catcaniac
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2010
- Messages
- 189
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 12/2010
- Country
- US
- State
- North Carolina
- City
- Sneads Ferry
April 10th. This morning around 9 am, my husband reminded me by pointing at letters on a sheet of paper while I held his left arm, that today marked the anniversary of his grand mal seizure exactly one year ago. This date will forever be marked in our minds as the day when our lives would never be the same again. Prior to that day, Eric never complained of being tired or sick. He didn't even get the colds or flu viruses that I often brought home from my students at school. Our biggest worries in the world were what in the world we would choose to share together for our nightly dinner enjoyment. It wad the first time in my life that I had ever called 911. Eric stopped breathing that day and I had to use my former lifeguard training to restore an airway to get him breathing again. From that day to this....we have been in the fight of our lives. It is hard to imagine that just one year later, I would be sitting here on the bed, waiting to interrupt this message to suction my husbands saliva for over the hundredth time today. One year ago, he took not one daily medication. At 9 pm, I pumped him full of Zantac, Lamotragine, Clonipin, Oxycodone, and Senna, not to mention the shot of Lovenox this morning in his stomach. He had 5 different visitors today with no other communication than an occasional thumbs up with his ever important left hand. his heart rate has been racing upwards to 140 today and he has been choking and gagging most of the afternoon. Our bedroom now includes a Hoyer lift, ventilator, 2 suction machines, Pulsox, oxygen, back up oxygen tanks, adjustable beds, syringes, gauze, isosource, blood pressure monitor, thermometer, bed pan, urinal, vest airway clearance system, and a small pharmacy. Eric has no more dignity, he uses the bathroom even when new strangers are here to assist. He can not move his head or any other muscle but his left hand without someone else assisting him. We have so many friends. They are trying so hard to be helpful. They are having a redfish tournament in his honor on the 30th of this month. It is already raising a huge amount of funds. I told him, hey Eric....we could even put in an elevator and you could go out. Would you want to? He just looked at me. I said, you don't even feel like it, do you? He shook his head, no. In only a year, we have been robbed of our lives. Marriage? I love Eric and will always take care of him.....but the word I knew as marriage is gone. I hate ALS. I hate what it has taken from the absolute most wonderful man I know. I miss his voice and his 6'3" stature towering above to protect me. I miss going to dinner and hearing his voice. We still cry together when times are tough. This message is for those of you who have this awful disease. Please tell your spouse you love them and record it while you still can. Have candlelight dinner together. Talk a walk...even if it is in a wheelchair. We were robbed of these moments before we even knew they were passing us by. I know that God is touching a great number of people through Eric's illness. So please don't waste time asking "why". Just spend time figuring out what needs to be done and experienced while you still have time.
