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Loverly

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Lost a loved one
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CA
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Orange County
After a terrifying incident where my Dad woke up in a pool of blood, and proceeded to bleed all over his bathroom and bedroom, Dad was admitted to the hospital.

He has been diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic castration-resistant prostate cancer. He has a tumor growing from the prostate to the rectum.

Honestly, I'm f***ng furious. First of all, Dad was supposed to keep going to the doc for regular check ups (his original Prostate cancer diagnosis was 11 years ago), and he didn't. I didn't know that the cancer would eventually come back, as he did!

Second, WHY? WHY? WHY? What the hell have we done to deserve this hell just 90 days after Kathy's death?

90 damned days.

I made the mistake of telling Tim on Sunday that I was happy, so happy for the first time in a long long time. Now I feel like a jinx.

I have a new job, and it's going well, but I can't sit by his bedside like I did with Kathy. I have to be here and he's alone at the hospital, and he hates being alone.

And Damn it! Kathy was supposed to be the one taking care of him!

I don't even know the dates of his procedures or anything.


And i know this sounds like a pity party, it is... but who else will understand just how unprepared I am to be back here so soon? A social worker from the ICU called me and wanted to describe "durable medical equipment" during our conversation. I assured her that I was quite familiar with DME, possible more than she.

It does me no good to say, "no fair" because i've already been down the most unfair road, but that's just how I feel. There's a line from "Love Actually" where one of the children shouts, " I hate uncle Jamie!" I keep thinking I can just stomp my foot and shout, "I hate this! I hate Uncle Prostate Cancer. "

FML

Jen
 
Wow rant away!!!!!! I will rant for you. It must feel like you are wearing an anvil for a hat.....
 
Oh Jen, 90 days??? Wow. Rant and rail--I'm glad you came back here to vent with us.
Wow.

Becky
 
Jen, I had a situation with my brother, I think about 5 months after Chris passed. He suddenly would not go home after a visit with me (very different neurological condition). Said he could not live alone.

Internally I panicked, totally. I could not even remotely face caring for someone again that soon.

Rant away, really you have every right to feel how you do!
 
It must feel like you are wearing an anvil for a hat.....

that is EXACTLY how it feels!!

Thank you, ladies. I'm heartsick and exhausted and I've only spent one day at the hospital so far!
 
So sorry to hear this, Jen.

--Laurie
 
Jen, my heart just breaks for you. My mother who lived with us passed away last month. We had no clue she even had cancer let alone stage 4. Less than 10 days after diagnosis she was gone but only after DME and hospice came in. I KNOW how bad you want to scream and its just not fair. You have been so strong and loving through all of this and you will make it. It will suck and you will need to rant and this is the best place to rant and for support. I do not know why anyone has to deal with such heartbreak. Just be take care of yourself, get rest, eat right and get help for the grief and stress. I have not taken any time to get help and now I am ill myself and it could have been prevented if I took care of myself. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
 
You're just not going to believe this.

NOT. GOING. TO. BELIEVE!

The doctor made the diagnosis without the full Path report. :(

He DOES NOT HAVE CANCER!

Nope. No Cancer. It's scar tissue from past radiation treatment. That's all it is, scar tissue.

I've never been more relieved in my life, I can assure you.,
I feel like I've just been given parole or a stay of execution!

I'm floating on air.
 
So....happy and thankful
 
Oh Jen, what a rollercoaster! I am so sorry you have gone through this. Glad it ended well. And now Dad knows he'd better keep his follow-ups.

Geez, though, all that stress deserves a very chill weekend and, if you're so inclined, a very big bottle of wine. Hope life gives you roses for awhile now.

Best wishes with the new job.
 
Oh Jen, that is wonderful. Hopefully he will keep it properly checked now!
 
How WONDERFUL to read great news! I can only try to imagine how great you feel right now. There is nothing like hell to make heaven an even more wonderful place to be.

Now the naughty side of me would want to call the doctor and tell him that my dad had given away all of his assets when he thought he was stage 4, so there's no money to pay him for his premature diagnosis. Grrrr.

Jen, enjoy!!!!

Becky
Queen of Everything (including evil ideas)
 
:lol: Becky!

Now that makes me feel a bit evil and add - then after a few days you write back and say, oh sorry my mistake I didn't actually check dad had given all away, it just seemed like he had ... (still no money to pay you though)
 
How WONDERFUL to read great news! I can only try to imagine how great you feel right now. There is nothing like hell to make heaven an even more wonderful place to be.

Now the naughty side of me would want to call the doctor and tell him that my dad had given away all of his assets when he thought he was stage 4, so there's no money to pay him for his premature diagnosis. Grrrr.

Jen, enjoy!!!!

Becky
Queen of Everything (including evil ideas)

HA! You're assuming that the doctor has been in touch! I haven't heard a darned thing, only getting info from the nurses when I have called.

He's not bouncing back very well. He had a blood transfusion yesterday and the doctor is supposed to perform a procedure today to close the open wound in his colon. As of today he's been in there 10 days. I'm not comfortable with this, as I believe the longer he is in there the higher the possibility of complications from just being in the hospital.

I'm hoping I can get a full meds review and some PT before they release him.

fingers crossed.

Thank you, everyone. It's nice to dodge a bullet now and then! Now if only I could figure out who is doing the shooting!!

jen
 
I agree, the longer in hospital the more concerned I would be. I hope you get that review and he is improving after this procedure.
 
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