smiling widow...kabam!

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gooseberry

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Jul 2, 2014
Messages
3,501
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
5/2014
Country
US
State
FL
City
Tampa
Today was Steve's burial. I was asked how I was feeling being a widow and all? It was a very strange question and one I wasnt prepared for. They (the family) were unhappy Julien wasnt there. He just couldnt go. They asked me how I could be smiling,.....I told them I was remembering all the good Steve and I had. He wanted to celebrate not have sorrow.


They did as I asked for the burial and found a partially shady spot in the shadow of a tree. His cross streets are Peace and Freedom. Quite fitting I think.
 
I find myself struggling to appreciate "the family" of Steve's. They sound a bit of a trial. I am so glad you are smiling. And I am glad you are Julien's mother, as you are clearly the best there is when it comes to helping him deal with such a profound loss.
 
Beautiful lady xxx

I felt reasonably peaceful most of the day of Chris's memorial (which was a private one held here on the property).

Apart from a little crap from the evil stepdaughter it was a beautiful remembrance of him, and a celebration of all we knew and loved of him.

So thoughtless to ask how are you feeling about being a widow and all!
I've had some pretty weird things asked too, at least not on that day.

I love his new address - corner of peace and freedom :)
 
The issue with his family is they have not experienced any loss. Unfortunately Julien and I have a lot more experience. I find most times they are simply unthinking about what they are saying.
 
Steph, you are amazingly tolerant of Steve's family. Wow. They certainly should have experienced his loss(Es) along with you and Julien, and how dare they question your smile instead of being grateful that you were able to enjoy the memories.

You know we love you, so we're just not as forgiving with them....

Much love,
Becky
 
I have known Steve's dad since I was 5 yrs old. His brothers for 30 years....same for his sister and mom. It is difficult with the history.

The thing about tolerance in this case is I see how lost they are, how they want me to fix it, how they didnt see it coming since they were all denying it was happening. The NYC wife said today she expected me to at least take the time to have lunch with them after they drove so far. I said to enjoy their lunch but I needed to get back to Julien. My niece came with me to the burial. She videoed the military service piece and I took pictures of his site to share with Julien. It was the first thing J asked about.
 
So they are more like family than in-laws to you. Oh my. Lady your crown is still shining....
 
I am so sorry for your loss but admire your ability to remember the good times. May you and your family find peace in his memory. I can only hope when my time comes that my husband will remember me in such a way.
 
Sending great big warm strong hugs!
 
A friend CALS widow recently sent me a book called "People I want to punch in the throat". It's about how I feel about his family just now.

No matter their own reasons, we see you and Julien as being the absolutely most important people just now.

Is Julien OK?
 
Steph, I admire your grace in such difficult times. You continue to demonstrate love and care in the face of difficulty. You are a great example for your son.
 
Hey Steph, I was going to post these in GoGoGo, but they got here too.
 

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Thank you everyone.

Julien is still having some bad nightmares. My niece, who was with me yesterday, filmed the service for Julien and I took some pictures before and after. He went thru everything last night and we talked a lot. He is working hard to process things. Today we are headed to hike a favorite spot of Steves then have lunch.
 
Enjoy the hike and your memories of Steve. With good wishes!
Anna
 
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