Finding our new normal...

[soonerwife]

So this weekend was eye opening for me.

Last weekend I was gone most of the weekend seeing my uncle that recently broke his neck.

On Thursday, I told my mom I was going to stay home all weekend. It was supposed to be cold here and I needed time to rest and just hang out.

Friday I take care of laundry, bills, meet with the internet company...

Saturday morning I wake up and think I CAN'T sit here all weekend.... What was I thinking.

It is soooo quiet here. Work seems normal, home does not.

I don't know what I am supposed to be doing?!

I am so used to taking care of things that now that Cliff is gone, I'm not even sure what I am doing.

We all have to get used to the new normal when we are taking care of our PALS and they can no longer go and do things.

Heck, even before that, we are constantly getting used to new normals. He couldn't speak, then he couldn't eat...

I started a new little side gig... I am hoping this will be a healthy way of spending my time and hopefully making a little extra money?!

Most of us lose our second income when we lose our PALS since alot of them are not at retirement age.

Honestly, I don't know how to do this without Cliff but I am putting one foot in front of the other and trying to find my new normal...

 

[JimInVA]

And by doing what you do... and sharing it with those of us not yet there... you give us hope.

Thank you!!

Jim

 

[affected]

sooner so many people would say to me - you aren't going to stay living on that property on your own are you?

Well I often wonder what I would have done with myself if I had not had acres of gardens because I just listened to audio books and manically put everything into order, then just kept making more gardens! I really could not sit still for a moment.

Try out this side gig and if it works, brilliant, if it doesn't, never mind enjoy giving it a go!

We can't explain life on the 'other side' to anyone else, just do what you need

 

[soonerwife]

I feel so out of sorts... I work my tail off Mon-Thurs and then the weekend comes. I am always so glad to have the work week over and then I find myself so lost.

It's so quiet here... I keep looking for what will give me some happiness but I honestly don't know what that is?!

I am trying to find things to keep myself busy on the weekends but the silence is deafening.

I hate ALS and what it took from Cliff and I. We were living life before ALS and it couldn't have been better. Now here I sit in a quiet house wishing we still were...

If only I could be at peace with my new normal?!

 

[sunandsea]

Sooner, I understand completely what you are saying and don't know how to navigate the days that aren't planned around work. I'm sorry - I haven't checked in much and haven't posted. I hope they days are getting easier for you. It is one foot in front of the other, isn't it?

 

[affected]

Sooner it's such early days, of course you feel all of this acutely.

The loss - well how can you even describe the size and scope of the loss to anyone that hasn't experienced it?

Maybe you can have grandchildren stay over on weekends a bit more to help?

It won't just become something normal quickly - I won't pretend it will, but you will find a new shape to your life. You will go up and down as you work through your grief, and you will do it your way.

I wish you a really huge hug, it's horrible on the other side, but with time you will get to somewhere, and at the moment you may not even realise what that somewhere will look like. I know that doesn't really make things better now, but if being home alone is the issue, I guess planning for that to be kept to minimums is your best strategy. I know I've listened to more audio books than I would have thought possible while I do things alone!

 

[Jlynn]

Tillies right......we have to keep busy. Keep our minds busy. I started manically painting everything. Walls, furniture. I would have done gardening but the season was over. I'm not sure I have found my new normal yet. My guess is it will be a slow process but a process none the less.
Sooner, it's all so fresh for you. You have been through a journey that most will never understand. Time. That's what you need. It's what we all need. Hugs Sooner.

 

[Narrowminded]

Sooner I’m sending huge hugs. That’s all I can do. I haven’t had the experience yet, but I can reach out and hold you from here.

Hugs,

Sue

 

[soonerwife]

I think I just need to do some planning for sure. Maybe reach out to some friends and have the grandkids a bit more. The next few weekends are going to be a bit busier so we will see how it goes.

I think for me reality is just now sitting in and I am just sad... We will never be the same.

 

[scaredwifetx]

Sending you hugs Soonerwife. I do know that it takes a while. One day you will wake up with a purpose and see things differently but right now its just so hard. You are still grieving and we all get so used to grieving that is hard to know what it's like to take care of yourself. We grief from the day of diagnosis. We lost ourselves that day. I do believe that you will be fine and think you are doing a wonderful job so far.

 

[affected]

sooner that's very true - we are never the same, we never 'get over it', but we do learn to live with the loss and we do find beauty and joy in the world.

It takes times, and I don't mean weeks or months, it takes time.

Whatever you need to do!

JLynn I cracked up when you said you did manic painting. I so get it - but I started painting - fixed up all the places where damage with the PWC was done, patched and painted, then stopped. 4 years later most people wouldn't notice but every now and then I see where I never did really finish and now I just laugh!