he said; I cannot argue that I will never be diagnosed w/ ALS and I cannot argue that my child/children will be 100% healthy..

Now a part of me feels relieved that I finally had the courage to call an end to this marriage, but the other part of me feels scared and angry... I'm scared because I want to be loved for who I am but at the same time I'm scared to become that someone's burden...

ALS has taken many valuable things from me including my mom, and now it's still making me suffer from its consequences even though my mom has already left us...

I'm sorry this is kind of long; I'm so overwhelmed with emotion that I don't know how to properly express myself anymore...
 
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lgelb

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Very sorry for your double loss of your mom and your marriage, kiwi, though it doesn't sound like your husband was the right guy for you. Your mom, I know, was lucky to have you at her side. It will take time for you to find your own path to happiness but you are on your way.

When we partner up with someone, whether we get married or not, "in sickness and in health," however expressed, also applies to the family and even friends of that person. How could it not? So we cannot call it a burden, and if you find another guy, the right guy, he won't consider it that. It is a responsibility, a trust, a safety net that those in committed relationships have a right to expect.

From the other side of it, after I lost my husband, I certainly didn't leave his family in the dust. I remain committed to help when I can and that will never change.

Your in-laws and husband probably didn't really want to know the facts, for whatever reason. Sometimes fear and distaste around illness take over, and that is their loss. But this is all very new and you are still going through the divorce. Give yourself time to grieve, and you will come through a wiser and stronger person, and you will find that path to sharing your strength and compassion with the one who is meant for you.

Best,
Laurie
 
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Vincent

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One of life's hard lessons is that adversity does not build character. It REVEALS it. Good for you for having the strength to get out of what had the markings of a bad relationship. GOD forbid, but if you did get sick these are not the people you want around you. There are much finer people out there.
Vincent
 

Jlynn

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Well said Vincent! I couldn't have said it better myself. So sorry that you've had to go through all this Kiwi but Vincent is spot on when he says that IF something did happen they would not be the best people to have surrounding you. As painful as it is now there is someone great for you out there. Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to get your prince!
 
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