billsmith

Hi Bill! Deep thoughts. Heart felt thoughts. Sounds like weighty thoughts. I love thinking/feeling light most times. Everyone has their own burdens. I try and be patient without buying in to any drama. I try to lift people out of their self made depths. I try to nuture and lift up the ones that just find themselves there through no fault of their own. You're right when you or your friend say we are all God's kids. I try and follow the direction of "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all.".
Anyway Dear, I hope you're having a good day. It's a little breezy here as it often is. A nice quiet day. Tomorrow is the last day of tax season and I'm sure glad of that. It's been grueling.
I wish you peace, strength, happiness, good cheer! ; )

the least of theese is me and maybe you. It depends on how we want to look at it.
(inspired by tb carpenter)

I struggle to still answer when he calls just to tell me again and again the same old tales of woe. But I must ask myself don't we all suffer at our own hands. Are we not all at some level in self pity. How can I tell myself not to take the time for him, and I have told myself this. He is one of gods kids. In his experience he is suffering and asking for attention, compassion, love. Who am I to look down on him. My friend byron used to say and still does through others he has loved. Always error on the side of love. Please remain patient with those posting here that more than likely don't have ALS. They are suffering at some level or they would not be posting here. It is your patience and love that you will experience in the end. Someone in the know once said love the least of these......

I believe that someone could be suffering from many other things than ALS and find themselves taking the risk of posting here. I believe anyone who looses compassion for others because they hae not faced what we are, what ever we have convinced ourselves that we are suffering from, no matter how much scientific evidence we have that we are indeed suffering,... has lost touch with the goal of haviing somewhere to go if we need help. Please let us all remember, and don't hesitate to remind me later, that we can get off balance thinking that we have it worse than anyone else. One person I know in my life has created himself right into a wheel chair and bed, purely on a psychosomatic basis. Now I have a hard time taking his calls because he will not do anything for himself to get out of his self created misery.

Sequoia and anyone else that doesn't mind hearing an opinion of someone who has not walked a mile in your moccasins,

i had been long winded in writing a long winded post quoting my recently decease friend who had gone through more pain and suffering and spent his almost every moment helping others. I got carried away and then took a call on my cell phone and lost the post so count yourself lucky this will be much shorter.

If you don't like it just ignore it and count it up to someone who doesn't know and hasn't been through what you have been or are going through. I do not have a solid diagnosis and may or may not get one. I will point out that this is just an opinion, one that may not be agreed with, that is ok. I decided if I was going to post on this forum that I was not going to edit myself for anyones benefit if it could possibly be helpful for anyone to hear.
(continued next ...)

Thanks bill for your comment on my blog. I enjoying writing/journaling and sharing with others. I'm into yoga too, and Qigong. I grew up in the '60's an original "flower child". It's fun looking back and seeing what God has done in my life. God bless you.

Good morning Bill! It's nice to hear from you. We've got snow this morning. Wet and heavy and it has frosted everything. Beautiful and we sure do need it. That camping spot is on a mountain we can see from the road when we're just approaching our neighborhood. Not very far from our house. I'd tell you where it is but then I'd have to do away with you. LOL! Not really but it is a secret spot. You get there by going through Glen Haven. So did you go to CSU? It's a great school. We have many interns here from the business college there. Our owners went there too. The pictures of my family are in Michigan where I am originally from and you probably wouldn't recoginze that area. It's beautiful there too.
Yes, we are blessed and I feel fortunate for so very much. I'm trying not to miss anything. I'm not scared.
I hope you're having a good day Bill! I'll talk to you later.

Hi Bill! I really liked what you have to say about all this. And about life and spirituality. I feel about the same as you. Keep in touch!

Hello Bill. I have worked at A plastics Machine shop for over 30 years and about 15 or 20 years ago there was a Bill Smith working there. It is in North Long Beach.

14 end If I have learned one thing so far in life it is go for the gusto. I try to live my life one day at a time on life’s terms not mine. I will surely fail but my goal is to be an open book who demonstrates the power of grace in my life unconditionally. My life is god’s gift to me what i do with it is my gift to god. Thank you for allowing me a chance to express myself. Don’t think that I am not scared, confused, and uncertain. I am. But in this moment I am far more grateful that I am so lucky to be here with you. Thank you all for being here.
bill s

13 I like everything I have seen here. And even if I didn’t who cares. You all are wonderful. We are all Gods kids. Maybe we are just a little more awake than when we were in denial about longevity or whatever else we have chosen to be in denial about. I for one would rather experience life on life’s term than to be in denial. I have spent far too much of my life in that state. When I was on pain meds 4 months. It was denial. I have no problem taking those meds as described. I was physically addicted and went through some withdrawals to get off them. I was happy to go through a bit of withdraws to cling closer to the reality of life. Life is real and it feels more real sometimes than others.

12
Sorry, no I am not on drugs. I gave up drugs and alcohol over 23 years ago. OK, OK I admit it. I, besides being an overeater, I am an alcoholic, an addict, and I don't go to church on Sunday. But don't take that last one out of context. I believe, boy do I believe. I just lost my sponsor of 23 years to his own release from pain, March 23, 2011, Byron B. I get to attend his life celebration this coming weekend. He taught me that, as I have seen quoted already on this forum, it’s not what life hands me that is important, and it is what I do with it. If I find that I am qualified to be a member of this little family, I would be delighted, honored, grateful, and truly grateful to be a part it.

11 So back to my point I don't think I have had the muscle wasting that the doctor is perceiving at least not the degree he is thinking. Although I can't argue that there was not some from other than healthy dieting. I am sure I look like a pretty likely candidate for ALS. or WKW (who knows what). I am ok with whatever life brings me. I know that the only way not to have surprises is, not to be. So I don't mind so much, surprises that is. I still don't like not getting to know. I think that is why we created denial. It’s so we don't have to experience, not knowing. Actually I believe most of what I do know is made up to cover the fact that I don't. If you know what I mean. Wait a minute if you do know what I mean, it might mean you really don't. I have to admit there is a lot of uncertainty in the world. Since CNN and the internet we know so much more it’s terribly stressful. You have to know a lot more things to cover up what you don't know than you used to.

10 i was already overeating before those procedures and sitting in a couch for 4 months chewing on oxytocin and eating all day I got up to 253 pounds. OK so now you all know I am in a 12 step program for overeaters. I am telling you all this to explain that it was through great effort and way more grace that I was able to shed 88 pounds and get off cholesterol meds. As Roseanne Roseanna Dana you to say "if it’s not one thing its anudda". Well she was obviously right. Ok I am writing without editing myself because I have done too much of that earlier in my life. I don't want to offend anyone but I need to get some things off my chest.

p9 Point, I do not know if I have ALS. I have had all the tests last week. Blood Urine spinal fluids, emg/e whatever conduction test and muscle biopsy in shoulder and leg. They called today, blood tests were good. I chuckle thinking good blood test means nothing there to indicate it is not ALS. After more and more reading forums and medical publications. It breaks down to, originating in the legs, weakness, cramping, drop foot, fasciculations neck up, arms legs, butt/gut. Muscle weakness, looks like muscle wasting to my weight lifting doctor. I lost 88 pounds since last May. I did it on purpose; I had heart procedures, cardiac ablations. It took two of them to get my atrial fibrillations stopped. Catheters in both legs they hit a nerve causing severe pain requiring a nerve block in my left leg, only after being on oxytocin for months before they were convinced it was not going away anytime soon. Beat up after all that but glad my heart seemed cured of the fibrillations.