I changed my mind. I’ll move in this thread another six months, let it top out at the one year anniversary of Brian’s passing.
Today marks six months. Six months since that morning of sadness and great relief. I started to reply to a VSED thread last week, not yet... I will be all over those eventually or when I can but not just yet.
My hope for myself was to move through our story being able to say something I learned in Latin class in college; “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith”. Judging myself as. CALS, I think I succeeded there, mostly. It can only be mostly. I figured out that no mere mortal is fully equal to the task of being a CALS.
I’ve been three months from my old job now. I just started looking again. I went back to work two weeks after he passed (why?!), and just about six weeks after that was written up for a loud argument that involved no bad language or insubordination. My resignation came the next day, on Brian’s 69th birthday and I still gave them thirty days notice. The whole thing was weird. I felt a definite atmosphere of regret around the whole thing, which just further proved to me how dysfunctional the working relationships had become. In the end, it’s been for the best. It was time. I have worked for some tough competitors, we are not a particularly kind industry. I remain perplexed however at the raw lack of compassion shown in that situation, in an organization of “mission, vision and values”. I don’t believe anyone else I have worked with would have done that. It was another thing to recover from.
As part of my job seeking, I’m actually getting a pro redo of my years old resume. Resumes turn into Frankensteins over the years as you add positions and the styles become outdated too. I had one in person interview already but backed out because the position was one down from what I’d had and I’d like to stay where I was title wise (and that’s pretty do-able). This weeks applications were well received, two phone screens on three resumes sent with in persons likely in the next few weeks. I’m patient, working by March or so is my goal.
Two more trips this year, maybe more. One will be just two days in Northern MN, the other my post Thanksgiving week in Hawaii. Looking forward to it.
Yesterday I bagged up and donated six bags of Brian’s clothes and tomorrow I’m going on the ALS walk. It’ll just be me and my dog. I entered late and did not attempt to form a team but I think we’ll enjoy it.
Sunday, football brunch and next week more resume tinkering, healthy eating, and working on straightening out my house. Motivation is still tough some days, but I’m getting there.