Dearest Jeff,
I read your post many times so that I could be clear in myself my perception as to the meaning of what was said, what was not said. I "hear" that you are lonely. I "hear" that you feel alone and unappreciated. Is that the space where you are this moment my friend? I soul appreciate the love that you extend to me with your emails and postings. I do. I truly do feel supported and loved when I see that you have once again, made the effort to take the time to write me a note. The space where I am in this moment is full of my need to understand my personal journey, my need to integrate my family heart losses and that takes soul much energy and time that there is little left over to extend myself.
I want to give you some heart gifts from the Prairie this morning.
First, never begin any communication [written or verbal] with a apology or self doubt about whether it is valid or how it will be received by others. If your communication is sincere and filled with love you need never doubt the intention. How others choose to interpret your words or your voice is their journey. :] If they "care" they will clarify their perceptions with you. Remove statements like this from your life and your reality, "i really dont know if i shouldbe writing this but.."
Try this instead, "it has come across my mind several times and when that happens i believe its something to be mentioned"! Hear the difference?!
BE clear about your needs to yourself and to the people that you want to help you meet that need. They will either say YES or NO. There is simply no doubt, no questioning, no resentment of unfulfilled needs on either person. Be heart honest. We have to LOVE the NO as much as the YES!
When and if someone has wounded your heart, talk about it with that person-one on one and attempt to resolve it and heal it. If that does not work, ROW like hell away from the wreckage! Do not keep returning to the shattered boat with years of futile attempts to repair it or fix it. Life is short my friend. Everything is always a life lesson and there is ALWAYS a gift and blessings in even the darkest times and places. SEE the blessings and the gifts.
Remember that we are all on a journey-always. Some days are easy and some are just overwhelming and soul difficult. Give the gift of compassion to yourself and others.
This is one of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver and is a gift from my heart to yours this morning. With love from the Prairie, Kay Marie
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
-Mary Oliver