zaff
we all understand and are here to support you anyway we can.
firstly, people don't know on here but i am not the happy person i try to appear to be.
i have suffered from manic depression ( periods of inapropriate euphoria followed by clinical depression)since my late teens,this is a family curse on my mums side,she too has had it since her teens. in my teens and early twentys i have tried to take my life on a number of occasions during bad episodes.i was brought up a christian and know it is wrong but i had lost my faith during this time but glad to say i now have it back.
i know how you feel. there is a deep dark pit you can't seem to get out of or feel there is no way out,it appears hopeless. but there is a tiny flicker of light there you just need to look hard for it, it could be a thought of a loved one, for me it was my son or anything that is important to you in your life. you need to concentrate on that flicker and make it brighter till it illuminates your thoughts. i know it sounds easier said than done, but try it.
also see your doctor, if the one you have is not sympathetic get another,i can't remember if you said your still taking antidepressants if not they may help, if you are then there are not working,you need to up the dose or change them.
in sp/hsp/pls you can have bladder problems but never heard of bowels being effected.
from what you describe,the alternation between constipation and loose bowels does sound like irritable bowel syndrome, your doctor can help with this but you need to look at your diet as too much monosodium glutamate in foods or wheat can be the culprit.
when you go to your next appointment take a relative with you so they can be informed about your illness. print info for family to look at on sp/hsp so they can try to understand your illness better. if you want info to print i can give you some reliable sites.
we can work through this with you to help. i know i had a moan the other day as i have been a bit depressed but in a reply i got geo said "now you know what i go through" this gave me a jump start and i thought "get over yourself women" lol.
finally on a lighter note you can't tell me your not strong/hard enough. i know you geordie lads well. in my early twentys i used to work in a pub in my town. on saturdays we would get coach loads of you geordie lads," wehey man, yeh canna put yeh drink away".(sorry about the poor impersination). hard as nails you lot,seen many fights.
when you feel bad just tell us and together we will help you climb out of that black pit.
god bless
caroline:-D