in memory of my husband

I lost my love of my life we were together 32 years when ALS was diagnosed we did a lot of research and I had to except so much. I sure cried a lot thinking there was nothing I could do to change what would be . But through all of this my husband fought this as long as he could to be with me . But watching a strong man 6'2 fade away and in the 3 years it took him down fast. I was not feeling well myself but had to be strong as I could for my husband . I feel so guilty sometimes because I was so tired took care of him 24/7. I lived alone with him so there was no help except when his sisters or my son would stop over . He was a man whom new he was going to die but worried about me how I was feeling and wanted to be put in a home for care. I told him even when there is times I was angry or tired and cranky with him I loved him and was not mad at him.... I would say I'm so sorry he at the last 7 months of his life lost speech completely . He could not even sit up right because his neck and back so many things were bothering him.......Suffered as I know many do with the bowel issues as well .. But through it all I would cry alone down in the den so he would not see. I was alone with him the day he was dying my heart pounding in my chest . I tried to get family members here called hospice . Truth was if I could step back instead of all the panic about me would have just held him for the last time in me arms ..... I was so afraid and even though I know he could no longer live this way and he is at rest . I hate myself for the times I was so tired and cranky . He always understood and never got mad at me gave me a smile that would light up the room ...... I truly miss him so much he was my everything in this world . I know no matter he is watching over my waiting for the day we will be together again. God bless my love and I will never forget and I pray for a cure for ALS for so many . miss you and love you always & forever