Status
Not open for further replies.

MaxwellMurder

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2009
Messages
61
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
09/2009
Country
US
State
Oh
City
Alliance
In Sep, of 08 the girl that I was engaged to merry and spent my whole teen years with left me. I was destroyed to say the least. But then I met some one new a few months later, and we hit it off as friends from the first time we spoke. For about a month we hung out went to parties and became all around best friends, and we flirted with that fine line of dating and ending the night with a hand shake. Until the night we stayed up till 6am watching movies and eating snacks, I’m not sure who made the first move but next thing I knew we were kissing. I know what your thinking who cares about kissing but to tell you the truth I was with the same girl for almost 6 years, ready to be married and here I am 6 in the morning kiss this new girl I had only met maybe a month ago. Needless to say things got weird between us for all of a week until we talked about how we were really starting to like each other and maybe we should take it a step up. And it was good for a week or so until I got freaked and ran away. Luckily she took me back, but when things started going way to good I ran again, but again she took me back. Then months go by and we start to hint around the L word. Then a month goes by and one star lit summer night I take her hand and I tell her that I’m in love with and we kiss, and as we pull away a green shooting star that looked like it was ready slam into the ground at our feet fly’s over. ( scouts honor truly happened, she starts crying and said she felt like Meg Ryan). And threw out the year we had made jokes about my limp and how I fall a lot, but we both knew I needed to see a Doc, and in Sep, of 09 I was told I could have ALS. She stuck right there by my side and never once let me see her cry cuz she knew her tears wouldn’t help. (she is one of the strongest people I have ever met) But once again in Nov I ran away. I know now why, I am so scared of having my heart broke like it was that I kept pushing her away when I felt myself falling deeper in love with her, and I am crazy about this girl. Only this time I hurt her to bad and she wont let me back. So all this time I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t break my heart I broke my own. Kinda funny. She told me today that she does love me, but it took her so long to push her feelings down for me, and she has to start looking out for herself that she just cant do it at this time. She needs time to heal. She hates that she’s hurting me but she cant be with me right now, maybe in a while. I’m just praying a while doesn’t turn out to be to long cuz like I said I’m crazy about her and I want her in my life.
 
Get past your fears and go see her and tell her why you acted that way, then tell her how much you love her and are sorry for hurting her but you will never do it again. This girl is too precious to loose.
 
thats what i did today. and she told me she couldnt do it cause she wasnt ready idk. all i know is that im in love with her. and i fear if i fight for her its going to push her away even more but at the same time i dont want to lose her
 
Keep in touch and keep telling her you love her and respect her decision. And, that you will be there when she is ready.

In the meantime don't find someone else and blow your chances with her.

I think it is time for some of our fantastic women to give their perspective.
 
she does want to stay friends and talk which is good, but its going to be hard for me to just be friends with her
 
I totally understand what you are saying. Something similar happened to me, I finally told her I loved her too much and could not be just friends. It was either all or nothing. We were married 6 months later and have been happily married for 39 years.

Don't give up yet, but be careful not to push.

Where are the ladies? LOL.
 
From my perspective... love doesn't conquer all, but it should. If you find someone to love, like you have, then she's worth the wait. Like Joel said, don't blow it by getting involved with someone else.

The song by 38 Special has some very true lyrics (...just hang on loosely, but don't let her go, if you cling too tightly you're gonna lose control...)
 
i have been lucky to find two girls in my life that i have truly loved. now im a stud but limping threw a bar with a cain makes you cute like a baby turtel not cute like i wanna date that guy lol. and im way to into this girl to think about some one else
 
Sounds to me like you have gotten some really good advice from Joel and Rose so my advice might just be repetitive.

Stay in touch with her. Be totally honest with her. Make sure she knows that you regret leaving her and that it was a big mistake made out of fear. She will understand that. I am sure she still has feelings for you and if you are brave enough to let her see that you are human and you make mistakes, I'm pretty sure you will get her back. Also be sure to make her feel that you admire and respect her. That is important because it won't be easy for her to shake her fear that you will change your mind again. Don't forget you aren't the only one with a broken heart and now this girl has to feel treasured and safe but you sound like a real romantic and I bet you can pull it off.

Good luck, Max!
 
how is your diagnosed playing a role in this? sounds like she was with you through the process, was she?

ah, young love...
 
Sorry to hear you broke your own heart, but don't be too hard on yourself. You are dealing with way more than anyone should be at your age and because of that, as well as the heartbreak from the long-term girlfriend, it makes sense that you would run from the prospect of new love, and the potential for more heartbreak, which is inherent in any relationship.

Sometimes relationships that start close to the end of a long-term relationship do not work out, in my experience. They are called "rebounds" because of this. One or both people often has too much baggage and, however strong the feelings may be, the timing just isn't right. This does not mean that it will not eventually work out with this person, if you are both in the right head/heart space, at the time. I agree that you should maintain contact with this young woman as best as possible, but do not pressure her in any way and do not freak out if she eventually gets involved with someone else. Try to occupy yourself with other things----it sounds like you are interested in music and writing--- throw yourself into that stuff and give both of you time to sort things out. And I agree, it makes sense to avoid getting involved with someone new at this time. That would only muddy the waters further and may also prevent you from reconnecting with this girl.

I know this is the PALS forum, and I am not a PAL and don't normally post here (hope it's OK that I did!) but this seemed like a topic that any of us can relate to and potentially help with. I imagine that you feel some urgency, given your diagnosis, to get this girl back. That is understandable. But if you give it some time and give her some space-- even for a little while-- it might really help.

For what it's worth-- I bet the young ladies do not think you look "cute like a baby turtle!" You are handsome and seem like a hip, sensitive, interesting guy-- get yourself a cool cane and rock it!

Sandra

P.S. I read that you write/read poetry. I found myself reading a lot of poems about loss several years ago, at the unexpected ending of a long-term relationship. Here is one that I particularly like:

Elizabeth Bishop
One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
 
to answer paleshia, no she wasnt a young love, she moved to ohio from CO and we kinda met one night by mistake. after my engagment fell threw i was in a bad place with drugs and alcohol. for about a month i didnt eat or sleep just drank. and ended up losing 30 lbs. to tell you the truth im pretty sure God sent her in my life at the right time cuz i could be dead right now if i would stayed on that road much longer. alot of my friends had given up on me i still had one that helped me to bed and delt with my crazy drunken out burst and what not, so he was happy when i met her cuz i quit drinking as much and quit the drugs for the third time in my life and did every thing i could to make her think i was cool. and i ended up becoming her first boyfriend. she was 21 and had never been on a date because she never met any one that she really liked in that way, but she let me date her then we fell in love.
 
i have an update on things. we had coffee this morning and shes coming over after work to talk some more, i think im making head way with this
 
Great news! I hope it goes well!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top