Perhaps I'm Ignorant!

[brooksea]

I called a family member to let them know about my husband's status (his side of the family). I told them I might need help to make him comfortable, as in moving furniture and that my back is shot. Their response was that if you don't call and let me know I don't know what to do, like why is your back shot.

I understand that they don't know what to do, but why would I need to call them? Why can't they check on him every now and again? NONE of them do! It's like they put it back on me.

If I had an in-law that was suffering, I would not hesitate to JUST DO! I wouldn't wait for a call!

This is their own sibling! :evil:

 

[susanf]

They are morons and a bit self centered. They should have a schedule to come help him. Shame on them.

 

[notgivnup]

That is just so Wrong of them, They truely don't get it, but what about love and caring...what is happening to families these days, It sounds like it is a "all about me" generation, last couple anyway. I am So sorry they have not even bothered to call You and offer to help their own Loved one. Yes, Shame on them, I agree Susan.

 

[momofsixkids60]

CJ,

It's hard to "like" your post! I have wondered why we couldn't have another button for a sad face which is what I would give yours. Family is a funny thing, and all I can do for you is pray.

A few years ago, my husband was in an accident and was sent to the Shock Trauma Unit. I was at a friends house and the paramedics told her about the accident. I had 4 kids at the time, the youngest being 6 months old. I called HIS mother, the only family within 550 miles and told her and asked if she could watch the kids. She said she would watch the 2 middle kids but I had to take the baby. Uuhm, baby in hospital? This is YOUR son that's hurt and she wouldn't do anymore than that.

So it really doesn't surprise me, when I read it. But it disgusts me the way some families can be.

I don't know if money is tight, but our drug and alcohol rehab center would allow us to pay minimum wage to certain clients to do odd jobs. They moved us in to our house and out 2 yrs later and one was a certified plumber who hooked up all of the appliances

 

[momofsixkids60]

Sorry CJ, this new phone is a pain, but the gyst is look locally to see if they have programs that can help. I wish I was closer, I would send mu husband over to help.

I will keep you in my prayers,

Kimberly

 

[grandmommyk]

Shaking my head at their ignorance and sending empathy your way.

 

[Gentleman Jim]

C.J. I guess I will never forget you after you chewed my butt. Our little secret. You are right, I have a
BIL who has MS, advanced stages.
About a month or so ago, I visited him in the hosp. He said he was looking to by a riding lawn mower.
Come to find out, his was down. Didn't know, (he can crawl and get on his mower) Anyway, didn't say a
word. Went to their house and mowed, bush hogged, and weed eated.

When he got out of the hosp. and went home, he saw all his work done, and tears were in his eyes. My sister
didn't tell him that I had come and done it. Did it again last week. I like you, feel such gratification being able
to help and just do it.

He does have younger and closer relatives, but they do not visit. Son and daughter that do not visit. You are
right, my sister does alot by herself, she is 62 and just got laid off from her job. A lot of stress. We are
close, but after reading your post, I think we will be closer. Thanks again for chewing me out...

See you later C.J.

Jim

 

[halfin]

Fran and I have gone back and forth on this issue sometimes. She tends to get impatient and resentful of people who don't help enough. My attitude is, I have to ask for help dozens of times a day. I don't see any reason not to ask for help. Certainly not a stubborn insistence on waiting for it to be offered.

We have to be ruthlessly practical with this disease. This is no time for wishful thinking. It would be wonderful if people were angels. But that is not the case.

There are three kinds of people: those who will help without being asked; those who will help if asked; and those who will not help even if asked. We have to deal with people as they are. I think it's a waste of time and energy to fret about people being less than we wish they were.

 

[brooksea]

Hal, I appreciate your input and appreciate where YOU are coming from. My husband only asks for help from me and occasionally his best friend. He doesn't ask of his family anymore. He gave up. The thing is we BOTH have gone above and beyond the call of duty to help his whole family out with various illnesses, operations, nursing home stays, hospice stays; even to the point of sanitizing a disgusting dog poo ridden, roach infested, just plain filthy residence for one of his siblings that had a hip replacement. This was all without them asking us to do so. My husband has always given the shirt off his back (so to speak) when he had none to give.

And you are right, it probably is a waste of time. But, it is still infuriating beyond belief when you look at it from a caregiver's perspective. These people are like aliens from another planet!

 

[kmendsley]

You are not ignorant...they are. They choose to not see the very real condition that lies in front of them..so they don't make any efforts to call and check in. You calling them is another slap in the face to reality...and it is hard for them to deal. Sorry you have to go through this... I'm hear to listen anytime...I find 'reminding' them everyday in my case works out well as I deal with ignorant family as well every day Peace to you friend.

 

[halfin]

Funny story:

We have a neighbor who has been very helpful. He did some projects around our house, but he never finished the last one and left things quite a mess.

I got the idea that we hadn't been sufficiently appreciative, so I convinced Fran to bake him a nice chocolate cake. She took it to his house, but found the front door open and only the screen door closed. She rang and knocked, and even went around to the gate and called, but no response. Not wanting to leave the cake outside, she opened the screen door a few inches and set the cake on the floor.

Well, it turned out that the guy was in the back yard, and by the time he came in, his little dog had discovered the cake and eaten the whole thing.

Chocolate is toxic to dogs, so he had to take the dog to the emergency vet. They induced vomiting and kept the dog overnight for observation. Based on our experience, this probably cost over $1000.

So that didn't work out too well. Luckily the dog was okay. I wanted to suggest that we offer to pay the vet bill, but I am pretty much in the doghouse about this after my idea misfired so badly. You have to choose your battles.

 

[brooksea]

LOL

Hal, if you haven't learned to listen to your wife by now, you should be in the doghouse!