ThroughThatValley
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2017
- Messages
- 35
- Reason
- Learn about ALS
- Diagnosis
- 00/0000
- Country
- FR
- State
- FR
- City
- Paris
Dear all. I've been caught into a depression spiral lately. I'm quite stable symptomwise as for now but I'm taking a heavy beating mentally.
The most challenging moments are dusk and mornings just after waking up. There creep the worst thoughts of any day: anger, 'why me', mediations about my kids losing their father, about what's been lost and what will be lost on the road ahead, sometimes raw envy towards people walking around healthy and worryless, enjoying a life where death is not a daily and ugly face staring at you.
Well, I'm not as good a 'fighter' as so many of you good people are, but I call myself an 'adapter', I'm trying to adapt to the challenges. Right now, it's the very degraded mental state I'm trying to adapt to. I figured out some tricks and am willing to share them as to allievate some of the load during these wee hours of dawn and these shadowy moments of sunset when the brain goes haywire.
In these moments, casual distraction won't be enough. No Netflix, no Stephen King audiobook, no social network browsing, no research about ALS webwide (oh god of all things doable this would be the worst thing to do)...
What works for me:
A) Benzos. I save my benzo intake for these very moments (lexomil, seresta, urbanil... you name it). They help to relax and make it into the next phase of the day or night where the anxiety tones down naturally.
B) Documentaires about cosmology, quantum physics, etc. I'm going all Hawkin. These videos you can pick up on Youtube are a mindsaver for me. They engulf me into these big picture mysteries where my individual suffering is sized down to an epiphenomenom. I recommend them, plus it makes your brain work on items that are beyond mere mortality and disease.
C) Mindfulness, mediatation, trying to go the Bouddhist way aka: embracing the non permanent aspect of things, letting go of ego, self preservation, fear, love, attatchment...
D) 'Plugging into the hub'. Meaning thinking about all you brave and formidable PALS who go through that very same thing. Knowing, feeling, experiencing your are not alone. Loving you guys whatever you are, whoever you are, because in these moments we are the same.
E) Writing. I'm a writer. I have done it all my life and it makes the most sense just there, when I hit bedrock. Poetry, Journal, raw thoughts... I write. It turns the ailment into sense and sense helps.
That'll be all for today, my brothers. If you have suggestions that night help into that topic, feel free to add yours.
The most challenging moments are dusk and mornings just after waking up. There creep the worst thoughts of any day: anger, 'why me', mediations about my kids losing their father, about what's been lost and what will be lost on the road ahead, sometimes raw envy towards people walking around healthy and worryless, enjoying a life where death is not a daily and ugly face staring at you.
Well, I'm not as good a 'fighter' as so many of you good people are, but I call myself an 'adapter', I'm trying to adapt to the challenges. Right now, it's the very degraded mental state I'm trying to adapt to. I figured out some tricks and am willing to share them as to allievate some of the load during these wee hours of dawn and these shadowy moments of sunset when the brain goes haywire.
In these moments, casual distraction won't be enough. No Netflix, no Stephen King audiobook, no social network browsing, no research about ALS webwide (oh god of all things doable this would be the worst thing to do)...
What works for me:
A) Benzos. I save my benzo intake for these very moments (lexomil, seresta, urbanil... you name it). They help to relax and make it into the next phase of the day or night where the anxiety tones down naturally.
B) Documentaires about cosmology, quantum physics, etc. I'm going all Hawkin. These videos you can pick up on Youtube are a mindsaver for me. They engulf me into these big picture mysteries where my individual suffering is sized down to an epiphenomenom. I recommend them, plus it makes your brain work on items that are beyond mere mortality and disease.
C) Mindfulness, mediatation, trying to go the Bouddhist way aka: embracing the non permanent aspect of things, letting go of ego, self preservation, fear, love, attatchment...
D) 'Plugging into the hub'. Meaning thinking about all you brave and formidable PALS who go through that very same thing. Knowing, feeling, experiencing your are not alone. Loving you guys whatever you are, whoever you are, because in these moments we are the same.
E) Writing. I'm a writer. I have done it all my life and it makes the most sense just there, when I hit bedrock. Poetry, Journal, raw thoughts... I write. It turns the ailment into sense and sense helps.
That'll be all for today, my brothers. If you have suggestions that night help into that topic, feel free to add yours.