Pan, we are very much alike. Both have spouses that have a horrible disease and both are here on this site seeking answers. At first I was very resentful of the whole thing. Why me? Why poor pitiful me?. I was selfish and after 36 yrs. of marriage and my wife taking care of my needs I resented taking care of her. I guess if God was testing me, the first year I would have made a C. I have since accepted our condition now and after all the clothes she washed for me, the meals cooked for me, the home she cleaned for me, and the love she gave me, I needed to step up. Now I try to think of it as me in that bed. She is a quad since 2010 and has a great attitude. In fact people come to her to spill their probles and to have her pray for them. I do not know, and will not know why this happened to us until I see the Lord face to face, and then it really will not matter.It will be a very small thing. I do not know why I am writing you, but I felt led to. God bless you and your husband.