Recent content by Manhattanite

  1. M

    Steve's flying free

    I'm glad you had that beautiful final moment and it's important to think of it often during the process of grieving. I wish you lots of strength and peace.
  2. M

    My One Year

    My one year anniversary was last month. I actually decided to take that week off from work and spend it alone in Cape Cod, which was always a special place for us. I went to the beach at sunset on the very last day of this year of grief and sorrow. As I rode my bike taking in all the...
  3. M

    My sweet husband is gone.

    What a moving testimonial to your PALS. I am so sorry for your loss.
  4. M

    Angela- Billard's wife

    So sorry for your loss Billard. I was touched by reading about the special relationship you had with your wife. I wish you much strength during the coming period of grief.
  5. M


    I had a dream shortly after my PALS died that he was healthy and drinking a glass of water. In my dream I told him, "I knew it! I knew you would be cured and it happened!" I think it helped me to see him that way again. That said, I have also had subsequent dreams of him being sick, or...
  6. M

    Paul's Ferd

    I am so sorry. Nothing prepares you for this pain, nothing. I wish you much strength.
  7. M

    Where do I belong?

    I hear you loud and clear soonerwife. There is a certain type of loneliness that comes with being a widow/widower that I had never experienced and never thought could be possible. As horrible as the illness is, it is something you get to share in a very intimate way with your PALS. I find that...
  8. M

    my dad is tortured with saliva/mucus - need advice...

    Something that helped us to manage the excess saliva was a portable suction machine with a long wand that sucks all that extra stuff out of the mouth. It was provided by our respiratory therapist.
  9. M

    Now I've become Her Burden

    I am glad you are seeking help Staying Strong - hopefully the meds will get rid of the negative thoughts. One thing I have learned as a fellow survivor, is that we have to learn to compartmentalize the pain, otherwise it is impossible to go on living. You have to keep your life with Liz in a...
  10. M

    Woke Up - Air Hunger

    Thinking of you Pete and thankful for all your posts in this forum - many things you wrote in the past helped me when my PALS was here. Virtual hugs to you.
  11. M


    Well, I was mistaken to think grief was some sort of linear process. It is now February and several things have happened that have thrown me back into deep grief - and I was doing so well! It all started when I sat down to design my PALS' gravestone. It is something I had been postponing but...
  12. M

    Woke Up - Air Hunger

    Happy Birthday! Glad to hear things stabilized, that was quite a scare! I hope you are watching good things on TV!
  13. M


    I am glad you are feeling better ctollar. The tsunami waves of grief will become less frequent over time. I like how you interpret the chimes to mean that your dad has stopped by to say hello. I have similar thoughts related to my PALS that give me comfort. Hugs.
  14. M

    A Long, Slow Downhill Roll...

    Lenore in your writing I read the realization of how things are changing and the pain that comes with that, but also the ability to think on your feet and look for smart solutions. It shows how resilient you are!
  15. M

    Woke Up - Air Hunger

    Thinking of you Pete, you are our hero.