Neil,
There is truly a God and a heaven. If I were in your shoes right now I know that I too would be doubting my faith as well. But, this is when you need God the most. I have lost my faith many times along the road and God has pulled me back close to him. Please cry out to him now. He will not abandon you. God has walked me through many trials throughout my life. He isn't going to leave you now. You can even tell God you are angry and scared right now. It's ok. He understands and will not leave you. I am praying for you Neil. Please don't give up on God because I assure you that he is preparing a place for you in heaven. But, it is still up for him to decide when that will be. When it does happen I will look at the next rarinbow that I see. I will know it will be a sign from you telling me "Kim, you were right. There is a God and I'm right here with him in paradise. Hugs, Kim