Loverly
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2014
- Messages
- 197
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Country
- US
- State
- CA
- City
- Orange County
After a terrifying incident where my Dad woke up in a pool of blood, and proceeded to bleed all over his bathroom and bedroom, Dad was admitted to the hospital.
He has been diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic castration-resistant prostate cancer. He has a tumor growing from the prostate to the rectum.
Honestly, I'm f***ng furious. First of all, Dad was supposed to keep going to the doc for regular check ups (his original Prostate cancer diagnosis was 11 years ago), and he didn't. I didn't know that the cancer would eventually come back, as he did!
Second, WHY? WHY? WHY? What the hell have we done to deserve this hell just 90 days after Kathy's death?
90 damned days.
I made the mistake of telling Tim on Sunday that I was happy, so happy for the first time in a long long time. Now I feel like a jinx.
I have a new job, and it's going well, but I can't sit by his bedside like I did with Kathy. I have to be here and he's alone at the hospital, and he hates being alone.
And Damn it! Kathy was supposed to be the one taking care of him!
I don't even know the dates of his procedures or anything.
And i know this sounds like a pity party, it is... but who else will understand just how unprepared I am to be back here so soon? A social worker from the ICU called me and wanted to describe "durable medical equipment" during our conversation. I assured her that I was quite familiar with DME, possible more than she.
It does me no good to say, "no fair" because i've already been down the most unfair road, but that's just how I feel. There's a line from "Love Actually" where one of the children shouts, " I hate uncle Jamie!" I keep thinking I can just stomp my foot and shout, "I hate this! I hate Uncle Prostate Cancer. "
FML
Jen
He has been diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic castration-resistant prostate cancer. He has a tumor growing from the prostate to the rectum.
Honestly, I'm f***ng furious. First of all, Dad was supposed to keep going to the doc for regular check ups (his original Prostate cancer diagnosis was 11 years ago), and he didn't. I didn't know that the cancer would eventually come back, as he did!
Second, WHY? WHY? WHY? What the hell have we done to deserve this hell just 90 days after Kathy's death?
90 damned days.
I made the mistake of telling Tim on Sunday that I was happy, so happy for the first time in a long long time. Now I feel like a jinx.
I have a new job, and it's going well, but I can't sit by his bedside like I did with Kathy. I have to be here and he's alone at the hospital, and he hates being alone.
And Damn it! Kathy was supposed to be the one taking care of him!
I don't even know the dates of his procedures or anything.
And i know this sounds like a pity party, it is... but who else will understand just how unprepared I am to be back here so soon? A social worker from the ICU called me and wanted to describe "durable medical equipment" during our conversation. I assured her that I was quite familiar with DME, possible more than she.
It does me no good to say, "no fair" because i've already been down the most unfair road, but that's just how I feel. There's a line from "Love Actually" where one of the children shouts, " I hate uncle Jamie!" I keep thinking I can just stomp my foot and shout, "I hate this! I hate Uncle Prostate Cancer. "
FML
Jen