Advice please , dear friends

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Flowerpot

Active member
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
80
Reason
CALS
Country
UK
State
Tyne and Wear
City
Newcastle upon Tyne
Hi All

As you know it has been me and my elder sister these past few months , caring for Mum and then finding the right long-term care for her.....

Now another sibling is back on the scene and in quite an angry mode - what do I do ? Mum is still v frightened about seeing them but wants to make peace too.

I saw the sibling last week and the malevolence was awful to feel. before a big bust up with Mum sibling was giving but in a controlling way - I was off the scene with depression so have double guilt as I came back on as they went off - if you get the story.

Feel very confused

Flowerpot
 

BethU

Extremely helpful member
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
2,644
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2008
Country
US
State
California
City
Los Angeles
Oh, man ... what a situation. How can any human being bring anger and hostility into a situation such as your mother's, when she needs all the comfort and support she can get?

How long is this sibling going to be around? Can you wait them out and avoid them? If they are going to be around for a while, is there some third party ... a social worker at your mom's care facility, or a pastor or another relative who is not close to the situation .... who could help mediate with this sibling? Someone who could convince the sibling that this is not about them and their agenda ... it's about your mom ! And that making peace with the family will help your mom more than anything.

I hope this person either comes to her/her senses and lets your mom feel that the family is at peace ... or gets the h--- out of there.

Hang on.
 

thelma313

Senior member
Joined
Aug 25, 2008
Messages
888
Country
CA
State
Quebec
City
Montreal
I'm with BethU. I don't understand why your sibling can't put his/her differences aside during this time. This is your mother's life! I'm sure that it would mean everything to her to know that her children are there for each other. I hope she isn't exposed to your sibling's hostility.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It must be very difficult. Do you think your sibling would be open to talking about his/her hostility? If you don't think it's possible to have a calm and mature conversation with this person then you should avoid him/her at all costs. You don't need to be exposed to that kind of negativity at a time like this and you shouldn't indulge this kind of behavior. If you do think that a mature conversation can take place then I would say, it is worth trying to make peace. You're family and you need to stick together!

Best of luck!
 
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