azgirl
Senior member
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2014
- Messages
- 961
- Reason
- PALS
- Diagnosis
- 12/2013
- Country
- US
- State
- AZ
- City
- Tucson
sharing my feelings...
We have entered the hardest stage. It’s difficult to understand if you haven’t experienced the dying process up close and personal. I want to let go and fly free of all the pain and suffering. I want my family and dear friends to be set free from this nightmare and move forward.
But do I really? It’s a struggle to let go of loved ones and the plethora of experiences that have blessed my life with extreme joy and laughter. How can I let go of all this? I don’t want to go, but I have grown weary of a life spent sentenced to a bed and chair. Life in the “hole”, which I call spot I’m parked daily, is getting awfully old.
I am conflicted with my heart split between life and death. It is a fine line and I wonder if the arduous work to keep me alive is right for any of us. It would be so easy to quit trying, quiet my brain, let go, and let the forces pulling my body to the other side take over.
I feel as if I have control to a large extent on this final call and that gives me great comfort. But am I strong and brave enough to make this decision? The answer for that, at least for today is no. The conflict lives on inside me for another day. And I promise this day will not be wasted. It will be hard but we will do it.
-kay
We have entered the hardest stage. It’s difficult to understand if you haven’t experienced the dying process up close and personal. I want to let go and fly free of all the pain and suffering. I want my family and dear friends to be set free from this nightmare and move forward.
But do I really? It’s a struggle to let go of loved ones and the plethora of experiences that have blessed my life with extreme joy and laughter. How can I let go of all this? I don’t want to go, but I have grown weary of a life spent sentenced to a bed and chair. Life in the “hole”, which I call spot I’m parked daily, is getting awfully old.
I am conflicted with my heart split between life and death. It is a fine line and I wonder if the arduous work to keep me alive is right for any of us. It would be so easy to quit trying, quiet my brain, let go, and let the forces pulling my body to the other side take over.
I feel as if I have control to a large extent on this final call and that gives me great comfort. But am I strong and brave enough to make this decision? The answer for that, at least for today is no. The conflict lives on inside me for another day. And I promise this day will not be wasted. It will be hard but we will do it.
-kay