Help

Charlize · 06-10-2012, 10:20 AM

This very sensitive but i have to ask it anyway. My brother has ALS and has lost the use of all his limbs, speech, eats thru peg tube etc. What he hasn't lost is his sex drive. he has asked me to help. Apart from "helping" him myself what can I do?

seaside · 06-10-2012, 11:22 AM

And how has he communicated this to you?

seaside · 06-10-2012, 11:49 AM

Charlize, I can see that you are watching this thread and I can't understand why an honest answer has not appeared by now. Do you need more time for research? For fabrication?

Charlize · 06-10-2012, 12:37 PM

He has sent me emails on his dynavox. We haven't talked about it face to face. We are both 2 embarassed. If you are suggesting this is not real then this is not the site that I thought would help us. It took a lot for me to post but I guess he is the only one with this problem. By the way...his wife divorced him after cashing everything he owned in. Even sold his van.

seaside · 06-10-2012, 12:57 PM

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Usually threads with related subject matter are displayed at the bottom of the page, but as you can see there is no match for your prurient curiosity.

BLPhill · 06-10-2012, 01:08 PM

Charlize,

Give it awhile Charlize, I'm sure someone with knowledge of this will answer you. As you probably already know, the people who would normaly answer have recently passed away. Give it a little more time.

Charlize · 06-10-2012, 01:51 PM

Well, I was not looking for the physicallity of it. I want to know where to go next. Do i talk to Hospice about this? His Dr? Is there medication? And Seaside I am not harassing you. Why are u harassing me? I see day after day what this is doing to my only sibling and only for him would I have put myself out here!

kiwisally · 06-10-2012, 02:14 PM

What did your brother request or suggest as a means of "help" when the two of you discussed the matter? I see you are watching, it must be a matter of great concern for you.

laurel · 06-10-2012, 02:55 PM

Charlize this is quite a delicate topic. Sexuality is so important to mental health, and yet it is so taboo to discuss. I don't see medication to diminish sex drive as something to pursue. In all honesty, about the only option I can see is hiring someone in the sex trade since he doesn't have a spouse or girlfriend. Over the years here I have read posts where PALS talk about no longer being touched or held by spouses as their spouse has turned into a caregiver and not a lover--and they miss that aspect very much. Hopefully others will have a more socially acceptable alternative than the one I proposed. Just another thought--maybe he could achieve some satisfaction using a bidet--as I have heard quadriplegic women saying that they use their bidets for that purpose. Good luck.
Laurel

ghost_writer · 06-10-2012, 04:09 PM

Charlize you may look into Disabilities-R-Us dot com, also MyPleasure dot com, I'm sure you can find many other sites with a little surfing.

vzandt · 06-10-2012, 06:10 PM

I personally think this is a very good question. I don't know the answer to it but you would think that someone here would.

ghost_writer · 06-10-2012, 07:13 PM

For the disabled male with a willing partner two words: rocking chair. There are commercial rocking chairs designed for this, however you may find your lay-z-boy fits the bill.

If anyone is interested in viewing a short PG documentary on the issues of sexuality and disability on youtube find: "Sex On Wheels" and naturally youtube will suggest a number of like topics if you care to continue.

brooksea · 06-10-2012, 07:34 PM

P L M had a thread regarding this issue years ago.

hn7609 · 06-11-2012, 06:46 AM

I think that it’s a valid question. Unfortunately I can’t chime in with an answer that will help. Personally this is an area that concerns me going forward. Luckily my arms & hands still function adequately so this is not of critical concern yet in my own situation there has certainly been a marked decrease in intimacy with my wife. Things have slowed considerably since I’ve been in the chair. I know that most of the problem is the added responsibilities that have been heaped upon my wife leaving her with less time for optional activities vs the ones that must be done. Going forward I know that this will become a bigger issue for me.

notme · 06-11-2012, 08:27 AM

I think it's important to remember that if someone leaves a browser window open, it's going to show they are 'here' when they very well may not be.

My screen always has this forum open--I check it several times a day--maybe we shouldn't make negative assumptions based on a light being on. My light is probably always 'on' but I'm not always 'here'