soonerwife
Very helpful member
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2016
- Messages
- 1,571
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 10/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- OK
- City
- Cleveland
I have to say, grief is the strangest thing I have had to deal with thus far...
Cliff has been gone now for almost 9 months.
In the beginning, I felt relief. I thought this was really strange, almost wrong... I felt guilty about that. Then I felt like I was doing really well, too well really. I felt like I wasn't grieving?! Who knows what I was doing?!
Seven months in, I bought a house and moved.
Eight months in, I applied for a new position within my same company.
Honestly, I don't know how or what I am doing.
I feel numb, kinda dead inside. I can't figure out what I want or need?!
I think I keep trying to figure out what is going to make me happy and I am not sure that is possible right now.
I went to counseling last Thursday... I like her ok... She told me that it has now been determined that grief for a loved one takes 2 to 12 years to process... Seriously, I will be retired by then. She gave me some books to read and I will go back every two weeks for six visits and then reassess.
There are some other things going on with my family as well that I don't want to go into details about but my DD and DGK are staying with me right now. So I am on Grandma duty a lot... while I love my grandkids, sometimes it's a lot when you are trying to just put one foot in front of the other.
I have been calling in sick more and thinking of reasons to not be at work... this worries me. I have to have my job and don't want to mess that up but lately, it has been a little to easy for me to say, not today..
The counselor said, I would be more worried if you weren't going to work and taking care of things. I am telling you, this isn't good!!!
I got an email today saying the hiring manager thinks I am highly qualified for the new position... Some days I think a change may be good. Other days, I think I should stay put...
In a couple of weeks, I am going on a work trip to New Orleans. I am looking forward to that. I am hoping, I can keep the worrying to a minimum and enjoy myself. We shall see!
Thanks for listening.
Cliff has been gone now for almost 9 months.
In the beginning, I felt relief. I thought this was really strange, almost wrong... I felt guilty about that. Then I felt like I was doing really well, too well really. I felt like I wasn't grieving?! Who knows what I was doing?!
Seven months in, I bought a house and moved.
Eight months in, I applied for a new position within my same company.
Honestly, I don't know how or what I am doing.
I feel numb, kinda dead inside. I can't figure out what I want or need?!
I think I keep trying to figure out what is going to make me happy and I am not sure that is possible right now.
I went to counseling last Thursday... I like her ok... She told me that it has now been determined that grief for a loved one takes 2 to 12 years to process... Seriously, I will be retired by then. She gave me some books to read and I will go back every two weeks for six visits and then reassess.
There are some other things going on with my family as well that I don't want to go into details about but my DD and DGK are staying with me right now. So I am on Grandma duty a lot... while I love my grandkids, sometimes it's a lot when you are trying to just put one foot in front of the other.
I have been calling in sick more and thinking of reasons to not be at work... this worries me. I have to have my job and don't want to mess that up but lately, it has been a little to easy for me to say, not today..
The counselor said, I would be more worried if you weren't going to work and taking care of things. I am telling you, this isn't good!!!
I got an email today saying the hiring manager thinks I am highly qualified for the new position... Some days I think a change may be good. Other days, I think I should stay put...
In a couple of weeks, I am going on a work trip to New Orleans. I am looking forward to that. I am hoping, I can keep the worrying to a minimum and enjoy myself. We shall see!
Thanks for listening.