affected
Guru status reached
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2013
- Messages
- 16,096
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 05/2013
- Country
- OZ
- State
- AU
- City
- lala land
I can't believe family sometimes.
One of his daughters got very strange just hours before he died saying he had told her a bunch of funeral arrangements he had never told me, including burial with his first wife ashes inside his coffin, not cremation! There were a few awful things from her between his death and the memorial with her always saying I couldn't do this or shouldn't be doing it that way, if I'd actually known him ... *sigh* stepkids ...
I had his body immediately cremated, and I admit partly to just stop that whole situation becoming an argument. Hard to argue after the fact ...
Anyway, she lives 2 hours away and I've not seen her since. I did offer that I would give her half of his ashes after I'd done up keepsakes and put half under a tree that was special to us. I finally got her to agree that she would come and collect her half last weekend as she was going to be in the area (she insists that she WANTS them as she wants them in a public memorial gardens). I made a day and time, and guess what ... she not only did not show, but has not contacted me at all. On her fb I see photos and messages and she was in fact down here for the weekend.
Anyways, today, 3 months, I've taken those ashes and put them under 'our' tree and not saying anything more to her.
I find it SO disrespectful to have a plastic box of ashes in my cupboard. I don't mean anything about anyone else who may not have dealt with theirs yet, please don't take this past my own feelings on this situation.
My point is purely that - I had plans for his ashes and she made an ugly fuss about how wrong it was for me to think I could just do my own thing. Yet she just leaves them here with me so rudely.
I hope it does not remain any huge thorn in our sides, but I just feel like I'm being treated so rudely and so is Chris for that matter.
Now that I've done it this morning I feel so at peace. I did not do it out of spite, I did it because I need to grieve in my own way, and I'm actually a little amazed at how good I feel for just dealing with them the way I always felt was right.
If she makes a fuss when she does finally try to claim them I am going to let it be her problem. I love this saying, I forget who said it sometime last year, but I remember the saying well - If you are not going to be a part of my solution, you are not going to a part of my problem!
One of his daughters got very strange just hours before he died saying he had told her a bunch of funeral arrangements he had never told me, including burial with his first wife ashes inside his coffin, not cremation! There were a few awful things from her between his death and the memorial with her always saying I couldn't do this or shouldn't be doing it that way, if I'd actually known him ... *sigh* stepkids ...
I had his body immediately cremated, and I admit partly to just stop that whole situation becoming an argument. Hard to argue after the fact ...
Anyway, she lives 2 hours away and I've not seen her since. I did offer that I would give her half of his ashes after I'd done up keepsakes and put half under a tree that was special to us. I finally got her to agree that she would come and collect her half last weekend as she was going to be in the area (she insists that she WANTS them as she wants them in a public memorial gardens). I made a day and time, and guess what ... she not only did not show, but has not contacted me at all. On her fb I see photos and messages and she was in fact down here for the weekend.
Anyways, today, 3 months, I've taken those ashes and put them under 'our' tree and not saying anything more to her.
I find it SO disrespectful to have a plastic box of ashes in my cupboard. I don't mean anything about anyone else who may not have dealt with theirs yet, please don't take this past my own feelings on this situation.
My point is purely that - I had plans for his ashes and she made an ugly fuss about how wrong it was for me to think I could just do my own thing. Yet she just leaves them here with me so rudely.
I hope it does not remain any huge thorn in our sides, but I just feel like I'm being treated so rudely and so is Chris for that matter.
Now that I've done it this morning I feel so at peace. I did not do it out of spite, I did it because I need to grieve in my own way, and I'm actually a little amazed at how good I feel for just dealing with them the way I always felt was right.
If she makes a fuss when she does finally try to claim them I am going to let it be her problem. I love this saying, I forget who said it sometime last year, but I remember the saying well - If you are not going to be a part of my solution, you are not going to a part of my problem!