back to reality

[adrivtham]

After my sweetheart's death I went to my home country Colombia. Couldn't take his ashes because they were no ready and my plan to put him next to a beautiful tree is not possible since the farm is going to be sold. I don't know now what I am going to do. In the meantime I have them in our room.
I came back yesterday and today back to work. I have been crying non stop. I miss him so much and I feel guilty for no taking time off earlier to be with him.
How to pick up yourself from this misery?
I try to focus in the fact that he is no suffering, but this horrible emptiness, I can't even pray.

 

[affected]

hugs to you - all I can say is that you have to cry and feel and move through the grief. It is far more all consuming than I ever realised until I was there.

I learned to let myself just stop and accept that some days were write offs.
In my 4th year now and I still just randomly and suddenly find myself in tears! But the intensity is far lower and they only last a short time, and I catch my breath and say wow to myself!

I think that embracing the pain and grief and going through it is the only way you will pick yourself up from it. But you won't ever be the same, and you won't just be fine in a few weeks or months. xxx

 

[gooseberry]

You take it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. You remember the good times together....laugh and cry your way thru them. Look at pictures, and things that were the basis of your life together. Relish the happy times and memories.

As for his ashes....was there a place you went to frequently with trees? Perhaps that would be a good place for him to rest.

 

[lgelb]

More ideas for ashes: give some to anyone close to him who would like to scatter them in a spot that means something to them; scatter in a body of water he liked [just not in front of any public officials]; plant a new tree or bush or flowers wherever you move to and scatter some ashes in the soil as you plant.

Do not feel guilty about working. It likely helped you feel more secure and therefore do a better job of caring for him.

Best,
Laurie

 

[Manhattanite]

Adriana I also cry every day. I found it hard to be at work at first because everyone's life kept going on normally while I was living a different reality, but eventually I am glad I have that space to focus on other things.

Keeping a journal helps me. I also started a Note on my iPhone that I called "100 memories about my PALS." Every time I am overwhelmed by a memory of him I write it down on that list. It is nice to look back and have those written memories as a shorthand for happier days.

 

[gooseberry]

I think when you lose a loved one it is quite surreal. Your world has changed drastically but o one seems to notice. I felt like I was watching someone elses life go by for awhile.

 

[adrivtham]

My husband's family were terrible thru his illness and death. His biological children never called and of course never visited. Only the oldest visit few times, even when he was dying I called him to come but he didn't. When they needed money they called constantly their dad and we helped. Our marriage was after he was divorced for two years and I wasn't the cause for it since we met when he was already single. Yesterday I was looking on one of my nephews facebook and stumble on his daughter's facebook and found out he would have been a granddad. I felt happy and sad at the same time....for some reason I felt there is some part of him in that child, and felt so sad thinking of how wrong his children treated him. He didn't deserved this at all because I was witness of how much he tried to have a loving relationship with them. He was wonderful dad to my children and we loved him very much.