Hi Sandra,
My brother is thankfully still with us so I cannot give an answer about how I will feel at a later stage in this journey but to me, I think that the posts have the potential to have more than one affect. Perhaps Carol or TBear can give a better answer, but to me, I think the posts can serve to remind you of the good memories and the bad ones that come with dealing with ALS.
We cannot erase the journey we are on and after our loved ones have passed our lives will never go back to normal. We will find a new normal but we are all changed by this experience nevertheless. I hope that when I look back on the posts, I'll be reminded of the love and support of friends whom I have never met that gave me support when I needed it, answers when I had questions and who listened when I talked about my brother, my frustrations about the testing process for ALS, etc. and whatever else I might add to the forum over the months and years. I know that some of the postings might remind me of the pain and sadness I felt when my brother lost his ability to do yet another thing, but I also hope it will remind me of the strength I received from people who knew what I was feeling because they were feeling the same thing. I think it will make me want to continue coming back to help others as well. It wll remind me of my brother's spirit of courage and the tenacious way he is confronting this illness because to me, I see the same courage, the same tenacity in every person I have met with ALS.
I hope that when I reread the postings, they will remind me to live my life every day honouring my brother's memory, and the life he taught me to live - to really seize the day, never wait for tomorrow, to claim my future and appreciate the love of my family and friends - things I always knew to do but never knew how to externalize until I saw how he does it on a day to day basis. I think I will be reminded of how proud I am of my brother and the reasons why I will always look up to him.
Well, I am getting all sappy and starting to ramble on so I'll stop there. It's clear that you love your mom very much. Just remember that while there will be bad memories that you will be reminded of that might bring back the sadness, you will also be filled with all of the good ones. And with the good ones, I think you can be blessed as well. If I'm way off here guys, I apologize but I'm an eternal optimist, even through all of this. I think it's what gets me through the emotional days though so it can't be all that bad to think this way.
Love to all,
Trish