LOST Horizon

[GlenBrittle]

Glen steps out on the caboose landing , and lights up a smoke. With a practiced pufff , he blows a word in smoke "Wicked !".

He starts singing a tune, with a big grin on his face.

Raven hair and ruby lips
sparks fly from her finger tips
Echoed voices in the night
she's a restless spirit on an endless flight
wooo hooo witchy woman, see how
high she flies
woo hoo witchy woman she got
the moon in her eye
She held me spellbound in the night
dancing shadows and firelight
crazy laughter in another
room and she drove herself to madness
with a silver spoon
woo hoo witchy woman see how high she flies
woo hoo witchy woman she got the moon in her eye
Well I know you want a lover,
let me tell your brother, she's been sleeping
in the Devil's bed.
And there's some rumors going round
someone's underground
she can rock you in the nighttime
'til your skin turns red
woo hoo witchy woman
see how high she flies
woo hoo witchy woman
she got the moon in her eye

As he finishes the tune , an arm from inside the caboose reaches out and draws him in. The door to the caboose closes with the sign rocking back and forth.

PZ, Kim, Zaphoon who all seem to be running with the same stride agree with each other that if they can run faster than the other Pat of indeterminate gender , their freedom is assured.

[Zaphoon]

As they are jogging up the mountain, Pat falls behind, not being in the same, great physical shape as Kim, PZ and Zaphoon. Pat's momma put too many mashed potatoes on the plate and now it showed in Pat's waiste line (size 56).

Pat stopped to rest on a boulder and meditate. The aim was to get on the same wave length as the meditating Rhm Bo. If this could be accomplished, it might just be there was direction to be received from the mighty master himself.

Halfway up the mountain, PZ noticed that Pat was now far behind the trotting trio and mentioned so to the other two in his company.

"I knew Pat wouldn't be able to keep pace with us." stated Zaphoon.

PZ asked, "Did anyone else notice anything peculiar about Pat?"

"Yes!" replied Kim, "I sure did! Pat's deodorant wore off about 2 kilometers ago!"

Zaphoon chimed in, "I noticed that, too!"

"Aw, come on guys! You know that's not what I was referring to!" declared PZ.

Meanwhile, Pat (with body odor now in a funk) deep in meditation on the boulder was beginning to see "The Way" clearly while in the transendental trance. The only obstacle in the way was the path that must now be taken. Pat wished and longed for chocolate cake and more mashed potatoes.

Now nearing the top of the mountain, PZ, Zaphoon and Kim were just about ready to put their plan into effect.

Zaphoon felt around in his bag for the item now needed to progress with "The Plan". Suddenly, a black, dense fog started to envelop the three and a terror like none had ever known started to race through their minds, freezing them in their tracks.

Far below, Pat, on the boulder in deep meditation, started to undulate and twitch in a rhythm native to Twitchistan. These were no ordinary undulations and twitches! These were those that had been ordained by the master twitcher himself, Master Ikanfas Cicula! Pat could not stop and a nearby tooty monkey started to mimmick the undulating dance of twitches too.

Pat, in the moment, broke out in song (like the one from "Brigadoon").

What a day this has been!
What a rare mood I'm in!
Why, it's almost like being in love!

There's a smile on my face
For the whole human race
Why, it's almost like being in love!

All the music of life seems to be
Like a bell that is ringing for me!
And from the way that I feel
When that bell starts to peal
I would swear I was falling
I could swear I was falling
It's almost like being in love

The tooty monkey was stymied with it all!

Just then, far up on the mountain, a thunderous explosion boomed out!

[peter57]

Bugger me Barry G we have missed out again said Peter.
The Divine Rose has fallen for that Doktor character, just because he has some initials after his name. I wouldnt be suprised he got them from a Wheeties Packet.

Wait a minute Peter before we find a pub to drown our sorrows, who is that group of people running away from the train and up the mountain??

Why it looks like that group of snake oil salesmen PZ, Kim, Zaphoon with Pat behind them, boy do they run in unison replied Peter.

I bet they had somthing to do with the shooting, we should send Chico and Ernie off to head them off at the pass, when they turn around we will be waiting for them.

With the mention of their names Ernie stopped chewing on a roo tail Peter had brought on the trip and said you want us to do what.

Head them off at the pass replied Barry G and whats in it for us replied Chico.
Well if you do it replied Peter i will give you each a fresh pot of dinky die aussie stew i will whip up tonight. That will get you moving.

Its a deal they both replied and bounded off.

Be careful of that black fog at the top yelled Barry G to the fast departing dogs

Peter and Barry G headed off to lay in wait for their return with the 4.
When they too heard the noise

[GlenBrittle]

You see , the black fog was the protector of the valley , allowing only the people with open minds to pass.

The black fog having enveloped the trio of salesman began searching each for items not normally found in the natural environment. Collecting these items together was a mistake as they made for an explosive combination.

Zaphoon yelled at PZ - can you see anything in this mess?
PZ yelled no , Kim can you see anything ?
Kim replied no , and dug in his pockets for some matches . Let me strike a match to see what this is.

In unison Zaphoon & PZ yelled Nooooo , but it was too late.
The black fog exploded .

There lay the three , blackened by the explosion , in clothes so tattered that even Pat would not wear them, with a tremendous ringing in their ears. Sitting up , they went to smacking each other about , in a manner of the three stooges.

The black fog , dispersed by the blast slowly pulled itself together and headed back to the valley , its task completed.

[GlenBrittle]

Colleen opens the door to the caboose , feels the wind in her face. With a devilish grin , looks inside and thinks "That ... was ... Wicked".

Glen appears at the door , spies Nurse Rose with her bulging shirt and the Eye-Talian Stallion with his bulging pants coming towards them.

"We are going to start up the mountain , care to walk with us" asks Rose.
"We would be glad to" says Colleen, pulling her disheveled hair back.

"Rumor has it that the snake oil trio has gone ahead and we are wondering if they had something to do with the killing and the noise up ahead" mentions Wright.

The four begin their ascent to temple of the High Lama , Rhm Bo .

Rhm Bo feels the twitching of Pat down the mountain and expands his awareness to closer check out this person .

"Oh No , I feel that I am being tested by the gawds , surely this cant be the next in line , there must be one other on his way" Time for more meditation. Rhm Bo assumes another yoga position, Monkey Offering a Smell of Butt Scratching Fingers.

[BethU]

Up at the sacred cave, Rhm Bo heaved a great, contented sigh of relief. He had been trying to pass that black fog for a day, and now his digestion was back in tip-top shape. Whew!

Below he saw the snake oil salesmen, with the curiously symetrical strides, struggling to regain momentum. Below them, two yappy creatures were making fast progress. Rhm Bo's fur bristled. This was trouble. The snake oil salesmen could only be intent upon destroying the secret to twitch-free living, so that they could continue to rake in filthy profits from the gullible.

Time for reinforcements. He motioned to his devotees to bring up the army. This was going to be the Mother of All Cat Fights.

He assumed the yoga position: Cat Curled Up in a Sunbeam, to refresh his strength.

In his head, his favorite song lulled him into deep meditation:

He goes on the prowl each night
Like an alley cat
Looking for some new delight
Like an alley cat

She can't trust him out of sight
There's no doubt of that
He just don't know wrong from right
Like an alley cat

He meets them
And loves them
And leaves them
Like that "Catsanova" does

That's no way to treat a pal
She should tell him "Scat!"
Aren't you sorry for that gal
And her alley cat?

[rose]

Divine Rose grabbed onto the good doktor's hard as iron/steel/rock bulging bicep arm and drew him close to her. The Eye-talion Stallion smiled broadly, as he always liked having his arm warmed. Come closer, Rose insisted, I need to tell you something, and its for your ears only. Wright obligingly bent his head nearer to her, enjoying the fragrance that wafted up from her arm warmers. Whatever it is that you're wearing certainly smells much nicer than that Black Fog, he murmured into her ear.

But, Rose was not interested in making lovey-poo talk. Pay attention! she exclaimed. There is something very Wicked about Glen's aura, she said. I think he's hiding something. I sense he's running away from a life gone awry. He's not the only one either. There are some very suspicious characters among us. In fact, I'd bet that no one is who they portray themself to be. And, there are so very many of us, how will we all ever be allowed to enter into Notwitchopia?

[peter57]

On the way up the mountain Glen's group passes Barry and Peter lying in wait for the dogs to bring back the snake oil salesmen.

Rose, thinking she might need some more support if she is right about all is not as it seems with Glen calls out to them and invites them along on the trip.

Barry who is getting tired of waiting for the dogs return, jumps up and agrees, Peter however is a bit reluncant but a wink and an undulate from Rose is enough to convince him to join the group.

This will speed things up so we can catch up with PZ and co sooner, and it will also will give us 6 against the 4 of them.

So off they head, up the mountain into the unknown

Mean while Rhm Bo is looking a bit worried, what more of them he mutters to himself, this is really going to one hell of a fight

[GlenBrittle]

Glen starts to feel different the closer they get. A weight is being lifted.
It feels different to be so happy - there is something more to the chance acquaintance.

Glen starts to hum a tune and sends a wicked smile to Colleen

Every night I’m lyin’ in bed
Holdin’ you close in my dreams
Thinkin’ about all the things that we said
And comin’ apart at the seams
We try to talk it over
But the words come out too rough
I know you were tryin’
To give me the best of your love
Beautiful faces and loud, empty places
Look at the way that we live
Wastin’ our time on cheap talk and wine
Left us so little to give
That same old crowd
Was like a cold dark cloud
That we could never rise above
But here in my heart I give you the best of my love
Oh sweet darlin’ you get the best of my love
oh Sweet darlin’ you get the best of my love
I’m goin’ back in time
And it’s a sweet dream
It was a quiet night
And I would be all right
If I could go on sleepin’
But every mornin’ I wake up and worry
What’s gonna happen today
You see it your way
And I see it mine
But we both see it slippin’ away
You know we always had each other baby
I guess that wasn’t enough
Oh, but here in my heart
I give you the best of my love
Oh, sweet darlin’ You get the best of my love
Oh, sweet darlin’ You get the best of my love
Every night and day,You get the best of my love
Oh, sweet darlin’ you get the best of my love
Oh, sweet darlin’ you get the best of my love

[BethU]

On the mountain peak, Rhm Bo's army prepares for The Mother of All Cat Fights. The feline warriers pour from the sacred cave, and begin sharpening their gigantic claws on the defenseless pine trees, gnawing their fangs to lethal points on the mouse bones that litter the path. The males spray the trees with Eau de Tomcat and emit clouds of black fog to confuse the pups still clambering up the hill behind PZ, Kim, Zaphoon, Rose, Glen, Colleen, Barry and Peter ...

Rhm Bo peers at the throng headed toward the cave for the Final Showdown. "Jeeze, even that old lady with the tissue in her mouth is puffing up the mountain," he notes.

He joins the warriers, who are chanting their fight song as they prepare.

Oooooooh
Black and orange stray cat, sittin' on a fence
Ain't got enough dough to pay the rent
I'm flat broke but I don't care
I strut right by with my tail in the air.

Stray cat strut I'm a ladies cat
I'm a feline Casanova, hey man that's that.
Get a shoe thrown at me from a mean old man
Get my dinner from a garbage can.

Rhm Bo speaks the next line:
Meow. Yeah, don't cross my path !

I don't bother chasing mice around.
I slink down the alley lookin' for a fight.
Howlin' to the moonlight on a hot summer night.
Singin' the blues while the lady cats cry,
"Wild stray cat , you're a real gone guy."
I wish I could be as carefree and wild ...

Rhm Bo speaks the final line,
But I got cat class and I got cat style !!

The warrier cheers, their fur bristles, they are ready for action.

BRING IT ON !!

[Zaphoon]

There was a wind that was drifting down from the mountain and it brought with it, the aroma of freshly barbequed tooty monkey. It was coming from the area where Pat was last known to have been. What a wonderful, aromatic pleasure to the folks down below. They had never experienced anything like this sweet treat to the nostrils!

Meanwhile, at a nearby boulder, Pat had come out of the transcendental, meditative trance that had connected this person of questionable gender telepathically with Rhm Bo and was absolutely famished! With Pat's vision still a bit blurry, one gaze at the tooty monkey with his chococlate brown fluffy covering of fur (toots was still in Pat's company) brought a desire for food to the forefront of the mind. There was only thing Pat could do!
Pat had to sing this song as the barbeque went on.

When the summer sun is shining on Twitchistand's happy land -

Round countless fires, in strange attire in many solemn bands -

Of glum Twitchistanians watching as my lunch goes up in flames -

By the smoke & the smell you can plainly tell -

It's barby time again!

(Contributing writer's note: Sorry for the tooty monkey winding up as he did but the past few days have caught up with me and I had to take it out on somebody. Cheese!!)

(2nd addendum - contributing writers note: In case anyone was wondering, the tooty monkey is indiginous to Twitchistan only. For further details on this creature, don't try googling it as it probably only exists in this thread.)

[GlenBrittle]

As is the way with Murphy , any place that doesn't have a loo is a place that needs one.

Glen walked away from the group to leave his mark on the territory. While shaking the dew from the lily , he spies a plant that looks sort of familiar.

He walks over to it , and the leaves are similar , but it has a different smell. How wicked is it to find this growing wild. Glen grabs the stalk at the middle and runs his hand to the top , gathering leaves and buds in his hand. Twisting and folding it into a ball , he stuffs it into a breast pocket thinking HA! , it would not fit in Roses pockets - evil grin .

Hurrying to catch up to Colleen , Rose & Wright , he notices that Barry & Peter have almost caught up to the three snake oilers - Zaphoon, PZ and Kim.

At that moment , the landscape erupted with fur and a sound of a thousand cats being stepped on. The first focus of this tremendous hairball was Zaph, PZ and Kim. They were covered in fur , yelling and screaming which quickly died down as they were forced to the ground.

More cats approached Barry and Peter who froze in their tracks hands out in front of them, which caused a standoff for the moment.

Even more of the hairball hellions circled around and were stalking Colleen , Rose , Wright and Glen. Glen stepped up front as a cat from the pack jumped. Catching it in his hands , he held it away and said "Helllllooo Kitty - aren't you the wicked little thing" . Then a funny thing happened , the cat started purring and trying to head butt Glen,s shirt pocket.

Wright , being the intellectual Stallion he is , asked Glen what is in that pocket. Glen pulled out the herb ball he had collected.
"Wicked , these cats like pot" Glen said .
"Thats not pot , its catnip" claims Wright. "Everyone , rub some on your hands".

[peter57]

As they all scramble off the track to find some catnip, Glen is looking down hearted, seeing his chance to make a quick buck with the pot go up in smoke so to speak.

After a quick rub with the catnip all the cats calmed down and were purring around their feet.

What about Zaphoon, PZ and Kim, shouldnt we do somthing for them cried Rose, look at them all covered in cats, you can hardly see their faces.

No worries said Wright as he pulled his super soaker from his trousers, quickly fill the tank with catnip juice and i will give them a squirt, that should get the cats off them.

He fired at the riggling mass on the ground not only getting Zaphoon, PZ and Kim but also many of the cats.

As the cats started to leave the trio, a strange thing starts to happen, the cats who were squirted with catnip started to undulate and pair up and head into the surrounding trees.

What on earth is going on here said Colleen, well i guess cats are doing what cats do replied Glen. It might be somthing we can use in the future so lets fill Wrights super soaker back up and carry on.


Meanwhile Rhm Bo is livid, they have found his secret in establishing his army of feline fur balls. He knows that those that got covered in catnip will be out of action for 6 hours.
Time for plan B.

[BethU]

Ahhh ... too late. The sun is sinking behind the tallest peaks, and the village and its secrets will again disappear for a century. The anti-twitching secret has been saved from the snake oilers (and unfortunately, also from the twitchers) for another 100 years, or a scientific breakthrough, whichever comes first.

Rhm Bo brings out Plan B.

"Let's all gather round and sing a grand finale to LOST Horizons -- the Musical! What will it be? Did the Eagles cover such a situation? Kim, PZ, Zaphoon ... you're musicians, poets and a one-man band. What chorus will bring the curtain down?"

A rim-shot rings out as Rhm Bo turns, stretches deeply, tail in the air. and executes the yoga position, Cat Mooning the Crowd.

[Zaphoon]

As one possibility to the close of this episode:

Rose and Colleen decide to close it out as a duet singing,

"The Twitching Song"

got a boyfriend. he's a bad boy.
he is my favorite. he is my joy.
i got a boyfriend. "danger boy!"
he's got a girlfriend. she is my toy!

sometimes he'll twitch for no reason,
it's just a twitch, and it's part of his style.
he tells me i'm his one and only
i'm the only one making him smile.

sometimes he'll twitch for no reason,
it's just a twitch, and it's part of his style
when he's feeling sad and lonely
i'm the only one driving him wild.

he really likes me. he likes my mom.
he buys me ice cream. he likes my song.
he's got a nice car. i buy his gas.
but in the back seat, he moves too fast!

sometimes he'll twitch for no reason,
it's just a twitch, and it's part of his style.
he tells me i'm his one and only
i'm the only one making him smile.

(my boyfriend's back and you're gonna get in trouble!)

sometimes he'll twitch for no reason,
it's just a twitch, and it's part of his style
when he's feeling sad and lonely
i'm the only one driving him wild.