Pity Party for one

[Tx Daddy's Girl]

Im just having a bad few days and need to vent. My dad is in the final stages and barely able to communicate but clearly made the comment today "I'm ready to die now" when my mom told him she wished he would use a Bipap so he could breathe easier.

I know he's ready, it's just hard to hear. Part of me is ready for him to go as well because I know he's suffering. I just don't know how I'll go on with out him. My friend told me everything I'm feeling now is what people normally feel after someone dies so I'm just grieving before, asking the questions before. I just feel like my heart is being ripped from my body.

 

[zoohouse]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your friend is correct that you are going through grieving process. There is no way to make it easier I am afraid, but here is a cyber hug for you. I will say a prayer for you.
Paulette

 

[Nuts]

I'm so sorry about what you are feeling. Honoring his wish may be the hardest thing you ever do. He will always be in your heart and in your head. Thinking of you...

 

[Mediasmart]

It is no consolation that will help but when he said that it is something that is harder on all those around to hear than it is on him to say. My single greatest fear is when that day comes for me is that I will be helpless to comfort my family and I most politely and with greatest respect for your situation that the less he sees of your pain the better for him.

I've followed your posts since I joined and have nothing but respect for your deep compassion and caring.

 

[dldred]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Dana

 

[Santa joe]

You are such a loving and wonderful daughter. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes I grieve for myself more than my loved one. It's hard watching ALS progress. Please don't let this terrible disease overshadow your precious memories with your dad. Love and hugs.

Debbie

 

[affected]

This is such a hard time and there are no good choices. I hope you can find your way to peace through this process, you are a wonderful daughter through and through.

 

[Gerri]

So sorry. You are wonderful and loving daughter. God bless you and your family during the difficult days ahead. Be sure to take some "me" time so you can be there for your father. Hug

 

[TGB1]

I am thinking about u and your dad. It is so awful to watch a parent suffer with this rotten disease. I hope the end is peaceful.
Trina

 

[barneyswife]

My heart breaks for you! I have to keep saying to myself what would I do and what would I want if this was me? I honestly would not want to be here. Your dad has fought a valiant fight and I have to think sometimes enough is enough! Treasure the memories you have and try to understand and respect his wishes. Tell him you love him.
Hugs
Linda

 

[Isaac]

BIG cyber hug! God bless you all.

 

[Tx Daddy's Girl]

Thank you so much. It's so hard to see this because my father ran 3 miles a day prior to his illness. I still keep thinking he's going to get up out of his bed and start doing everything. I miss him so much and he's not even gone. My dad would have shot himself a long time time ago had it not been because of our faith. I think he would've starved himself before talking to our priest.

As selfish as it is there is a part of me ready for him to go because 1) he wants it 2) to get back to normal. Whatever that is. I know how hard it is on my mom. My brother and I can switch weekends to help her with the house. I know my dadhayes having to depend on us, he's told me as much. Theming thi k how horrible it is to pray he goes quickly. When he was in pain and in the hospital after his fall I was so mad at God for not taking him. The pain scale from 1-10, 10 being the worst, dad would describe his pain at 30. I begged God to take him. I don't understand the suffering. My dad was a good man, volunteered, helped his community. He doesn't deserve this. I feel like my heart is. Ring ripped from my chest. My dad and I were 2 peas in a pod. I feel like I can't go without him but indeed him to go at the same time. My worst enemy doesn't deserve this . No one does. I see all these articles on how AIDS has pretty much been cured with drugs and all I can think is why money has been poured I toresearch for an illness which is mainly driven by lifestyle choices instead of something like ALS. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm heartbroken. It's not fair. Why our loved ones?

 

[summerguy2007]

AIDS is not and has not been driven by "lifestyle choices". It was prevalent in Africa among heterosexuals long before it spread to other countries. It's very unfair to begrudge others who unfortunately got AIDS because there are treatments for them in the Western world, and there are not all homosexuals. Even if they were, are you saying they are not worth saving from disease? Not a very Christian outlook. I'm also disappointed there are good treatments for ALS.

 

[Santa joe]

I know what you are trying to say daddy's girl. My stepfather passed away from ALS 21 years ago. There has been very little if anything done to find a cause or cure for ALS. Now my husband has ALS. Yes this is my second time dealing with this monster. When my stepfather passed away, I did not grieve - I was relieved. I think I will feel the same way with my hubby. You see I have been grieving every day for the last 2 years. It's horrible watching your loved one go thru this 24/7. I grieve for what use to be and what will never be.

Be there for your parents, love them and know you are in my prayers. It's ok to be angry. Just don't become bitter. Bitterness eats away at your heart.

Debbie

 

[Tx Daddy's Girl]

AIDS is not and has not been driven by "lifestyle choices". It was prevalent in Africa among heterosexuals long before it spread to other countries. It's very unfair to begrudge others who unfortunately got AIDS because there are treatments for them in the Western world, and there are not all homosexuals. Even if they were, are you saying they are not worth saving from disease? Not a very Christian outlook. I'm also disappointed there are good treatments for ALS.

Not once did I mention homosexuals. It's called safe sex. Are they worth saving? Yes, especially children. However, my point is is that if you can prevent disease with something simple why would you not? Is it very Christian to have these thoughts? Maybe not, that's why He sent His son to die for my sins.

Don't hijack my thread.