CAL becoming increasingly abusive

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celticgirl

Active member
Joined
Mar 3, 2013
Messages
91
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
09/2012
Country
UK
State
Lanarkshire
City
Glasgow
He has been getting worse over the past year, refuses me stand aid and if he cant position my bipap mask says I dont need it, swears and loses his temper, worse when drinking.
 
Oh Anne, this is terrible. You are as you say being abused. Somehow you need to get out of this situation. It sounds terribly dangerous. This is not a paid carer ,correct? He may be overwhelmed and drinking more because of it but no excuse. What resources do you have to protect you? Adult friends and relatives who can be with you if you decide to take official action? Here we have something called adult protective services, you must have something similar but there could be a point where they are investigating but you are still dependent.
If you think things could be salvaged talk to your case worker, social worker to see if they can intervene under the guise of helping him. Counseling respite etc
I am so sorry
 
>Oh Anne, this is terrible

Ditto that! contact social services, clergy -- this is a family disease and effects everyone differently.
 
Thanks Nikki, he is also my partner, he says he's frustrated but I'm not the one he should take it out on. I visited hospice yesterday and they offer counselling among lots of other great services so I will talk to them about it and hopefully it will be resolved as they can speak to him also. How are things with you Nikki? Love and hugs, Anne xx
 
Thank you Max, will be speaking to a counsellor when I'm accepted into hospice services and hopefully get it resolved, Anne xx
 
>will be speaking to a counsellor when I'm accepted into hospice services

I really wouldn't wait ... this is a big hit for everyone CALS especially. See if you can gett him/her to join here and interact with our CALS team (the best, so I can't name 'em all :))
 
Hi Celticgirl, Please try to get your cals on the forum. We can offer him support, suggestions, a place to vent, or just an ear to listen. Through some very difficult times on our path, the group on here has been able to help me because they live it and understand the challenges. I may never meet anyone from this forum but they will be what gets me through this journey. Its hard for everyone involved in different ways. This forum can give your cals perspective. It is so important for him. If he is overwhelmed is there someone else who can provide care for you so you are safe? Thinking of you and sending a hug.
 
Thank you gooseberry for your reply, I have suggested many times he should join this forum, he says he will but then does nothing about it. Hopefully hospice services will do the trick. I have my daughter nearby to help with my care, Anne xx
 
I think you need to make Hospice or some protective agency about your situation immediately! Don't wait. You will need other caregivers other then him to take care of you. He can't assist but it sounds like he is losing control and if he becomes worse when drinking you are in a dangerous situation. You wouldn't have brought it up to us if you weren't scared. Have you told you daughter about his behaviour? You need protection now. Believe me I've lived a eventful life and I know a serious situation when I see it. I'm not just blowing out alot of hot air. Talk to clergy or anybody that can help. Do I blame him? Absolutlely, not! This disease really takes a toll on everyone.
 
this is terrible :( sorry to hear your harsh moment atm, if only there is something i can do, i'll help :(
 
Anne, the alcohol situation has to be addressed by knowledgeable people quickly. For many people, alcohol inhibits their understanding and patience. It can inhibit PATIENCE most of all and patience is the KEY to being a true caregiver. You must tell close ones other than your partner or nobody knows. Close ones need to know so that they can respond quickly in a bad situation (should one arise)... so that they are not taken by surprise by the situation.
Them knowing is knowing how to help and why. Unfortunately... this is something you can't be patient about. Prayers go out to you girl.
 
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