Barbie
Extremely helpful member
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2007
- Messages
- 2,681
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 01/2007
- Country
- US
- State
- FL
- City
- orlando
whenever I feel sad, I come here to this place with all of you. it is like my safe spot--I know how all of you feel and you know how I feel...some of you know me, and so many new people here have no idea who I am. but I know you love me and understand me just coz...
This is my sad month...I have been getting progressively weepier and weepier this week. My dear husband passed 2 years ago. so hard to believe.
I am so happy overall in my new life, I have a new home, a new love, a new lease on life. I laugh most all the time, and enjoy everything around me. but all that doesn't take away the memory of Lonny. he is with me every day. I am sad to say that my memories of him are almost all bad even now after 2 years. I still see him as a Pals, not as the man I married. I try so hard to talk to our kids only about the happy days and good memories. but in my mind it is all ALS ALS ALS.
I still cant' handle stress well. I avoid confrontation and anything that is upsetting.
I guess it is normal for the memories of your departed to get stronger as you get close to the date of their death. the last few months of his life were so traumatic and emotional--I am in pain just thinking of that time. I am mad...mad that he acted the way he did. mad that he had to suffer so much. mad that I suffered. mad that he got sick. mad that he is not here to enjoy all the fruits of his labor. mad about every thing I did wrong, even though I know that I mostly did good and right during the 9 years he was sick.
even though I feel raw right now, I don't want cals or other widows to think I am still grieving hard after 2 years. I am not. it is softer and faded. but right now, this month it is all sharp and pointy again. for me, my journey with Lonny is like when you look at old faded photos from your childhood...you know it is you and you know the story, you see the smiles or frowns but it is all a little blurry .
Love you all
Bobbi
This is my sad month...I have been getting progressively weepier and weepier this week. My dear husband passed 2 years ago. so hard to believe.
I am so happy overall in my new life, I have a new home, a new love, a new lease on life. I laugh most all the time, and enjoy everything around me. but all that doesn't take away the memory of Lonny. he is with me every day. I am sad to say that my memories of him are almost all bad even now after 2 years. I still see him as a Pals, not as the man I married. I try so hard to talk to our kids only about the happy days and good memories. but in my mind it is all ALS ALS ALS.
I still cant' handle stress well. I avoid confrontation and anything that is upsetting.
I guess it is normal for the memories of your departed to get stronger as you get close to the date of their death. the last few months of his life were so traumatic and emotional--I am in pain just thinking of that time. I am mad...mad that he acted the way he did. mad that he had to suffer so much. mad that I suffered. mad that he got sick. mad that he is not here to enjoy all the fruits of his labor. mad about every thing I did wrong, even though I know that I mostly did good and right during the 9 years he was sick.
even though I feel raw right now, I don't want cals or other widows to think I am still grieving hard after 2 years. I am not. it is softer and faded. but right now, this month it is all sharp and pointy again. for me, my journey with Lonny is like when you look at old faded photos from your childhood...you know it is you and you know the story, you see the smiles or frowns but it is all a little blurry .
Love you all
Bobbi