So unhappy.....

[Phil M]

I had no choice but to move in with my elderly folks after struggling to keep living by myself. My Dad is 76, and is the best father a son could have. But his mind is getting weak, and he does not listen to me at all. I try to tell him how I want to be treated, but its just falling on deaf ears. He just can't remember anything I say. He is still in pretty good physical health, and he wants to spend all his time doing something for, or with me. I am a bigtime loaner, and need my lone time. I go absolutely crazy without it! You guessed it! He wants to be in my face all day everyday! I try to tolerate it the best I can, but sometimes I am just boiling inside! It is starting to effect my will to fight. I hate not being being in control of my life!

 

[joni51]

I am so sorry Phil. I know Bruce feels like he has no control over his life as well. I personally really like my own time...of course I don't get it very much...lol Maybe talk to your mom?

 

[HelenL]

Perhaps if you could set up a schedule, as if you were still working would help?

Get up at __a.m., clean up for day at __a.m., reading/computer "alone" time from 10-lunch, etc.?

Then he could also know that you are ok without him in your face all the time, and it may be a relief for him as well. Good luck! And definitely talk to your Mom.

Helen

 

[Pepper]

Phil, if you are able to get it across to him, he might find it a relief not having to hover over you all the time. Until I read your post I did not realize I was doing the same with my husband. I feel sorry for him, in bed all the time and so I check on him every now and again. He gestured to me a few times I could leave him alone. And once or twice said he just wants to be left alone and I did not really hear him. At night I do prefer to be by myself, a time to recuperate kind of thing and recently feel obligated to spend time with him at night also. I was aware I am adding stress to myself but at the same time thought he must feel so lonely.

He does sleep round the clock some days.

 

[abbas child]

Phil, I think this is a tough problem, since your Dad seems to have memory problems. He might even see you as his buddy he wants to spend time with. My Dad has a hard time when he's here or on the phone in keeping to limits, so I know a bit of what it can be like. I get the disappointed comments when I need to go have "time out" or need to go up to bed, and after a couple of days together it now takes a week to recover... There's memory problem combined with a strong desire to visit.

Would making a sign to hold up saying you need to be alone be useful? A message with sort of a joke... or no joke. Phil, there has got to be an answer...Big headset with serious ear muffling...! The kind used around power machinery.

 

[mare]

Phil-
I'm sorry you are so unhappy:sad: No words of wisdom; how about a hug?:smile:

 

[Phil M]

I don't know what to do. I told him he is trying too hard, and does not need to prove how much he loves me. I think he has the idea that he needs to feel like a hero...my savior! He will say that he wants to put up a handle somewhere wich involves screwing in 4 screws...8 hours later he is still in my room. He makes it last all day on purpose. He will measure the samething over and over and over! I get nerve racked, and start twitching all over. My progression speed has more than tripled since moving here. I stay stressed out now.

 

[LizT]

phil- maybe you need to be 100% honest with your dad and just tell him straight out that you love him to death and appreciate all that he is doing, but it is driving you nuts always having someone around you. just tell him you need space to do your own thing.
is he afraid that something will happen to you and he wont be there to help? maybe get a bell and tell him that if he is needed, you will ring the bell.
real crappy situation. i hope you can figure it out. you sure dont need stress right now.

 

[KeeKer]

Hi Phil, I don't know if you realize it, but fathers have to fix things for their kids. He probably feels so helpless and hopeless since there is nothing he can do! He probably wants to spend every second with you as he knows that they are finite.Please try to see it from his place. Maybe you can sit down and have a discussion about what each of you needs.

 

[shelly2612]

Love ya Phil so good. Miss you in the chatroom. We have alot of fun in there. Lots of people coming back.

 

[Miss]

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I wish my husband would take time to himself. He wants me in the room with him 24/7. I am NOT kidding - 24/7. Drives me CRAZY! I am the one that needs time alone.