Old 03-19-2017, 10:10 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default Trying to grieve

One month and one day! I'm checking in to say hello and to let you know that this forum is still so very helpful. Since Jim's death I have been surrounded by family and our three sons. I've had wonderful support from so many. But still I cannot leave this journey behind. Jim's funeral was held on our farm,with so many attending to say goodbye. Someone counted over 700 cars! Can you believe this? It all seems such a blurr now. After the organisation needed to conduct a farewell gathering. We even had to mow the paddock as it is summer here and we were worried that cars driven on dry grass would start a bush fire! Plenty of wine and beer was consumed. The local school and neighbours all catered with amazing food. My man was certainly farewelled just as he would have wanted...a big party! Only now,all I keep flashing back to is the awfulness of ALS. I try so hard to see beauty in my surroundings,but, I keep reliving in my mind,our last moments,our last day,the last symptoms that tipped my beautiful man to say " no more" after fighting such a courageous battle, he couldn't do it anymore. I can only shed tears when I am alone. ( usually in the shower) or when I read of other cals battles. So thank you for having a group for past carers. It allows me to speak my mind a bit. For ages I wanted to be free of a life with ALS and now I am free,it doesn't seem to want to be gone.
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Old 03-19-2017, 10:43 AM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trying to grieve

How wonderful the love and support your family and community have shown. I wish there was something I could say to help but please know I am thinking of you and hoping you find some comfort and peace. Kate
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Old 03-19-2017, 01:21 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trying to grieve

Aussie, sounds like a great sendoff for him, with lots of planning. Kudos to you and your sons for making it happen.

After only a month it would be very early for ALS to be "gone" from your mind. As you've seen here, those of us who are years in are not yet at that stage, and I'm not sure I, at least, will be any time soon. But it becomes proportionally more about other things, about the future rather than the past.

As the months go on, you will begin to see and feel more of the beauty and promise in all that is still out there for you.

Best,
Laurie
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Old 03-19-2017, 02:05 PM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trying to grieve

Hugs, one month is such a short time after all you have lived through. Please do give yourself permission to cry as you need, to work like a maniac, to lay about and do nothing, to walk and sleep and eat and scream even.

The only way through the grief is through it. You can't avoid it, nor go around or under it, or even shut it out. It will catch you and it will hit harder!

We also, very often, have a PTSD. You described something very traumatic, so of course you have a reaction to going through this trauma.

Do you see a counsellor? Pall care usually offer grief counselling if you don't have someone? Carers NSW also provided me with a lot, I presume you have Carers WA?

And of course there is here, where you can receive lots of understanding and acceptance xxx
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Old 03-19-2017, 11:24 PM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Trying to grieve

Hugs Aussie! I think of you often. One day at a time.
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