Afraid of dying / existential stuff

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Moira

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2018
Messages
1
Reason
DX MND
Diagnosis
11/2017
Country
UK
State
europe
City
europe
Hi. Lately (few months) I have been feeling depressed and anxious.
I am afraid of dying. Not the dying itself, but the existential questions around it.

Was my life useful? Have I been inspirational, funny, social, intelligent...good enough? Will the not forget me?
I keep getting stressed, like I need to do something, now, before I die. Write a book, vlog, make a lot of pictures of myself, be inspirational, be better.
I am so scared of not having made a big enough impact, and terrified of being forgotten. I already started a diary with the main reason so my lovedones have something to remember me by and not forget me. However everytime I write something in it, it makes me even more sad.

I have no children, I got sick (progressive neurodegenrative)
when I was 21 and single and I am 31 now. It’s only rational to believe I won’t reach 40, because after some stable years, things just get worse. Vpap needs adjustments, stuff like that. I already am older than I thought I would become tbh.

It is up to this point, it preoccupies my mind, and besides that I am scared it will keep me from enjoying what I have left. I am too stressed about doing something good before I go, and that on itself makes me stressed too. Because I need to ‘hurry’.
I keep stressed and crying...

I just want to know if anyone else recognises this... especially the feeling and thoughts not being intersting / afraid people will forget me.
 

lgelb

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Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
8,475
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
State
WA
City
Seattle
Hi, Moira, can you share more about your diagnosis so we can put your post in the right place?

Maybe the reason writing in your diary makes you sad is that it would help you more to do things at this stage? So many of our members find that planning and then doing as best they can what makes them happy ultimately makes their loved ones happy as well.

Best,
Laurie
 

Vincent

Senior member
Joined
Dec 30, 2013
Messages
976
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
08/2014
Country
CA
State
ON
City
Barrie
Hi Moira, The fact you ask the question, identifies you as a thoughtful person. What you need to be now is who you were before diagnosis. A kind thoughtful person. You will not be forgotten by anyone who matters. As I watched my father die of cancer the most amazing thing is at the end he was still who he was. Not someone shrunken by rage or self pity or even sadness. You are who you are, people who matter will remember. Go ahead and make new memories. We all die, we don't all die today.
Vincent
 

Tessiegirl

Active member
Joined
Jul 15, 2018
Messages
32
Reason
PALS
Country
US
State
South Carolina
City
Inman
Hi Moira, The fact you ask the question, identifies you as a thoughtful person. What you need to be now is who you were before diagnosis. A kind thoughtful person. You will not be forgotten by anyone who matters. As I watched my father die of cancer the most amazing thing is at the end he was still who he was. Not someone shrunken by rage or self pity or even sadness. You are who you are, people who matter will remember. Go ahead and make new memories. We all die, we don't all die today.
Vincent
Wise words Vincent.
Don't let anyone including your self put a tag on your toe son. Live day to day. If that doesn't work live minute by minute . I'm so sorry u have this s-- t .
 
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