A blanket of snow - ALS and dying - part II

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judyroyalglenn

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Lost a loved one
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TN
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Knoxville
In this thread: My new “job”

**I will be writing about a friend's 18 year old son was tragically killed in a car wreck to continue my first thread “a blanket of snow.” This thread started with me writing about the death of my mom who passed away from ALS, and I shared things I learned along the way. I continued writing about other deaths I had been through, and I hope they proved beneficial to you. First, I have to get up to date with this short post before I start writing about his death on Thursday’s post.


Uncle Jim and Aunt June had picked out a nice two bedroom apartment at a retirement facility to live in before he passed away. Ever since Uncle Jim died, Aunt June needs someone to help care for her because she has Parkinson’s disease.

One of her daughters asked me if I would like to be a part-time caregiver for her. There are four of us, and I do whatever she needs me to do. I take her to the grocery store, shopping, and take her dog to the vet. The two things that are especially designated to me are to do her medicines each week and do her hair. I kinda think it is funny that I do her hair. I wash her hair, blow dry it, and curl it. I was a tomboy when I was younger, and I don’t think I have ever used a curling iron in my life!

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
What a caring and wonderful person you are. Thanks for sharing and putting a smile on my face.
 
Thanks WellsRuby:) You are welcome.
 
In this thread: “Just like that”

“Just like that” were words that came to my mind a few times yesterday. A friend’s 18 year old son was killed in a wreck Sunday night. He just graduated this year from high school and was to start college this week. I did not personally know him, but he was a very smart kid who was talented in the field of technology. He helped at church and various other places with the lights and sound during productions, and he was very talented with his computer knowledge.

He spent pretty much the whole day at various church functions on Sunday, and that night after taking his girlfriend home, his truck veered off the road, went into a ditch, hit a culvert, overturned, and he suffered fatal injuries.

My husband was telling me this about his death while we were talking on the phone. I was on a road near their house, so made a U-turn and diverted from my plans. When I got to their house, there were a lot of people there, but his parents were at the funeral home. I stayed for short while because I was told it would probably be a very long time before they would be home because they had a lot of decisions to make.

I was originally on my way to help Aunt June for the afternoon before I got the call, so after I left their house, I went to help her. While Aunt June and I were out running our errands, she needed me to run into the grocery store. I was about to pass the flower section and stopped in my tracks because the flowers were beautiful, and I wanted to buy some for the family.

I prayed pretty much the whole day for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy. My prayers changed as I was on the way to their house. I prayed for the Lord to give me abundant strength. I wanted to be strong for them and did not want to break down and cry.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “Just like that (part II)”

I arrived back at their house around 5:00, and my friend was standing in the front yard talking to our minister of music. When I hugged her she said, “Can you believe this is happening?” She has been through so much over the years. Her mom and dad passed away, and her brother has prostate cancer. I was quiet and listened as she told me the things her son had done that day, and then she told me the details of the wreck. Her strength was incredible. She was so strong.

We went inside and I talked with her for a while. She was thankful for the family trip they took last summer. Their trip was for three weeks, and they travelled out West in a RV. Her son put together a DVD of the trip and added music to it. They played the DVD while I was there. I watched part of it, and then talked to other family members before I left.

It was 7:00 when I left, and my husband had already eaten, so I picked some food up for myself and Ashton. Of course, I wanted to eat with him after going through this whole ordeal, but I had a difficult time sitting at the table without crying. As I was sitting there, I felt bad that I could hug him and my friend could not hug her son. I got up from the table and went to the bathroom so I would not cry in front of him. I made it through dinner with a tear or two, but I don’t think he noticed.

I went to bed early so I could cry. There gets to be a point where I have to stop crying because my face hurts so much. I learned to take Tylenol before bed so that my face isn’t killing me the next morning.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “Struck a chord”

His death has really struck a chord with me. I guess it is because Ashton is about her son’s age, but I also grieve for them. I again prayed for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy. I woke up around 4 a.m. and prayed a lot. The kids that went to her son’s school came to my mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral service and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know the reason for his death, but maybe it was for his classmates to hear about Jesus.

A friend of mine wrote a note to the family on facebook last night. It was a nice tribute, and it made me cry. One of the things she said was, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” What an amazing statement!

**What are we doing with our years?**

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “The visitation (part I)”

The visitation service was last night. I have never been to a service where the ushers have to seat you in the chapel because there are so many people standing in line. As the line went down, they moved a few rows of seated people to the standing line. By the time we got closer to the front of the line, the pews were almost full. Many students from his school were there as well as a lot of older people.

As we entered the room where the family was, the high school minister from our church was standing in the doorway. At first I was teasing him by asking him if he was the official greeter. He said he started talking to a few people then I guess he decided to continue. We talked as we waited for the line to move, and he told me he never had a student to die. It was real hard on him. He went to the family’s house and as he was praying with the dad, he prayed three words and that was it. He couldn’t pray anything else because of his emotions.
I told him I had been praying for the students that would be coming to the service, and he made reference to the number of people praying. He did not know if he would be able to articulate what he needed to say during the service. I told him he would do just fine.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “The visitation (part II)”

My friend and her husband were standing at the head of their son’s casket. I lady in line behind me said, “Can you imagine if that were your son?” As I got closer to the casket, I noticed her son had on one of those trendy rubber bracelets imprinted with words on them. I peered closer to read the description. It read, “CLASS OF 2013.”

I spoke to my friend first. She thanked me for the flowers and said she thought of me when she looked at them. I told her I woke up at four o’clock, and then I started getting choked up, so I put my hands together to symbolize prayer. I was crying now, and finished what I was trying to say. I told her I stayed awake till 5:00. She was glad I told her that because that was when she needed it (prayer). I spent a good amount of time talking to her.

I then hugged her husband and talked to him. We have been in the same Sunday school class for over ten years, and we have been through so much together. He said he had something for me, and he got a candy mint out of his pocket. We laughed. I bring mints to Sunday school class and occasionally pass them out.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “His funeral”

The next day was the funeral, and again I prayed for grace, peace, and mercy for the family and for people to come to know Christ during the funeral. At was neat to see all the people there. His life touched so many people. There were a lot of students there from several schools. Several pastors spoke during the funeral including the Children’s Pastor, Middle School Pastor, High School Pastor, our and Senior Pastor.

I did not know her son very well, so my grief is different. My grief is for my friend and what she and her family are going through; it is real nonetheless. It made me think of the believers being the body of Christ. “If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.” (NLT, 1 Corn. 12:26)

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “A special devotion”

Yesterday, I went to her house to drop off my devotion book and a sympathy card. There was a devotion that I wanted her to read that I thought would minister to her. When I got inside her house, her daughter called her because she needed to be picked up from the orthodontist. I asked her if she wanted me to stay or come with her. I rode with her, and we talked on the way. She was telling me about all the people who came up to her at the funeral home and told her so many neat things she did not know about her son. Several people told her that her son was the only person that would speak to their child. She also was told of a child he tutored while he was out riding his bike. He was such a servant and did not want to be in the spotlight. To give testimony of the number of people at the visitation, the visitation was from 5:00-8:00 p.m., and when I asked her what time she left, it was a few minutes before midnight.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “Being a servant”

I wanted to minister to my friend, and the only way I knew how was to serve her. I cleaned my sister's house after her newborn son passed away, and I knew cleaning house was not high on my friend's priority list.

I went over to her house twice within the last week to see if I could persuade her to let me clean her house. She did not know I was coming either time. As I was pulling into her driveway the first time I went to her house, another car was also pulling in. It was the middle school pastor and his family. When I got to her back door, her husband greeted us. I asked him if I was intruding on anything. He told me they were going to see their son’s truck and get his stuff out of it. The pastor was going with them and his wife and kids were staying at their house to watch over Grandmother.

I told my friend that I wanted to minister to her, and I brought my million dollar vacuum to clean their house. So while they were gone, I began vacuuming their house. I asked her before she left if she wanted me to do her son’s room. She said it was okay. When I got to her son’s room, I thought about the words on the song “We Are Standing on Holy Ground.” Not that it was Holy ground, but I was trying to be respectful while being in his room. I can’t really put it into words of how I was feeling. On his desk were a lot of thing….his name tag from work, a graduation card, and graduation pictures.

They came back from seeing his truck. She said it was hard, but both she and her husband commented that seeing the truck helped them to understand things better. The door frame and windshield had bucked in near the headrest which caused their son’s fatal head and neck injuries.

I wanted to clean more, but I needed to go help Aunt June. I told her to call me. I knew she probably wouldn’t. This thought got reconfirmed when I read a lady’s blog this week. The lady wrote on her blog things not to say to someone who has lost a loved one. This lady knew this all too well because she also lost her son. She didn’t want people to say to call if they needed anything. What she meant by this statement was instead of leaving a message saying that they were here, for them to actually show up to the door and be here. She was saying to follow up with our words.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “Being a servant (part II)”

So, today I showed up at her house again. I knew her husband went back to work today. I told her it wasn’t my fault (about me being there), and I told her about the blog I read stating to be there. She also said she probably wouldn’t have called.

This time I had a bucket of cleaning materials with me, and I wanted to clean her bathrooms and kitchen, then dust, and Swiffer. I talked with her a little while I was cleaning the kitchen. I moved the coffee pot and found two things behind it. One of the things I found was a tithing envelope that had her son’s name on it with a dollar amount written on it. I showed it to her in case she did not know it was there. She said it was in his pocket (when he died) and she was going to take it to the church. I think that is really neat!

I was able to finish cleaning their house and was glad I could minister to them in this way. I also found out the middle and high school students at our church brought in pantry items for the family. She had a large plastic shelving unit filled with all kinds of food. What a great idea.

*** Having written this chapter….Do you think this was the right approach to helping a grieving person or would a person that is very private perhaps need the time and space to grieve? *** What is your experience with this situation? I know each person is different. ***

**Your comments are greatly appreciated because next time I don't know if I will use this approach. I lost my mom to ALS, but I can't put myself in my friend's shoes.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “Two Miracles”

Just this week I learned about a neat story. A curator, Shelly, at the State Botanical Garden of Georgia, knew about my blog and thought I would like to hear a story. He wanted to show me something in the Iris garden, so I followed. He walked me to an iris that was blooming and about to open.

He told me about the flower and the amazing story behind it. What could be so neat about an iris in the garden? This story is of one miracle that turned into two. The story of the flower is special because of a young man named Jason who worked in the garden in the past, and the Japanese iris was his favorite.

Jason was killed in a car wreck on September 18, 2012. Shelly took Jason’s mom some iris plants and planted them at her house the month after he died. Shelly told me Jason was the greatest person you would ever meet.

The first miracle of the story is the flower bloomed a year and one day after he passed away, but there is more. There are no other iris flowers blooming anywhere else in the garden. That one flower stood amongst hundreds of other iris plants with no blooms at all. To add to the miracle, Shelly said that particular plant had been in the ground at least four or five years and has never bloomed in September.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “Two Miracles (part II)”

I was very touched by the story and knew this was one of God’s many miracles that He still performs today. I wanted to photograph the iris and put the story on my blog. When I first photographed the flower, it had not opened yet. I came back another time and again it had not opened.

Today, September 20th, 2013, I noticed the iris had opened. I was so excited! Dew decorated its petals, and it was early in the morning, so the light was beautiful. I kept saying “It’s coming….it’s coming.” I knew the perfect light was coming, and I needed to be ready.
I had my camera and long lens mounted on a tripod and set my camera to have a two second delay after I clicked the shutter, so I wouldn’t cause any vibrations. After the camera captured the photograph, I would look on the back of the camera to see the photo I captured. I did this several times and used several different angles.

I realized the second miracle as I looked at the back of my camera. It had happened without any sound or warning. The miracle was the biggest blessing to me, and I started to cry! As I looked at the camera, I was in disbelief. Did I see what I thought I saw? Yes, I did…..it was a hummingbird feeding from the flower! Calculate that miracle with numbers: me setting up my camera on a tripod with a two second delay, me never seeing or hearing the hummingbird, and in those two seconds after I pressed the shutter release, a hummingbird slipped into the photo while I was photographing the first miracle!

I just sat there and cried. I did not feel worthy of capturing that photograph and said so out loud. The Lord knows hummingbirds are my favorite bird to photograph. I believe I can recall thinking how it would be neat if a hummingbird came by and it did.

In the search at the top of my blog, type in "two miracles" and it should take you to the page directly. A photo is also on my ALS profile page under my albums. It is titled "Two Miracles." Enjoy! More to come…..

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
In this thread: “Two Miracles (part III)”

A short time later Shelly walked up. He said the flower had bloomed the day before. I told him I had been crying, and then showed him the image on the back of my camera. To add to the miracle, he said he has never seen a hummingbird in the Iris garden! That doesn’t surprise me.

He said he was going to call Jason’s mom, and I told him to please give her my email. I want to print and mat the photo and give it to her.
Shelly walked away and the next thing I know, he was bringing a few workers to the Iris garden. I had met two of the workers before and showed them the image. Shelly had already told them the story of the hummingbird.

I wanted to learn a little about Jason. I found an article about the wreck and his page from the funeral home’s website. I cried as I read the sweet things friends and family wrote about him. I read about the great guy Shelly told me about. From what I read, he personally knew the Lord, so he is Heaven with Jesus experiencing an incredible life!

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn
 
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