coping

[beckysuenc]

Being recently diagnosed I am having problems with the tears that come from out of the blue. Today my grandson, who lives out of state called and talked about a special dessert that I always made for him. Asked if I would make it during the next holidays. I of course said yes but after we hung up the tears came. I can't even prepare a dinner by myself any longer. What makes me think I can do that? So many people don't know what happens with this monster of a disease. How do we tell them without sounding like a pity party? I want to be strong and be the person that my children and grandchildren always knew but it's not happening. Any help would really be appreciated.
Trying to hang in there////
Beckysuenc

 

[BarryG]

Beckysuenc, you hang in there and might I suggest that you get your grandson to help you make his favorite dessert. He will love it even more and you'll make good memories that will stay with him forever.

 

[brooksea]

How 'bout you take the role of Executive Chef! Have the recipe ready and the ingredients on hand (by whatever means necessary). Let everyone know you are now the Executive Chef and your grandson is the Sous Chef! You don't have to do anything but instruct! Make a game of it. It could be fun! And no matter how the desert turns out, the important thing is that y'all spent time together!

 

[Valerie]

Beckysuenc,

Just as Barry mentioned, I would suggest you make this a gift to your grandson that he will carry forever. Now you can take the time to write out the recipe for him and perhaps when you are next together, he can learn how to make it with you. Whether you are preparing the dish along side of him or not, you are fulfilling his request and passing on a loved family recipe.

In learning Mom's diagnosis the tears came constantly... out of the blue as you say. I believe it is a normal phase for you and your loved ones, in grasping the reality of the diagnosis.

May you find that time eases the sorrow and that you and your family are able to support each other in the journey you will travel.

I hope this message is read as I intend ~ to provide you comfort in knowing you are not alone.

My thoughts are with you.
Val

 

[Lavender Lady]

Beckysue, I love to cook too and can't anymore. I am making my kids a cookbook with all their favorite foods with photos. Now they cook and I guide them. You will find you grieve over things you never dreamed you'd miss. Also, emotional lability kicks in during those times too. We have to be creative in how we can still be a part of all the good things just in a different way. Hang in there.

Rox









n

 

[KC2U2]

Beckysue,

Thoughts and prayers for you this morning, I miss being functional in the kitchen too! It was the one place I could be totally relaxed and my creativity would come through. The others have suggested what I would have and hopefully you'll get to make that dessert with your grandson. As for the tears, well, everybody needs a good cry once in a while.

 

[abbas child]

Beckysue,

I echo the other responses. My prayers are also with you, and your tears at this time in particular are normal. You will almost certainly go through this time of grief, followed by a gradual acceptance and by finding new things to do. We adapt, and become involved in other activities--either things you've always wanted but never had time to do before, or things altogether surprising. Giving you a hug... and hope you'll be "Executive Chef" and pass along your good recipes!
Ann

 

[irismarie]

all the right answers already. OU r gifts, eve, used in a minimal way are still there to help others. I was a pianist and could play just about anything but i dont think anyone appreciate it half as much as the folk in my last carehome when i could bang out with one finger of one hand the old wartime songs for them to sing along. We have to let go of EVERYTHING, but as everyone suggest here, the good way to do this is by shovelling the chance to be the active one on to someone else and give them that importance
loadso love to you all

 

[butterfly.silverwings]

my father went thought stages of uncontrollable crying and laughing....
I know how hard it is to deal with someone you love having this disease.

 

[beckysuenc]

Re: Coping
Thanks to everyone for the kind responses and suggestions.Will love being the Executive Chef. I think my grandson will also love making the dessert. i think things will be much better once I can accept what has happened and let go. I think this is like the Serenity Prayer. This just came to mind. I'm sure in time I will be able to get the tears under control. Again, thanks and love to everyone.
Beckysuenc

 

[Bad Balance]

Please do not feel alone. We all go through this difficult part of the disease. Sometimes my sad feelings break into sobs too.

I like the idea of doing this together with your grandson. My best memories of my grandmother are being in her kitchen as she baked and let me help.

 

[SueG]

BeckySue, hang in there and let the tears come. I have also had to switch to the executive chef role, as my hands get worse daily. This has been really hard for me since I love love cooking and am (was?) good at it. And I cry at the drop of a hat, sappy movies, whatever. I like the idea of a cookbook for the kids- or just cooking together. Hope you have people around who like to help you out-- once I was able to admit that I need help, I found lots of folks eager to help cook or bring meals. And my husband's cooking is getting better daily

We are here for each other!

Sue

 

[pjm220]

Beckysuenc, the others have posted exactly what I wanted to say.

In our house we talk about "levels" of the disease. There are periods of stability, and then my husband will announce to the family, "we have gone to a new level". With each new stage there are more activities that go away. And each beloved part of our lives is deserving of moments of grief. Especially the ones that we didn't see coming. Look at the alternative. Would you want to be that person who has nothing to grieve about? Grieving a loss gives value to what is gone.

I co-sign the comments about letting your loved ones shine through their care of you.

Crying is healthy and healing. God bless you and your family in this journey.

 

[beckysuenc]

Pam
Thank you so much for your comment about grieving. That is so true. I never thought of it in that way.

My prayers are with everyone in this journey.
Beckysuenc

 

[Sequoia]

bekysue,
it sure is tough! But isn't it wonderful having this forum family to give suggestions on how to make the big changes into something that sure sounds like fun: head chef! I think just learning to ever more a loving presence with our loved ones...is a great gift to them. Tears and smiles, they will learn how to cope by watching you make this transition. It's all about love...you dont have to do much else.
Praying for you!