go,go,go

[gooseberry]

I am just going to jump right in...hope no one is offended.

I felt before Steve died, that I would be able to relax once it happened. Instead I am creating things to do. Yes they were on my list but nothing earth shattering. I cant seem to sit still! I had sod and a sprinkler system put in then I put in a "retaining" wall. Checking into tiling the backsplash area under the hood and between the counters and cabinets. It is like I need an all consuming task.

Tillie, just for you I will include a mulching/wall picture. 18 bags of mulch and 125 24 lb bricks in 3 hrs. I think I am nuts! Steph

 

[gooseberry]

Ok...one more time

 

[affected]

Do you remember me how I was when Chris died?
I was MANIC and I became fixated on gardening because I just had to go go go.

I thought I would throw myself into my work. All the time Chris was ill, if I could sit down in my office and work I felt normal. It was the only time I felt normal in any way.

I remember waving the last of my children off a couple of days after the memorial and I looked up at certain section of the property and thought - yeah I reckon I can get the mower up there, and I was manic from that moment. I just could not care about my work, I did not want to get caught back up in the rat race, but I sure could not keep still for a moment!

I'm not manic now, which is a hoot, because most people probably would think I am, but I can assure you that drive does ease off at some point :shock:

 

[affected]

Love the photos from every angle

OK your mania is producing very nice results in a very short time I must say!

Maybe you should come visit me, I could use a go go energiser bunny just now :lol:

 

[gooseberry]

In a way it is good Tillie because stuff gets done. But it is also exhausting.. Last night Julien and I went to dinner. On the way home I decided the car wasnt clean enouh. I scrubbed, vacuumed, washed the outside, and did the windows. I feel like I am on speed or something. Midnight last night and wide awake.

I can say the wall and mulching came out okay though

 

[gooseberry]

Funny about the pics...the verticals are sideways and the horizontals are upside down. Who knows....

 

[affected]

The blessing for me was that mostly I could get to bed early and sleep really well, then be awake very early and up and at it again.

But if I got distracted by something I 'should' do in the evening it was bad as I would just throw myself into it ...

I've had quite a few past CALS report the same thing.

You will find a balance, don't worry about the behaviour, and yep the wall and mulching look just gorgeous

 

[scaredwifetx]

Steph, I have been doing the very same thing since mom died. I have to always be doing something. I avoid stillness at all costs. I barely sleep and am always moving. Good thing is pur body will let us know when enough is enough. You are not going crazy, but heck what do I know. I say to myself daily that I must be going crazy. No locking me up. I will just need to fake it till I make it!

 

[Lixen]

I can honestly say I was in manic mode for almost two years afterward and didn't even realize it. I made some really nutty choices regarding big things like where to live & what house to buy.! I look back now and can't even begin tell you what I was thinking, I literally have no idea. At some point though, it slows down (for me it slowed waayy down) and you adjust to the new normal. I found it was like being forced to navigate a journey I didn't want to be on but had I no choice. I think it was the feeling of not having control for so long I wasn't quite sure how to take control? Does that make sense? I'm rambling, I know, but life does eventually level out.

 

[bigmark1954]

Having time to think about this phenomena.......I have come to the conclusion that Steph's dynamic is that she is doing all the stuff that she wanted to do, but couldn't because she was to busy taking care of Steve.

That and she is staying busy, to keep from thinking about what she has been through in last few years.

That is my evaluation of go,go,go.

 

[gooseberry]

That would be spot on Mark! It is very hard to stop...the mind is in overdrive. So I keep at it. Julien and I are starting to slow a little, but it is so hard when you are used to a certain pace. I read my first book in about 3 years. It sounds crazy but the house ipkeep, all the things Steve did would just pile ip so they had to be done. I had lots of people pitching in at times.

 

[starente15]

Wow. This happened to me too and I guess I never made the connection. I lost my job two weeks after my dad passed and I went CRAZY. I tore apart the house, every drawer, closet, etc. and purged everything. I just wanted to get rid of everything and start over. I think I scared my boyfriend during this time because I would scream and yell over everything. It did calm down (only after I decorated!) and then I went into more of a depressed stated. Starting to finally find balance.

 

[gooseberry]

It is almost like you are manic. I make my sister tired when she is watching me. She came down to help when Steve died. She couldnt believe what I got done in a day. She thought it was exhausting to see and she is a nurse and no light weight in the strength department.

 

[lgelb]

Steph, send me some manic energy -- I never got into that phase (feeling gypped now), but I've got an apt. that's in need of a lot!

Best,
Laurie

 

[affected]

I now fluctuate between the manic days and the can't do an effing thing days.

Probably more healthy than when it was purely manic days without a break, but the off days drive me crazy!