Manhattanite
Distinguished member
- Joined
- May 10, 2015
- Messages
- 209
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 05/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- NY
- City
- New York
It was my PALS funeral and burial yesterday. My sister-in-law and I worked together to plan the service. My PALS was half Jewish (I was raised Catholic) but he was agnostic. His sister and I worked out a compromise to make the memorial follow tradition without being overly religious. The eulogies were beautiful; we had a cantor who sang lovely songs. I felt that I was fully given the respect and priority I deserved as his husband and caretaker -- many of you know this had been an issue for me through this process.
I identified my PALS body in the casket without fear, and he looked so at peace and no longer ill with this horrible disease. It was then that I knew he was free.
About a hundred people came - including a friend he had since kindergarten! My PALS was truly an amazing individual.
The burial was tough but I found the strength to go through it calmly. I found myself comforting people who were so distressed. It was as if I was still accessing that source of care in me that allowed me to be there for my PALS, but this time giving it to others.
When I look at pictures I took of my PALS in the last month, I can see how ill he really was. When you are in the middle of this war you only worry about the next feeding, the next medication, the next bath, the next change of clothes... the routine made me a little blind to the reality of how much he was suffering, so I now accept that his death came at the right time it should have, under my PALS control, the result of all the decisions he made. Thank you Laurie (lgelb) for making me see this.
Thank you everyone for your comments the last few days. They have really helped me to start the process of healing.
I identified my PALS body in the casket without fear, and he looked so at peace and no longer ill with this horrible disease. It was then that I knew he was free.
About a hundred people came - including a friend he had since kindergarten! My PALS was truly an amazing individual.
The burial was tough but I found the strength to go through it calmly. I found myself comforting people who were so distressed. It was as if I was still accessing that source of care in me that allowed me to be there for my PALS, but this time giving it to others.
When I look at pictures I took of my PALS in the last month, I can see how ill he really was. When you are in the middle of this war you only worry about the next feeding, the next medication, the next bath, the next change of clothes... the routine made me a little blind to the reality of how much he was suffering, so I now accept that his death came at the right time it should have, under my PALS control, the result of all the decisions he made. Thank you Laurie (lgelb) for making me see this.
Thank you everyone for your comments the last few days. They have really helped me to start the process of healing.