Ruby, I'm so sorry. Time is your friend, though it might not feel that way right now. Little bits at a time, you'll develop your new reality. I'm still working on mine, but it is happening. I saw a grief counsellor for a long time.. almost 2 years. Now I'm working on me (including trying to get over a severe phobia of doctors so I can get my hips fixed and get mobile again!) Be good to yourself and remember that it all happens in baby steps.
Hugs,
Katie