Double whammy my spirit is low

[Raydavis]

First of all, I believe the Gospel. This note probably will seem confusing because of the emotions in my heart and head are spinning. I don't want to talk to anyone I know because I am not in the position to talk to anyone at all: I have BALBAR ALS. My speech is gone and my arms are going. They told me a half a year or one year and here i am 2.5 years. Well,, a little more than a year ago my wife was diagnosed cancer on the pancreas. They told her 50-50 chance and she had her surgery around Christmas and she stayed with her daughter for 3.5 months because she needed more care than I can give her. I am in Hospice care. She went to Houston for her tests and visit. They give her less than 1 year. My emotions are so scrambled. We have been married 16 years and most of those years I have been away some reason. I was a Owner Operator of a Semi-truck and our maintance on the truck were big and an I tried some foolish home based businesses. How it is looking now with both of us needing caregivers we will not be together for the rest of our lives. She will go to one of her daughters and I will be in a hospice home. My Spirit needs to be above the circumstances but I believed she would be fine because of their reports. I'm hurting right now. I have never wronged her in anyway but I feel so guilty, not being there for her. It hurts so much. Thanks for listening. In Him Ray

 

[twinmommie72]

Hugs to you Ray. I've often wondered after my diagnosis how God could allow such things to happen. I've had plenty of time to get into his promise and realized he hasn't done this at all. He does all things for the good although we can't see the end result. If he brings us to it, he will certainly get us through it. I know as a loving husband you want to take care of her, just as she wants to do the same for you. What a gift of love you've been blessed with. She knows there's no place you'd rather be. I hurt for you. I know after she gets better she will be right by your side. I know this is so hard...Please keep the faith and your face to the sunshine. You aren't alone...

Hugs xoxo

 

[Ms. Pie]

Wow, you have a rough row to hoe here Dear. I'm so sorry you've got so many difficult things to ponder, experience, live with. You are in my prayers. Try not to feel guilty. There's not really much you can do. xoxo!

 

[soonerd]

Hello there brother I hope this helps. It took a while for my diagnosis to hit me but I soon turned to prayer. There is stemcell trials riight now that is making patients with als stronger. Standing for something really stands for something. If you have nothing left to give but hope or posativity it is plenty for most. You see tomorrow you wake up knowing you still alot to offer.

 

[abbas child]

Ray, my prayers are with you. There is a Christian thread you might find help in--

https://www.alsforums.com/forum/other/15429-christians-here-support.html

Meanwhile, as others have said, you cannot help this separation, which does sound very difficult. Praying!
Ann

 

[olly]

dear ray,i am so sorry to hear about you and your wife it is indeed a terrible thing to happen.
is there anyway you could stay together? could you not get home help?
your situation reminded me of bethu who had bulbar als and her husband parkinsons,with home help they did stay together in there home till beth passed away.
i pray you can find a way to stay together.

 

[concernedmom]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles Ray. I too hope you can find a way to get home care so you can be together. I am so happy nonetheless for the love you share and try not to feel guilty because there really is nothing you can do at this time but to let her know that you love her and that in prayer and in spirit you are with her in her. Keep the faith and know that God has plans for us.

 

[Magpuff]

We all have had to give up so many things and it makes us so sad and helpless. You have a particularly hard situation to deal with.

My husband (God bless him) says for me to remember all the happy times we had and not dwell on the losses. He also says it is okay for me to cry but only for two minutes.

I pray there will be some way you two can be together and you each will find peace in your journeys. Much love and prayers to you both.

 

[notme]

My prayers are with you both. It's awful to have two diseases strike! Is there perhaps a chance of finding an assisted living facility where you could both be together?

Neither of you should have to be alone

 

[Raydavis]

Thank you so much everybody. It is good that someone can take time and listen. I am no way like Job but I can relate. I know her time is far from up but I BELIEVED she would come out of these 12 months healed and now I will continue to believe in HIM. Thank u for responding. With God's love

 

[rcharlton]

Heartbreaking story Ray.

I was going to suggest that each of you set up a computer and run skype video conferencing 24/7 so you could at least have the feeling of sharing space - but that might be even more heart wrenching.

I'm so sorry for your situation. You sound like a man who believes in miracles - here's hoping you get yours.

 

[Sequoia]

Dear Ray, when it seems like everything is dark, and there is no hope, light the fire of love in your heart....remember that the pain you feel about your wife's ilness and the things you may regret, that apin is the measure of your real love for her...and that is all that matters. Tell her hwo much you love her, write if you still can, or have a friend dictate a letter for you, send her flowers, do a video chat...express how much you love her NOW. For now is all we really have...do not waste a single moment of now regretting the past or fearing the future. Nothing can keep you from loving your wife now. When we love someone deeply, and we know we may loose them, that pain is the equation of how much we really do love the. And Love is eternal.

When I watched this video song I cried like a baby, and I do not have a husband, but I have Jesus, and the good friends who stand by me thru these tough times, especially this forum family...you are loved, you are good, Jesus has taken away whatever bad there is in you. Don't hold onto that stuff...let it all go. We love you and are praying for and with you.

 

[KissJ]

So Sorry Ray! You and your wife will be in my prayers! Have you been in contact with the ALS Association? They have been so wonderful with us I can't help but think they would find a way for you and your wife to be together. We have a social worker through them and she would do anything to find and answer, a way, etc...
God Bless you Both!

 

[notgivnup]

Dear Ray,
My heartfelt prayers go out for you, your wife and family. May the Father wrap you all in His loving arms and fill you with strenght, comfort and vision. We are all here for you and praying for you. ((Hugs))

 

[Gentleman Jim]

Ray, Your story breaks our hearts. There is not much I could say that would ease any thing towards
that heart ache. So I want you to listen to one of the most popular songs in England last year.

I think you will smile. Let me know what you think. The name of the song is; "I started out
with nothing and I still got most of it left."

YouTube - ‪seasick steve i started out whit nothing.....‬‏

I hope it makes you smile.

God Bless, you have my prayers

Jim