What a brat!

[ruthiep]

No matter how much I love her.....my 24 year old daughter (who lives with us) is a prime example of why animals in the wild "eat their young"! OMG, could she please just take a step back and realize that the world really doesn't revolve around her! Let's forget about the fact that her Dad is dealing with this damn beast of a disease and we're all trying to ADJUST...but do I really need her attitude to boot! The child better get things in order quick like..... I'm irritated and ready to adjust her 'tude in the redneck Southern sort of way! Okay, vent is over! Hugs and prayers to all!

Ruth

 

[odiva]

Great venting, Ruth. I am learning how this delightful disease affects people. I hope your daughter "grows up" soon.

 

[notgivnup]

I also liked your vent!...You are so good at it . I am afraid I would not be so kind. There is a thing called tough love...24 still at home with Attitude = bags packed and outside to me!...wow I sound so mean but lets face it you certainly have enough on your plate you do not have to deal with that too.
For me it was My house My rules or I show you the front door. They then embraced my rules as it was better than the option of door #2...LOL ... Give her a Reality Check UP.
{{HUGS}}

 

[kmendsley]

Hey Ruth,
Now this may sound mean..but might help her.

Have her read this or you can write it out and give it to her if you don't want her to read rest of thread:

Ruth's daughter....you are 24 and think the world is yours. You think this is your time to grow and learn and travel and do whatever....yes for many people it is . But you need to realize, that some people dream of doing this...and they are not older or younger....

Example...Sweetheart......I am 24...and I have ALS.

Will I be here in 5 years to think about marriage, traveling,...no probably not. Do I do those things now...no. I spend my spare time at physical therapy, neuro appointments and my most happy moment this week is when my referral went through to get a walker. Yes, I am happy to get a walker because it will make me more mobile....and 'normal'. Can you imagine this? Well, please do now...because I live it. Be humble dear, there are so many who aren't. Most of all....love your dad while he is still here... take care.

 

[Toto's Dorothy]

Ruthie, is this your daughter also or a step~daughter?

 

[tammyg]

I hear ya. My daughter 19 is the same way. They expect you to do everything with their hand out, but when you need help they cannot be bothered . They don't know how to say thank you, or do you need me to do something for YOU?She is in college, just graduated, she knows me and my husband both work 2 jobs paying for it, and paying off Special Ed for my son.Not to mention keeping upon chores and laundry ect.. Do you think she would wash a dish, or a pair of underwear to put on her lazy ass. Well, right now I got the "I don't care attitude" wear dirty underwear if you can't wash any then We had 3 deaths in our family from friday to sunday. She knows we are all running around like chix with our heads cut off and working. God I wish I had mothers "LOOK". The LOOK she would send that would almost make me Pee myself....
Thanks I feel better too now. AAAHHHHHH

 

[CGAR]

Can`t you marry her off.
Tell her you have arranged a marriage between her and some tribal leader in Yurkuts.

If that doesn`t work, I`m all out of ideas.

Good luck.

 

[asantiago]

Ruth,
Sounds like today you make the decision to be strong and let her start taking care of herself. Does she contribute financially? Does she help around the house? 24 is way too old to be living at home imo unless she is there to HELP. If she is not contributing I would encourage you to sit down and put on paper the rules going forward. She WILL contribute X dollars for bills. She will do X, Y, Z chores daily and ABC weekly. If she doesn't like it she moves out.

She is of the perfect age to be a tremendous help to you, if she does not already have a career, husband, family, which are the things that typically stand in the way of being able to help when a parent has ALS. I was 31 when my mom was diagnosed and had all those things which I still overcame in order to provide 24 x 7 care for her. Now I know 31 is a lot older than 24 but I guarantee you I would have done it at 24 but it would have been a whole lot easier.

Maybe setting boundaries and putting some rules in writing will be a good start. The hard part will be sticking to them.

I hope it gets better, and I hope your daughter can gain some perspective and self awareness for her own sake and your family's.

And if that doesn't work? Go with your instinct, EAT HER!

 

[ruthiep]

Thanks for all the great replies. She's actually my daughter and not a step-daughter. I agree with all, 24 is way too old to be living at home! In our case however, we have been helping (doing the majority) of raising our 4-year old grandson (her child) since he was born while she was in school, etc. I think in all honesty alot of the issues we're having are just all-out "power struggles"! In my particular case, there can only be ONE Queen of the household and it's ME!

My oldest daughter is probably correct when she said that the only way her sister and I are gonna get along is when she moves out of the house! I love my youngest to death....but I have to agree! Hopefully, the very promising job opportunity she's applied for will pan out and allow her to realistically exploring the MOVE OUT option (when will promptly result in me getting back on the forum crying because my "baby" is moving out again! If something doesn't change soon, I definitely gonna look into CGBAR's suggestion.....arranged marriage to the tribal leader of Yurkuts! Haha....thanks ya'll and have a good day!

Ruth

 

[joni51]

That is a big problem with most kids..even adult kids, they don't get it until it is too late..I SAID MOST people, their are some exceptions. But generally they are all about them, and how it benefits them.

 

[lpcarr]

Our daughter is 34, works full time and still lives with us. Should she have moved out long ago? Yes, but maybe God has left her here for a reason. She is big help to me. I cook,
she cleans it up. I clean the downstairs, she cleans the upstairs. when her Dad has fallen, without her help, I would not have been able to get him up alone. I am able to help my own father some evenings because our daughter stays with her dad to give him trial infusions and all kinds of things. I don't know how long your daughter has dealt with the ALS monster as far as her Dad goes, but keep encouraging her. I pray she will come around and be blessed by each quality day she has with her Dad. Maybe your husband can ask for her help on certain things, but rest assured you are right to call her out when her selfish head rears up. All the best to you....Keep us posted....Pam

 

[penny1]

Ruth, from someone who cared for her husband from beginning to end, you will not have time to deal with your daughter, you will not have time to raise your grandson, you will not have time to wash your hair twice in the shower. You will make time to do all of the things you and your husband have dreamed of while he still can. You will hold his hand for hours watching a movie you don't love, while food dries up on pates in the kitchen, time is valuable spend it wisely. You can not go back, you can't use the time wasted on things that don't really matter.
I have no regrets, we hunted, fished, BBQ, and traveled as long as we could, then we talked, watched movies, listened to books, and played with the dog. He earned his wings in June 2011, I know we squeezed every bit of life we could out of the time he had. The clock is ticking, use your time wisely, something that everone, everywhere should think about. Mom power rules. Penny

 

[tammyg]

WOW, Penny you are right on target. I sometimes pass up plans with friends and family because my house is trashed and I am behind in EVERYTHING. Who cares. it ain't going no where. The dishes will be there along with the floors to wipe up. You are so right, don't sweat the small stuff Everybody in this house seems to already get this but me, I am the one who does it alllllllll. I try and make them understand If we all pitched in and did a little I would not be overwhelmed and have a life too. Me and my husband work 2 jobs most of it goes for education, they dont understand at all. MOMMY NEEDS HELP.
But today I am buring another friend and I am going to celebrate his life, and the dishes will still be there tomorrow, easier to clean from the soak.. LOL