Hard Day Tomorrow

[Miss]

Tomorrow, it will be one year since Terry died. It's just so hard to believe. Because of all of the deaths in the family this year - mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law (Terry's twin) - sometimes, it seems longer. Today, it feels like it was just last week. Normally, I am not a "death day" person, but I will have to say that I am really having a hard reaction to this. The numbness is wearing off. I feel very raw with emotion. I read the following months ago, and it truly sums up how I feel when I try to express my grief in words:

I sometimes hold it half a sin
To put in words the grief I feel;
For words, like Nature, half reveal
And half conceal the Soul within.
But, for the unquiet heart and brain,
A use in measured language lies;
The sad mechanic exercise,
Like dull narcotics, numbing pain.
In words, like weeds, I'll wrap me o'er,
Like coarsest clothes against the cold:
But that large grief which these enfold
Is given in outline and no more.

Alfred Lord Tennyson
In Memoriam Section V

I am so grateful to have all of the wonderful people on the forum that truly understand what I am feeling when I cannot put it into words.

 

[skipper66]

I am so sorry to hear of all your loss. I will say a prayer for you. I hope you recieve some comfort in knowing others care and that you have happy memories of your loved one's to cherish always. Sending you a big hug! Kim

 

[panguinjen]

Missy,
I'm so sorry....wrapping hugs and hugs and hugs around you!

Jen

 

[mich5]

Beautiful poem. Will send prayers your way tonight and tomorrow.

 

[vzandt]

I'm sorry missy.

 

[brooksea]

Missy, that was very poignant. I'm not a death day person, either, but how can you not think "this day was the day?" I wish I had some words of wisdom.

Sending you good vibes and hoping you can face the day with good memories.

 

[Jennifer D]

Missy,

What a beautiful poem, thanks for sharing it and your thoughts. I pray that tomorrow is sunny and bright, filled with all of the best memories of your beloved husband!

You and your family are in my prayers.
Jennifer

 

[cervus]

Missy. I can say I so understand what you're going through, in my own way. Last week was our first year anniversary since Bob passed. I'm not a "day" person either, but it was a sad, sad day which has left me empty hearted but also heavy hearted. This whole past year has been awful and yes, I thought I'd plateaued but all of July up until now have been the worst yet. Thank you for sharing your poem. It has a lot of meaning. I wish you and your family some kind of peace as I do for myself. Yasmin.

 

[ottawa girl]

Miss,

Your eloquent comments and the Tennyson poem are very moving. I can only imagine you must have been mindful of each and every "first" since Terry's death; I cannot begin to fathom just how difficult this must be for you. I am grateful, and in awe, that despite all of your recent losses, you rise above your heartbreak and continue to help us here on the forum. Hope the sun shines warmly upon you tomorrow.

 

[joni51]

Miss wow does not seem like a year. I know it has been a long hard one for you..Hugs and Love

 

[10steps]

I'm sorry Miss. i don't have any great words other than I wish it wasn't like this.

 

[Miss]

I just finished watching CBS Sunday Morning (taped). There was a segment about an elderly man. The story was about how loved this man was in the town. He had spent his life working, not making much money, raising a family and helping anyone and everyone that needed him. The segment would cut to the towns people writing messages on wood to him. At the end, they revealed that the man had been diagnosed with ALS. When asked his feelings about the outpouring of love from his neighbors, he simply said that he was blessed to be dying slowly. He was able to see all of the love these people had for him. His son, a grown man, was able to see it. The man read the words his friends had written. He ran his hands over the wood and tears rolled from his eyes. In the end, they showed that the wood the towns people were signing was the man's casket. The funeral had to be moved to another town because there was no building big enough to hold everyone. It is amazing where we can find blessings. I watched the show on a lark. I feel strengthened remembering how in awe Terry was by the support of his friends, and I'm so very grateful for that.

 

[Danijela]

You are in my thoughts today. Dani

 

[judyroyalglenn]

May the Lord give you grace, peace, and mercy as you go through today. Lifting you up in prayer ~ Judy

 

[CindyRN]

Thinking of you today Missy!