Status
Not open for further replies.

dwmiresii

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2011
Messages
4
Reason
Loved one DX
Country
US
State
MA
City
Berkley
My Father In Law whom I do consider a close friend over the last 4 years that I have known him. Is one of the strongest, Loving, Caring people I have ever known... Today my wife and I got the news we were dreading. As of tomorrow they will be trying to put him back on his Bi-pap (If i spelled it wrong sorry). If that does not work then unfortunately they said they would have to put him on morphine and slow let him you know what.... This is one of the hardest challenges I have ever had to deal with. I have Watched my Uncle die in front of me from Lung Cancer, My Grandmother die from Breast Cancer, My dad pass away from stubbornness (He did not listen to anyone), My Aunt from Influenza and the sudden death of my cousin from over weight health issues.....

I am trying to be the rock my wife needs and today was the 1st time I broke down. I had to walk out of his room cause I started to cry.... He has lived a good life, long and full. The last 2 years she has been a great daughter and friend to her dad, not missing one Dr appointment to be with him and she herself went through gastric bypass and one of the biggest things I heard him say to her a week ago is, "You do not know how happy I am to see you loosing the weight you have always wanted to and have a caring husband that would do anything for you." Today after she left the room to make a few phone calls, he looked at me while I was holding his hand and he had the look of take care of her..... I said to him "Ray do not worry, She is in good hands and I will always take care of her" I had to walk out cause I started to cry......

Her boss has been sooo understanding of this.

This song makes me think of people in my life that has pasted on to a better place....

God Only Knows By Orianthi

I feel so alone, can't seem to find my out of this lone?
No, it don't seem right
I didn't have a chance to say goodbye.

In this this silent space, I close my eyes I can hear you say
That it's alright, but my world's such an empty place tonight.
Cause I know that, it's all part of life.

I wish I had the chance to say goodbye, yeah I still miss you.
So hard to see through the tears I've cried.
Yeah, I still need you.
Cause I don't want to, if I don't have to ever let you go.
The longest I'll hold on... God only knows.

As the time goes by, it gets a little easier to smile.
I know I'll never forget everything that you said.
You said it's alright, it's all part of life.

I wish I had the chance to say goodbye, yeah I still miss you.

So hard to see through the tears I've cried.
Yeah, I still need you.
Cause I don't want to, if I don't have to ever let you go.
The longest I'll hold on... God only knows.

{The hard times} will never fade if you keep looking up
Right around there is a better place if you believe in love.
Cause I know that, it's all part of life.

I wish I had the chance to say goodbye, yeah I still miss you.
So hard to see through the tears I've cried.
Yeah, I still need you.
Cause I don't want to, if I don't have to ever let you go.
The longest I'll hold on, the longest I'll hold on.
The longest I'll hold on... God only knows.
God only knows.
Ya, God only knows.
God only knows.

If anyone has advice on how to stay strong for my wife it would be greatly apreaciated.
 
I am so sorry about your FIL, you sound like a very caring person, I am sure you have been a blessing to him and your wife.:)
 
Be there for her--whether it's to talk with her, or to let her cry. The fact you've posted here tells me that you love her and her father. I'm sure that love shows and supports her each and every day.

Remind her to spend all the quality time with her dad that she can while she can. A bi-pap will make breathing more comfortable for him--but should he choose to not use it, the morphine will assure that he is kept very comfortable.

I know no one likes to think about death and dying--it's heartbreaking. Keep doing what you've been doing. Sounds like you're doing the right thing!

Take care and know people here will help and answer any questions you might have.
 
You're a good man. You and your family and wife's father are in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, let us know if you need anything.
 
dwmiresii,

Mercy me, your first post is a real deep thought. Don't think of saying good-bye, think of see
you later. Certainly that is a Christian perspective, however, we are all terminal. I have a harder
time seeing the suffering than I do the passing. Words are the hardest thing to find. The ones
that mean the most come from the deepest love and love being a verb always reminds us
of the memories.

To not greave just wouldn't be normal. Why is being normal a hard thing. Because it is
personal. People die every single minute of every day. Does that break our hearts. If
we take it personal it does. But, there are no memories to associate with the loss of
the others we don't know.

People need three things. Something to do, someone to love, and something to hope
for. This person has been involved with all of these. So, I would be more concerned if
you didn't hurt. If you didn't have a void in your heart.

Time to heal is also normal. Some take longer than others. Spend your time being thankful.
There is a Chinese proverb. "Believe what is, not what you think." Focus on truth, that will
bring acceptance, acceptance will bring the healing.

Thanks for your transparency.

Jim
 
I just want to say thank you for all the kind words.....
 
So sorry for you, your wife, your father-in-law and all the losses you have to grieve.
 
Beautiful prayer-song ! We all feel your pain friend, and lift you and your family up in prayer. Someone once told me that the degree that we feel pain at the loss of someone is the degree we loved them....this helped me embrace my pain as something good and noble...though it did not make the pain go away. Blessings to you!
 
Here it is the possible worse day for my wife... They have father in law really comfortable. He is in bi-pap mode on a ventilated... They are waiting for all the family to arrive before they try and remove the breathing tube and put him on a real bi-pap... Sad part is I have to DJ a Sweet 16 tonight so I may never what happens till I get a call.....:( we were told it is possible for him to lsst a few mins or even weeks..... I am trying to be as strong as I can.....
 
Courage dwmiresii....we are praying for you. God will hold you up. I am glad to hear that he is comfortable. God bless you and your wife and family.
 
Let us think of Alice in Wonderland. There is a line from which she is quoted as standing at
a cross roads. She doesn't know which way to go. She looks up in the tree and see's the
Cheshire Cat. Chessie, which way shall I go? The cat says, that depends Alice on where
you are going? Alice says, I don't really know. The cat grins and says, "Well then, it
really doesn't matter then, now does it? Knowing is part of the battle.

Don't think I am making light of your situation, it is in the valley's that we learn from life.
The Mountain tops are for the success's of our lives. The ability to overcome, really
overcome, is maturity.

Don't think for a second that means ignorance. We are aware, but how we respond
to these problems when the winds of adversity blow, and they will blow, lets us
know how deep are roots really are.

Tonia Tucker sings a song. "There's a tree out in the back yard, that never has been
broken by the wind. Our love will last forever, if we are strong enough to bend.

Find the balance in your sorrow. With a bird in your hands, holding it to loosely
will allow it to fly away, holding it to tightly will cause it to die.
You cannot control the birds flying over your head, but you can keep them from
building a nest in your hair.

Never take the path of least resistance. It will make both you and rivers
crooked. Have you ever use a hand saw. The principle is, if you start out straight,
you will end up straight.

How does all this help? An India proverb; "When ever you are bumped, what ever
you are full of will spill out." Be filled with strong beliefs. Know that sunshine is
always there, it is just that clouds get in the way sometimes.
God's mercies are new every morning. I believe that, sometimes with tears in
my eyes.

Blessings brother.

Jim
 
Update

My Father In Law has one strong will to live..... Sunday they took the breathing tube out around 3pm or so, it is now 1:24AM on Tuesday it is over the 35 Hour mark that he was put back on his Bipap. This morning his nurse washed him up and brushed his teeth and took him off of the bipap for 10 mins or so and he was breathing fine. As of Yesterday at 11am they said he could go home:razz: Yah! Best news we have had for a while..... By this afternoon at some point he will be at home resting with his family and friends.... We have hospice coming in to help us out....

Everyone around me has been sooo supportive. My Mom, My Priest, My Knights Of Columbus at my church even plan on sending him a mass card... My Priest even told me that he would take care of the serve end of things no questions asked..... One of the best gifts' I Could have ever asked for.....

I made a list while I was at the Hospital today of my Favorite songs that help through troubled times:

5) Avenged Sevenfold - Nightmare
4) Dream Theater - Pull Me Under
3) Iron Maiden - Dream Of Mirrors
2) Nightwish - Medows Of Heaven
1) Orianthi - God Only Knows

Hope you guys and gals enjoy them.....
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top