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tdeveau

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2009
Messages
1
Reason
Loved one DX
Country
ca
State
Ontario
City
keswick
My name is Tatjana and my mom was diagnosed July 2008. My mom is not only dealing with the ALS, but she has also batteling cancer for the last 5 years.
Who would have thought that she would too have ALS.
I, as well as my sister are dealing with this the best we can and are there for my mom and dad as much as possible.
What I am wondering is, my son 15 and daughter 17 are both close to my mom. She basically raised them while I was at work. I worry about my daughter because she will not talk about it at all. It is starting to effect her school, her friends, our family. I know it is my mom's illness is doing this to her, but I can not get her to talk to anyone. She won't even talk to me and I am really getting concerned and do not know where to go.
It is starting to really impact my family trying to deal with this and I know my mom senses this as well. I can't talk to her about it, it would break her heart if she knew what my daughter was going through.

Any guidence. Has or is anybody facing the same thing?
 
Hi there. Welcome but sorry you have to be here looking for help. If you can get her to go to www.als.ca and go to the teens area there is support and information for teens. It may help.

AL.
 
We printed the handbooks for teens and gave them to our kids. Our kids are basically the same age as yours but in reverse (son is 17 and daughter is almost 15). My wife and daughter read the handbook together and discussed it. She (my daughter) was hit very hard by the whole thing but she has really stepped up and helps her mom a lot. My son on the other hand refuses to discuss it. Me and him talk about it from time to time when I bring it up but I don't push the issue. I am sure as the wifes progression worsens reality will set in and he may want to discuss it more. We have thought about counseling for the two of them but I know my son will either refuse to go or just sit there and say nothing. I just keep trying to discuss it with him and I know when he is ready he will talk about it.
 
Hi Tatjana;
Sorry to hear about your Mom. My wife was DX’d about 2 ½ years ago and we have three children ranging between 18-22. We have gone through a lot in the last couple of years and are still adapting daily how to best handle our situation, but our youngest son sounds very similar to your daughter. He’s a very private person and keeps a lot bottled up inside him. This adversely effected his school work, personal relationships and ability to interface with the family. He couldn’t sleep, stay focused and lost his temper at the slightest things. We convinced him to go to counseling for a few months and started some meds that dealt with the initial sleep depravation and depression. This helped. We also met with the teachers and administration at his school to make them aware of what was going on at home, so they could better understand some of the changes they were seeing in his performance. As a result he has built a solid relationship with a couple teachers in the school that he can confide in when he starts feeling overwhelmed. It’s sometimes easier for him to bring things up with people outside the family than inside.
We arranged a couple group meetings with our hospice social worker and the rest of the family that were also very productive and in which, to my surprise, my son participated in. One of the things that were brought up during these meetings, was that the grieving process actually beginning long before we lose our loved ones. As the illness changes our normal family situation and relationships, we experience grief as a result. We actually taped the “7 stages of grief” to our frig so we could better understand why we were feeling the way we were, come to terms with it and move on so we can focus more on the good things we can still enjoy, rather than the denial, guilt and anger that goes with the grieving.
I’d like to tell you that this has solved all my son’s issues and he’s back to his normal self, but it hasn’t. He has learned how to deal with his emotions better and tries to move through negative feelings more quickly, but still has a tendency to keep too much to himself. All we can do sometimes is to remind him we’re here for him, if he needs us and to take each day one at a time.
Good luck and you’re not alone.
 
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