My eldest brother has a big lump on his neck for years, it is inoperable. I asked him one day if he does not worry about it. He replied, "No, worrying is not going to make it go away so why worry?" I find that attitude really helps. The strangest of songs came to my mind recently along with Lead Kindly Light, "Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be. The future not ours to see, que sera sera, what will be will be..." It was a song we sang a lot as teenagers.
About fellowship, it is something I am struggling with. I lived like a hermit for years, I do go out daily, meeting people I say hi to but essentially my husband and I live alone. I do not have friends, my husband has a couple of old friends here who are very helpful. I find it very hard asking for help. I have never really asked help of anyone. When my husband suffered from dehydration one year and we were living on a little island on the Gulf coast, I did not have anyone I could call and called the EMS. They came immediately, sirens blasting and brought him to the hospital. He had refused to go and by that time was almost incoherent.
I had a Church friend there with a husband who was dying of cancer. Every time he fell and she could not get him up, she called the cops who helped her carry him to bed. I always thought, I will do the same but in big cities, are we able to call for help from cops that way? That was a little island and rather informal.
Who would I call were that to happen with my husband, I started asking myself, his two friends, neighbors? I likely would start with them and neighbors though we do little with neighbors. And if no one is available, could I call the cops. He has two daughters here, sadly enough, they do not want want much to do with their father. I cannot rely on them for much, they also live miles away hence essentially I am alone. I have been taken care of most of my life, as a child at home, as a nun, marrying shortly after, living sheltered. I am 54 but often feel 26 mentally. I have to remind myself my sister, a year older is already a grandmother. I have taken over everything and it is always hard the first time things happen like copper tubing bursting in hard freeze, water spraying hard and high. What do I do? Where is the water turn off? I ran around like a mad person before I caught a neighbor on his roof looking at his. Next time it happens, I know what to do.
This is the only support forum I turn to. It does help a lot, reading other's experiences and info given.
gertrude
